


Grounded

by TamscendingGender



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Abusive Relationship mention, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Caleb Widogast Because I Said So, Caleb/Therapy Is My OTP, Canon-Typical Violence, Genderfluid Mollymauk Tealeaf, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Resurrection Of A Sort, Sexual Assault Mention, Trans Caleb Widogast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-02-29 06:35:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 52,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18773230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TamscendingGender/pseuds/TamscendingGender
Summary: He had to be dreaming. He had to be. There was no way he could be here, leaning against the bookshelf. He had the same lavender skin, the same dark purple horns, the same bangles and jewelry, the same soft smile creeping across his face. There was the top of his peacock tattoo. There was his tail, twitching lazily, the jewelry jangling faintly. He was wearing ripped black jeans, pink high-top shoes, a blue flannel over a t-shirt that screamed, “GENDER SUCKS!” in the colors of the nonbinary pride flag, and a large winter coat that definitely belong to Yasha. It was him. The Xhorhas book slipped from Caleb’s hands and fell with a thud to the ground.Caleb Widogast and his friends had been in the army for four years together before the ambush. Before they lost Molly to a far too-powerful slaver's gun. Before everything started falling apart. One year later, things are coming together, slowly. Caleb was discharged from the army after another disastrous encounter left him with a messed up leg, and the others followed him. They got therapy. They met a new friend. Eventually, they started to heal. Until one day, exactly one year after the ambush, Molly comes back home.





	1. One Year Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first complete long fanfiction I've posted on here! Enjoy! I'll be posting biweekly on Tusedays and Thursdays. 
> 
> Shoutout to my lovely betas, Artie and Beth: Artie for always yelling at me when I do terrible things to the boys, and Beth for reading this whole thing in two days while at school and still leaving very picky and wonderful comments. I love you!!!!!!!

_ The battle had been going for what felt like years, and things were descending into chaos. Someone had lit a truck on fire. He could smell it in the back of his throat, choking him.  _

_ “C’mon, Widogast, let’s go!” Keg shouted. “They won’t wait along for us to catch up with them!” He ran after her, his gun clutched to his chest. His boots barely missed a rock, and he stumbled. Keg grabbed him. “Gods, you’re so clumsy.” _

_ “We are in a battle, Keg, I should not be expected to be coordinated.” Caleb wheezed. They crested the hill and ran down to the road. Beau and Molly were exchanging shots with the leader of the Iron Shepherds, a huge bald man with an enormous gun balanced with ease on his shoulder. He kept missing them, but it was only a matter of… _

“Mr. Widogast? Hey, Mr. Widogast? Caleb?” Caleb shook his head and stared up at the half-elf woman hovering over of him. Her dark hair fell over her face, hiding the black scales that marked her dragon ancestry.

“Cali, I have told you, you can call me Caleb.” he said tiredly, rubbing his face. “We have known each other for years. We were in the same platoon. We work together.”

“I  _ know _ , but I’m so used to it.” Cali sighed. “Are you all right? You’ve been staring at your computer for like, five minutes without moving.”

“I am fine.” Caleb said, avoiding her eyes. Cali frowned at him.

“Only, it’s….you know. The day.” she said. Caleb continued to stare at the edge of his computer. 

“I am fine, thank you, Cali.” he said. Cali eyed him suspiciously and returned to her desk. Caleb sighed and returned to checking in returned books. He knew Cali was going to text Jester, and if she texted Jester, then Jester would call him, and in the likely event that he didn’t answer the phone, she would come to the library, and then she would make him go home because she would  _ know  _ he wasn’t all right. He shouldn’t have gone to work today. He had known it wouldn’t be a good brain day. There was no way it could have been a good brain day. He turned over the last book in his stack and stared at it.  _ Zemnian Nights.  _ Of course this book, of all the books, had to be in his pile. He had heard of it from Molly. Every time he saw it, he thought of Molly. After the ambush, he had seen it in every bookshop they went into. 

“ _ Scheiße, _ Widogast, why are you here today?” he muttered, checking the book in. “You barely got out of bed, you keep zoning out….why did you do this?”  _ You and Nott need the money. _ his brain provided.  _ You need every hour. Do you want to have to choose between eating and electricity? _ His phone buzzed, and he pulled it slowly out of his pants to peer at the screen.

_ Caleb Cali says you’re not doing so great do you need me to pick you up  _ Jester had texted. 

_ No, I am fine. _ Caleb responded, then turned his phone to silent. He shoved it back into his pocket and leaned his forehead on the heels of his hands. Only four more hours, and then he could go home and lie in his bed with the lights off and not think about anything. 

“Excuse me?” Caleb looked up and pasted a smile onto his face for the anxious half-orc woman standing in front of him. 

“ _ Hallo, _ yes, sorry, what can I do for you?” he said. The woman eyed him, a look of concern on her face. 

“I’m trying to check this book out, but it won’t let me.” she said, holding it out. Caleb accepted it and frowned. It was a textbook, and on the cover was a peacock, spreading its feathers out and gazing into the camera with a self-important air. 

_ It was their first week in Zadash, and Molly had dragged them all to the bathhouse. He was lounging against the edge of the pool when Caleb came in, his arms spread across the concrete and his tattoos on full display. He had only ever seen the parts of Molly’s tattoos that showed with his clothes on, and the peacock was particularly impressive. _

_ “That is a nice peacock.” Caleb said, paddling over to stand next to him. Molly beamed at him.  _

_ “Thank you!” he said. “It hurt like crazy, but it looks amazing.” He stretched his arm out in front of him. “I got it because I’ve always identified with peacocks, y’know. They’re colorful and ridiculous, and so am I.” Caleb laughed and sank further into the…. _

“Uh...hello?” the woman said, tapping the textbook. “I asked you a question.” Caleb blinked at her, then at the book between them.

“Oh, sorry, I have had a long day.” he said. “It is a reference book, and you can’t check those out.” The woman huffed and picked up the textbook. As she stalked away, Caleb pulled his hair out of the ponytail it had been up in and ran his fingers through it, pulling it over his face. He wasn’t going to be able to make it four more hours. Why had he gotten out of bed today? Nott would have let him stay, would have called him in sick. He would finish shelving books, then he would tell his supervisor he was going home. He stared at himself in the blank computer screen. His hair was falling into his eyes, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in years. Sometimes it felt like that. He hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since Molly had died. 

“One year ago exactly.” he said to his reflection. He scraped his hair back into a ponytail and tucked the stray ends behind his ears. It was just barely long enough to tie up. He sighed, rubbed his eyes, then picked up his cane and the books he had been checking in and limped over to the cart. He slipped them in between the other books and rolled the cart into the stacks. 

When he had been discharged from both the hospital and the army seven months, one week, and three days ago, he had known exactly where he was going to work: the library. Before a strange and complicated series of events that he didn’t like to think about had led him to the army, he had gotten a certification to be a librarian. The public library in Zadash had been hiring, and since it was partially funded by the Cobalt Soul, it paid better than any of the other jobs he qualified for. It involved minimal standing, and he had assumed that it would be relatively trigger free. 

That illusion had vanished on his second day, when a very buff, very bald man who looked vaguely like the one that had killed Molly walked up to his desk and had tried to check out a book about traditional tiefling culture and a book on how to properly care for guns. It was a good thing Jester’s friend Caduceus had been there to gently explain to the incredibly distressed patron that the librarian didn’t need to go to the hospital despite the fact that he had fallen onto the ground breathing irregularly. Thank the  _ gods _ for Caduceus. When Jester had started working as a chaplain at the hospital, Caduceus had been there to sit in the morgue and listen to her sob about Molly. He had randomly started showing up at the library after Caleb’s panic attack to check in on him, and had turned up at movie night one day with a jug of homemade iced tea and an entire vegetarian lasagna. Without him, Caleb was certain they would have all fallen apart the moment they got back to Zadash. 

He paused his book cart in front of the shelf a few of the books had come from and picked up a few to replace. Cali had given him all the books from the middle two shelves. She was good at remembering where books were and which shelves were easiest for him to reach with one hand. She had also managed to comb all of the thick books out of his collections. Cali could be a bit too energetic at times, but she was good at remembering things. He knew she kept a running list of her friends’ triggers on her phone. 

He continued down the line of shelves, working his way up the library. It took him a while; he moved slowly, and there were a lot of books to reshelve. The last row he had to shelve was the history section. He went on autopilot, putting the books back in their places, until he came to the final book. It was a military history of the border wars with Xhorhas. The cover had a picture of people diving out of the way of a ball of fire in the center of a road. Cali must have missed it. She must have…

…. _ The Shepherd’s truck was burning. Caleb had done that, had thrown a grenade. He prayed to whatever god was listening that no one had been in it. He had been aiming for the cluster of Shepherds that was shooting at Nott. Their leader, Lorenzo, was advancing towards Nott now. Panic curled in Caleb chest. She couldn’t see him. Beau leapt over the hood of the truck to try and shoot at Lorenzo with her pistol, but Molly got there first. Molly was in front of Lorenzo. He raised his gun to shoot and…. _

“Fancy seeing you here.” a voice said. It was familiar, so familiar. Caleb stared at the shelf in front of him. He wasn’t having auditory hallucinations now, was he? “Caleb, I’m over here, love. I didn’t turn into a book while I was...gone.” Caleb turned, clutching the Xhoras book, and stared at where the voice was coming from. 

He had to be dreaming. He  _ had  _ to be. There was no way  _ he _ could be here, leaning against the bookshelf. He had the same lavender skin, the same dark purple horns, the same bangles and jewelry, the same soft smile creeping across his face. There was the top of his peacock tattoo. There was his tail, twitching lazily, the jewelry jangling faintly. He was wearing ripped black jeans, pink high-top shoes, a blue flannel over a t-shirt that screamed, “GENDER SUCKS!” in the colors of the nonbinary pride flag, and a large winter coat that definitely belong to Yasha. It was  _ him _ . The Xhorhas book slipped from Caleb’s hands and fell with a thud to the ground.

“ _ Molly. _ ” he whispered. “ _ Mollymauk _ . You….you are….Molly…. _ Molly _ .” Molly walked towards him, and Caleb let go of his cane to fall into Molly’s arms. He started sobbing the moment his face hit Molly’s chest. He was  _ here. _ He was  _ real _ . He wound his hands into Molly’s shirt, partly to keep his balance and partly to make sure that he didn’t leave. Molly was holding him, had started crying into Caleb’s hair. Somehow they ended up on the ground, clinging to each other, sobbing messily into each other’s shoulders. Molly’s tail had curled around the ankle of Caleb’s bad leg. 

“Caleb.” Molly murmured, his voice cracking a bit. “ _ Caleb _ .” Caleb curled closer to Molly’s chest. If he just held him tighter, he would stay. Eventually, he didn’t know how long, his sobs slowed. He kept his face pressed into Molly. He never wanted to leave Molly’s arms. 

“You’re here.” he whispered. “You’re alive. You’re…” A sob rose in his throat, and he paused to breathe. Molly still smelled like himself, somehow, like lavender and roses and the cucumber-mint shampoo he used. 

“I wouldn’t leave you like that. I had to come back.” Molly said. Caleb laughed wetly and sat up. Molly brushed a stray piece of hair back from his face, his hand lingering on Caleb’s jaw. “You grew your hair out.” he said. “It looks nice.”

“I haven’t cut it since...the ambush.” Caleb said. He took one of his hands away from Molly’s chest and pulled his hair tie out to show Molly how long it had gotten. Molly smiled and ran his hand through Caleb’s hair. Tears started to trickle down Caleb’s face again. “ _ Gods, _ I’m a mess.” he whispered. Molly laughed and leaned over to kiss him on the forehead.

“We should probably go somewhere else.” he murmured, his lips brushing against Caleb’s skin. “I don’t think a library is a good place for...this.” 

“ _ Nein. _ ” Caleb whispered. “I need a….a...I need...can you give me a hand up?” Molly shifted and curled his hands around Caleb’s forearms. With an effort, they both stood up, and Molly let go of Caleb briefly to grab his cane from the ground and hand it back to him. “ _ Danke. _ ” Caleb said. Molly took his hand and gazed at him, a strange expression in his eyes.

“I didn’t think I would make it home.” he said finally. “So much has happened, Caleb. So much time has passed.  _ Fuck, _ it’s been too long.” Caleb ran his thumb over the back of Molly’s hand.

“ _ Ja. _ ” he said. “Let’s...we can….there’s a break room.” He turned back to the book cart and reluctantly dropped Molly’s hand to take control of it. They wandered through the shelves back to Caleb’s desk, where he left the cart, and then through the halls of the back of the library to the small librarian break room. No one was there; it was past lunchtime and no one had a break for another few hours. Caleb settled onto the couch and turned to Molly, who had sat cross-legged on the cushion next to him. 

“What happened?” Molly asked softly, nodding at Caleb’s leg. Caleb sighed and rubbed his thigh absently.

“We were fighting this  _ thing _ , like the clockwork warden in Hupperdook, but worse. Bigger. Not clockwork. It was going to hit Beau. I jumped in front of it. We all got hit but…” He shrugged. “I took most of it. It’s a miracle I didn’t lose it.” He was parroting what the doctors had said over and over again.  _ It’s a miracle you didn’t lose it. It’s a miracle you’re alive.  _ He hadn’t wanted to be alive. That was why he had jumped in front of the thing. Better to die saving your friends and be exalted than kill yourself and be pitied. Molly’s hand moved to rest on top of Caleb’s, which was lying on the couch cushion. “It was a month after you...after we lost you.” Caleb continued. “I was in the hospital for a while, and then when I was declared well enough to leave the army decided I wasn’t well enough for them. Everyone else in our platoon left too, except  Sergeant Feelid. Yasha left after the ambush.”

“I know.” Molly said. “I flew in from Labenda last night. I’ve been staying with Yasha. She’s the only person whose phone number I have memorized, other than mine, but...that doesn't really help. She’s who told me where to find you.”

“How did you get to Labenda?” Caleb asked. “What happened to you? We thought…” His voice cracked. “We thought you were dead.” he whispered. Molly’s hand tightened around Caleb’s.

“The Shepherds took me hostage.” he said. “I thought...wouldn’t they have...they told me they sent messages to army headquarters to try and get ransom money.” Caleb looked at him, his eyebrows creasing. 

“If they did, the army never told us.” he said. Molly fidgeted with the sun charm on his horn, frowning. 

“We can unpack that later.” he said finally. “All that matters for now is I escaped, and I made it to Labenda Base, and I’m here now.” He smiled at Caleb. “And you’re here. You’re all right. I was afraid...they would tell me my friends were dead, when I was in prison. I didn’t believe them, but...when I got to Labenda and you weren’t there waiting, I was terrified they were right.”

“The Labenda people should have known where we went.” Caleb said. “Everyone up north knows, I think.” 

“Yeah, they told me.” Molly said. “Thank the gods they did. I would have...I don’t know. Whatever you do when you find out someone is dead.” Caleb stared determinedly at Molly’s hand on his, focusing on the bracelets. He had taken his nail polish off, or someone had taken it off for him. The nails were short and ragged in places, and there were a few small scars on the back of his hand, new scars. Caleb shifted his hand to run a finger over a scar on Molly’s knuckle. “I punched a man with my bare hands and the knuckle split.” Molly said, and Caleb looked up at him again. His eyes were glistening. 

“Mollymauk.” Caleb breathed, reaching his hand across to cradle Molly’s face. Molly smiled and covered it with his own hand. A few tears escaped from his eyes to roll down his face. Caleb scooted closer to him, and Molly buried his face in Caleb’s shoulder. Caleb tucked his head on top of Molly’s and tried unsuccessfully to stem the flood of tears from his own eyes. 

He hadn’t cried when Molly had died… had been lost. There had been no time to cry. They had needed to get away from the Iron Shepherds, and he had to make sure everyone else made it out. Jester had cried, had screamed, had tried to run after Lorenzo and kill him, but Yasha had carried her away. Caleb could have broken then. Beau would have gotten him out. But he hadn’t. He had taken the rear, making sure that they weren’t being followed. He hadn’t cried when they had gotten back to base, when Sgt. Feelid had made the report. Everyone else had cried, but Caleb was just numb. He had cried later, curled in his cot, shaking with silent sobs. Nott had sat next to him and rubbed his back until he had tired himself out and had gone to sleep. He had cried the next morning, too, when he had woken up and had accidentally called Nott Molly, because it was Molly who had always sat up with him when his nightmares were bad. He had cried too many times to count since then, but never with another person. Everyone else had cried at Molly’s memorial service, but again he had sat in the front, wooden, his hands worrying the edges of his suit jacket, the strap of his cane, the ribbons of Jester’s dress. 

He cried now, the tears pouring down his face and falling into Molly’s hair. He could feel Molly’s tears soaking his sweater. Someone opened the door to the break room then closed it soon after. There was nothing like two people sobbing on the couch to keep a person out of the break room, even if they really needed to get a snack from the fridge. When he had cried out all of the tears he had in him, he ran his fingers through Molly’s hair. Molly liked it better long, had resisted the shears of their regiment’s barber for weeks before Sgt. Feelid had finally convinced him to give in.  _ “I’m not actually a man, this is regulation cut for women, if I’m genderfluid that means I can choose, duh.” _ Molly had complained, and Sgt. Feelid had sighed and said, _ “They made me shave it, so you’re not alone. _ ” The door opened again, and there was a sharp gasp. Caleb looked up and saw Cali standing in the doorway, her mouth wide open and a lunchbox hanging limply from her dragon hand.

“Caleb...Molly... _ Molly _ ?” she sputtered. Molly looked up, grinned, and walked over to her.

“Hey, Cali, I’m not dead.” he said. Cali squealed and threw her arms around him, spinning him around. 

“OH MY  _ GODS _ , I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!” she shrieked. “YOU’RE  _ ALIVE!  _ YOU’RE  _ BACK! _ AND ON  _ TODAY! _ IT’S A MIRACLE! I’M CALLING JESTER RIGHT NOW!” She pulled her phone out and typed frantically. When the phone connected, Cali screamed, “JESTER, YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHO’S AT WORK RIGHT NOW!” She shoved the phone at Molly, who took it.

“Hey, Jester.” he said. “I’m back.” Caleb was sitting a good twenty feet away from them, but he could hear Jester as clear as if she were standing in the room with them.

“MOLLY!!!!!!!!” she screamed. “MOLLY, YOU’RE ALIVE?!?!?!?!?!? OH MY GODS!!!! IS CALEB THERE???? HAVE YOU KISSED YET????? I’M COMING OVER THERE RIGHT NOW!! AND I’M GETTING EVERYONE ELSE!!! OH MY GODS,  _ MOLLY _ !!!!!

“Yeah, Caleb’s here.” Molly said, wandering over to the couch and sitting next to Caleb. Cali joined them, her whole body practically hovering over the couch with the amount of vibrating and bouncing she was doing. “Aren’t you at work?”

“FUCK WORK!” Jester yelled. “MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD IS ALIVE!! ALSO I’M ON LUNCH BREAK!!!! CADUCEUS IS HERE!!! HE’S SO COOL!!!! I CAN’T WAIT FOR YOU TO MEET HIM!!!”

“Hello.” Caleb could hear Caduceus saying into the phone. 

“LET ME TALK TO CALEB!” Jester yelled, and Molly passed the phone to Caleb. “CALEB, I’M SO EXCITED, YOU CAN FINALLY–”

“ _ Hallo, _ Jester, I am right here; you do not need to yell.” Caleb said, holding the phone a few inches away from his ear. 

“Sorry.” Jester said in a stage whisper. “You can finally tell Molly that you  _ love him _ .” The final words were barely audible.

“ _ Ja _ .” Caleb said, shooting a glance at Molly. Cali was talking very fast and very excitedly to him, and he wasn’t paying attention to Caleb’s conversation. “Maybe later. When we have settled down.”

“You have to tell him  _ right now. _ ” Jester said. She sounded like she was walking somewhere very fast. There the a faint rumble of Caduceus’ voice, and Jester said, “Come  _ on _ , Cad, they’ve only been pining for four years. It’s romantic, the dramatic resurrection from the grave and all that. Right out of  _ Tusk Love. _ ”

“Does  _ Tusk Love  _ have...that?” Caleb asked incredulously. 

“No, but it would.” Jester said seriously. Caduceus said something again, and Jester laughed. 

“You should probably not bring everyone to the library.” Caleb said. “It’s not a great place for screaming.” Jester huffed.

“OK, fine, Mr. Widogast.” she sighed. “Let’s go to the Invulnerable Vagrant.”

“Yes, good idea.” Caleb said. The combination café and thrift store was not the best place for a reunion, but it was better than the library. 

“Yay!!” Jester cheered. “Can I talk to Molly again?”

“Of course.” Caleb said, and passed the phone back to Molly.

“Hello again, Jester dearest.” Molly said. Jester had apparently calmed down enough to not scream, so Caleb couldn’t hear her voice. It was more likely that she was in the hall of the hospital and was keeping her voice down for the sake of the patients. “No, but I will soon. I want it to be nice. OK, please don’t do that. Love you too. See you soon.” He handed the phone back to Cali and beamed at Caleb. 

“I can tell Maura you left because you were having a bad day.” Cali said. “She’ll understand.”

“ _ Danke,  _ Cali.” Caleb said. Usually he felt awful about having to leave work early, even when he was having his worst brain days, but this was different. He had Molly back. He could do anything. “We can walk to the Invulnerable Vagrant from here. It’s not too far.” Not too far for Caleb to walk, that is. 

“I guess that’s my cue to leave. See you tomorrow!” Cali said cheerfully, giving Molly a big hug. She bounced out of the room, humming cheerfully. Caleb ran his fingers through his hair to get out the tangles and tied it back again. Molly sat next to him. His face was swollen around the eyes from crying, and his hair was a mess. Caleb definitely looked no better, if not worse. 

“Do you need to do anything before we leave?” Molly asked. Caleb shook his head.

“Cali is taking care of it.” he said. He pushed himself up off of the couch, and Molly followed him. They wandered back through the library to Caleb’s desk. Caleb picked up his bag from the hook Nott had drilled into the side of his desk for it, put his coat on, and turned to Molly. “Let’s go see everyone.” he said. Molly held out his hand, and Caleb took it. They walked through the shelves and out onto the street. 

 

\------

 

As they ambled down the sidewalk towards the café, Molly stared at as much of the city as he could take in without losing Caleb. There were so many trees and flowers and  _ people. _ In the Iron Shepherd’s prison, there had been none of that, and even in the firbolgs’ forest, there had not been very many flowers. He had not spent a lot of time outside there, anyway. But Zadash was so  _ lively. _ And he had Caleb with him. It had all happened so fast, getting from Labenda to Zadash. It felt like one second he was still in Nila’s house trying to figure out how he was going to get to the base, and the next he was here walking slowly down a Zadash street holding Caleb’s hand. A tiny part of his brain kept grumbling,  _ This is not real. You’re going to wake up in your cell tomorrow and everything is going to be the same. Don’t hold on to it. _ He tried to shove it to the side, but it was still there, and he supposed it would always be there. 

“Caleb, look, they’ve got bear claws in the bakery!” he exclaimed, turning to drag Caleb towards the window. At the last moment, he remembered Caleb couldn’t move as fast as he used to and screeched to a halt. Caleb wobbled a bit, then curled his hand tighter around his cane and steadied. “Fuck, I’m sorry, love.” Molly said, pausing so Caleb could catch up. “I…”

“It’s OK.” Caleb said. “Everyone forgets once i a while. Even Nott.” Molly chewed his lip, trying to articulate his thoughts. 

“It’s...it’s...I’ve missed so much of your life, Caleb.” he said finally. “A whole year. We’ve changed. You’ve changed. There are things I don’t know about. And...I don’t think things will ever be what they were before...before…”

“I know.” Caleb murmured, rubbing his thumb over Molly’s hand. “I know. It’s going to be hard, but...we will make it work.” He smiled, and an overwhelming urge to lean down and kiss him overcame Molly. He could do it. Right here, in front of the bakery. He studied Caleb's face, and a strange sort of sadness curled around his heart. Caleb's eyes were the same bright blue, his hair was the same dark ginger, and he still had the same face, generally. But it had changed. There were new lines to it, and the crease between his eyebrows had deepened. He had dark circles under his eyes and a scraggly beard that aged him well past his 33 years. He looked so  _ tired _ . 

“Caleb, I…” Molly trailed off. What were you supposed to say? _ Everything's been turned upside down and both of us have seen some shit but oh, also I've been in love with you since we first met.  _ His mind fixed on something safe, something close enough to what he really wanted to tell Caleb but far enough away that Caleb wouldn’t think anything of it. “Do you remember when we went on leave to Hupperdook?” Caleb smiled, and something of the old Caleb slid back into his tired eyes. 

“Of course I remember that.” he said. “How could I forget? It was the last time...it was the last time, I think, we were all together and happy.” He frowned, just a bit. 

“And we all got so drunk, and Nott beat that old gnome man at drinking.” Molly reminisce. “Gods, that was fun. I want to go back to just that night.”

“Jester didn’t believe I could waltz.” Caleb laughed. 

“You were  _ very _ drunk.” Molly said, slipping his arm through Caleb’s and steering him back towards the bakery. He made his steps fall into rhythm with Caleb’s slow limp. “I’d like to waltz with you, one of these days.” he said. Caleb blushed and smiled. 

“I’d like that, too.” he whispered. They paused again, inches from the bakery door, and Molly resolved himself to it. He was going to kiss Caleb Widogast right here, right now. He started to lean forward, and…

“MOLLY! CALEB! GET OVER HERE  _ RIGHT NOW _ !!!!” Jester’s voice cut through the crowd like a siren. Molly straightened up and turned to see the chubby blue tiefling standing next to Fjord’s old silver minivan, waving her arms like crazy. Molly dropped Caleb’s hand and ran towards his friend. She scooped him up in a rib-crushing bear hug and spun around, squealing, “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe you're back! You’re really back! You’re back and you’re alive and you’re all in one  _ piece _ and…”

“Jes, don’t break his ribs.” Fjord said, appearing around the van. The door opened and Beau, Nott, Yasha, and a tall firbolg with shockingly, wonderfully, bright pink hair piled out. Molly wriggled out of Jester’s arms to hug Fjord. Jester followed him and enfolded them both into her powerful embrace, pulling Nott, Beau, and Caleb in as well. Yasha joined them, completing the huddle. Caleb had, likely by some design of Jester’s, ended up right against Molly. They stood there in the middle of the sidewalk, holding each other. Fjord’s head was against Molly’s shoulder, and he could feel him start to cry. Molly had cried so much in the past two days, and he had thought that he had no more tears left in him, but having all of his friends back with him opened the floodgates again, and he buried his face into Fjord’s shoulder.


	2. Back Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is Tuesday my dudes, and that means Chapter 2! Things continue to be sweet and happy.....for now!
> 
> Eternal thanks to my betas, Beth and Artie!!
> 
> Also! You can come yell at me on tumblr @jimisnotagirl
> 
> Also also! There's a playlist for this fic!   
> https://open.spotify.com/user/mooseonatrain/playlist/25IpVlMDMP33ByV1EQSgwr?si=-wPD_80eSkmNGTmJL1VcyQ
> 
> Ok that's it for the notes! Enjoy!

“ _ Soooo, _ Molly, we’ve been holding out for so long, but you’ve got to tell us now!” Jester said, leaning across the table. They were squeezed into a booth at the Invulnerable Vagrant. Molly was sandwiched between Yasha and Caleb, his tail looped around the latter’s left ankle and his hand entwined with the former’s. “How did you get here? Where were you?”

“Why didn't we hear anything?” Beau interjected. 

“There are a lot of questions that need answering.” Caleb muttered to the table. Molly leaned his chin on his hands, considering. Which was the easiest to answer?

“The Iron Shepherds figured out I wasn’t dead pretty quick.” he said slowly. “It was the breathing that got them.” He laughed dryly. It was easier to laugh than to take it seriously right now. Yasha leaned her shoulder into him. “They...I...they put me in their prison and got me back up to an acceptable level of health, for them. I think they guessed they could get a fuck ton of money for me from the army, and get information out of me in the process.” Caleb’s hand slipped into his free one and and squeezed. “So, that’s where I was for eight months.”

“Fuck.” Beau said. “Did they...you know?” She looked away from him, chewing her lip. 

“Torture me?” Molly asked. “Yeah, a bit.” Less than some of the other people in the prison, anyway. Caleb squeezed his hand again, and he squeezed back.  _ I’m OK.  _

“How did you get out?” Fjord asked. “The intelligence people back in Rexxentrum did a lot of satellite imagery of the fortress, and it’s impenetrable.”

“Not...quite.” Molly said. “This isn’t very good lunch table talk. What about you guys? I know what Yasha and Caleb have been doing for the past year, but where are you working? How’s life? And I don’t even know you, Mr. Caduceus.” He was purposefully avoiding the question, and he knew the others could tell. Caleb and Yasha’s hands both tightened around his.

“Well, I got a job at the big hospital here as a chaplain.” Jester said. Molly raised an eyebrow. Jester’s god was not exactly sanctioned by the state, and he had never understood how she had managed to get her way into the army. “That’s how I met Caduceus. He’s the mortician. Fjord’s getting a degree in marine biology…”

“Well, that’s not a surprise.” Molly said, grinning at Fjord. The half-orc had always been interested in the water, and had been in the navy before he had been in a shipwreck and had decided to switch to the army.

“And I’m working up at that kung fu school next to the Cobalt Soul.” Beau said. “Teaching people to punch good.” 

“Well.” Caleb muttered. Beau rolled her eyes at him. “What? I was a literature major.” he protested. 

“You never let us forget.” Beau sighed. 

“What about you, Nott?” Molly asked, leaning around Caleb.

“Oh, you know, whatever job’ll have me.” Nott said, shrugging. “There’s not a lot of work for goblins, really.” She made a face. “I’ve been mostly doing construction work, day laborer jobs, whatever pays.” Molly nodded sympathetically. The two Sols who worked the café section of the store came over, their arms full of plates of food, and the conversation stalled while the meal was distributed across the table. 

“ _ Fuck _ , I missed this place.” Molly groaned, taking a huge bite out of a burger covered in every topping the café offered. “The firbolgs I stayed with until I was well enough to do anything were good cooks, but nothing beats the Sols’ burgers.”

“You stayed with firbolgs?” Nott asked. “Were they related to Caduceus? Or the Sols?”

“Nott, not every firbolg knows each other.” Beau said. “Stop being racist.” 

“I’m from the north, near Shady Creek Run. It’s not a bad guess.” Caduceus said, sipping delicately from an iced tea. “That’s where my family’s graveyard is.”

“Your family’s  _ what now? _ ” Molly exclaimed through a mouthful of burger. 

“We own a graveyard up there.” Caduceus said casually. “It’s why I decided to be a mortician. Dead people are nice and calming.”

“I guess.” Molly said. “That reminds me, what did you do for my funeral?”

“We-ell, we played ABBA like you requested,” Jester said, “But we couldn’t have fireworks and a cannon salute because the church wouldn’t let us.”

“It was very nice.” Fjord offered. “We all cried.”

“Except Caleb, but I don’t think his tear ducts work when people look at him.” Jester said. Caleb mumbled something in Zemnian and blushed. 

“Everyone grieves differently.” Caduceus said. 

“We all got incredibly drunk and cried all night.” Beau said. “It was exactly what you would have wanted us to do.” 

“I didn’t get drunk.” Jester said. “But I cried.” They continued to eat in silence. “We have to have a party!” Jester exclaimed suddenly. “Tonight! We can all go to Beau and Fjord and my apartment and watch movies and eat  _ so much food _ .” 

“We don’t have any party food, Jester.” Beau said. “Nott ate it all last girls’ night.” 

“You shouldn’t have left the chips out.” Nott said defensively. “Anyone could have gotten into them.”

“From what I heard, you picked the snack cupboard lock and stole them.” Caleb said, raising an eyebrow. 

“Anyone could have gotten into them!” Nott repeated, sticking her tounge out at Caleb. Molly reached over to steal one of the pickles from Caleb’s plate and, when Caleb frowned at him, smiled sweetly.

“You weren’t eating it, so it’s free for the taking.” he said. 

“Don’t take advantage of him like that.” Nott said, shaking her head while stealing a handful of fries from Caleb.

“Caleb doesn't  _ like _ pickles, you hypocrite!” Molly cried, pointing an accusatory finger at her. 

“Nott, I would like most of my fries,  _ danke _ .” Caleb said. Nott sighed and gave him two back. 

“It’s a miracle! Caleb is eating food!” Beau cheered. Jester whacked her in the shoulder, and she frowned. “What? It’s exciting.”

“ _ You know why he wasn’t eating, Beau, it’s not funny.”  _ Jester hissed. Caleb sank down in the booth and pulled his sweater over his face.

“Sorry, Caleb.” Beau said. 

“It’s OK.” Caleb muttered, eating a fry with an embarrassed expression on his face. Molly reached over to squeeze his hand. He knew what it was like to be too anxious and depressed to have the stomach for food, and he knew what it felt like to be embarrassed at your friends standing up for you. “ _ Danke,  _ Molly.” Caleb mumbled. Jester’s face shifted from irritation at Beau to mischievous excitement at the sight of them sitting so close together. Molly rolled his eyes at her and made a face.

“So, we’re all down for having a party tonight?” Fjord asked. 

“Oh, of course.” Molly said. “Yasha?”

“Depends on what movies we’re watching.” Yasha said. “I do not want to watch  _ Tusk Love  _ again.”

“Come  _ on _ , Yasha!” Molly and Jester wailed in unison.

“I haven’t seen it since we deployed.” Molly complained. “I’m back from the dead. Let me have this, at least.  _ Please _ .”

“....Fine.” Yasha said. “But I want to watch  _ The Daring Trials and Tribulations of Ser Taryon Darrington _ .” The rest of the group exploded into complaints.

“I would also like to watch it.” Caleb offered. 

“Betrayal!” Nott wailed. “Caleb, you know how much I hate that movie!”

“Caleb, please. Please spare us.” Beau begged, reaching her hands across the table. “Don’t do this to me.” 

“It can be an equal exchange.” Caduceus said logically. “Yasha and I don’t want to watch  _ Tusk Love. _ Only Caleb and Yasha want to watch  _ Taryon Darrington. _ We can watch one movie we all want to watch.” 

“ _ Night Battle Broadsword! _ ” Beau exclaimed. 

“Nooo, there’s no romance in that one.” Jester complained. “It’s just buff men chopping each other up.”

“ _ Zemnian Nights. _ ” Molly suggested.

“I’m pro- _ Zemnian Nights. _ ” Fjord said. “It’s just the right amount of action with a touch of romance.”

“Shut up, Fjord, we all know you like the romance more than the action.” Beau said. “I’m fine with  _ Zemnian Nights. _ ”

“I  _ guess. _ ” Jester pouted. “There aren’t enough smutty scenes.”

“I like  _ Zeminan Nights. _ ” Nott said. “Caleb does too, right, Caleb?”

“ _ Ja, _ but the Zemnian is awful.” Caleb said. 

“ _Zemnian Nights_ it is.” Molly said cheerfully. “And if we aren’t all dead and asleep, we can watch _The_ _Great Dwendalian Bake-Off._ ”

“YES!” Jester screamed, nearly flipping the table in her excitement. 

“Oh, yes please.” Caduceus said.

“All right,” Fjord said, pulling out his phone and typing. “ _ Tusk Love, _ then  _ Taryon Darrington, _ then  _ Zemnian Nights,  _ and finally  _ GDBO _ .” 

“This is going to be the BEST PARTY EVER.” Jester exclaimed. Beau took her unfinished milkshake away.

“No more sugar for you.” she said. 

 

\------

 

When they had finished at the Invulnerable Vagrant, they piled into Fjord’s van and drove to the grocery store. There weren’t quite enough seats for all of them, so Molly perched on Yasha’s lap and prayed that they didn’t have to stop suddenly. He trusted Fjord to drive safely, but there was always a small chance that things would go wrong. Nothing did, and they pulled into the parking lot of the Dragoon’s Produce to the accompaniment of Jester’s incredibly loud collection of dance tracks. Molly ran ahead with Jester, leaving the rest of the group to grab a cart and amble slowly after them. Caleb’s leg was not very happy about all the walking he was doing, but he stoutly ignored it.

They located the others in the chip aisle, debating the merits of white corn chips over blue corn chips. Molly was holding a basket full of fizzy drinks, guacamole, and, for whatever reason, cucumbers.

“We needed more vegetables.” Jester explained when Fjord frowned at the addition. “Anyway, do we want blue corn or white corn?”

“Both!” Nott yelled from the baby seat. 

“White, please.” Caduceus said. 

“Blue.” Beau said, folding her arms. “It matches my outfit. 

“Both it is.” Molly said, grabbing two bags of each and tossing them into the cart. “Do we need any wine?”

“Nope! Got plenty of it!” Jester said cheerfully. She grabbed a box of fancy crackers and threw them in next to the chips. “Now we need cheese.”

“I’m going to go get more tea, for myself.” Caduceus said. “Molly, want to come with me?” 

“Of course.” Molly said. “Teach me your tea ways, o great firbolg.” 

“He’s taken, Cad.” Jester sang. Molly flipped her off and followed Caduceus out of the aisle.

“Is he?” Caleb asked as they continued through the store. “Taken?” If Molly had suddenly acquired a partner in the few hours that they had been back together, he hadn’t heard anything about it.

“Emotionally.” Jester said. “He’s madly in love with  _ someone we know. _ ”

“Gods, it’s not that weird guy who owns the crazy store across from Pumats’, is it?” Beau groaned. “They’d be insufferable.”

“No, silly, you know who I’m talking about.” Jester said, walking backwards and winking like crazy. “Some of us just don’t want to see it.” Caleb pointedly ignored her. “Caaaleeeb, you know it’s true.” she sang.

“How can it be true, Jester?” Caleb sighed. “He is Molly, and I am...me.”

“Exactly! It’s perfect!” Jester cried.

“I am a garbage person, Jester. I am not good enough for Molly.” Caleb snapped. “He deserves the world, not...not me.” 

“You’re not a garbage person, Caleb! Stop that!” Beau called. “You’re good enough for Molly. You’re  _ perfect  _ for Molly, because he’s crazy for you. It’s kind of gross.”

“You should see the faces he makes at you.” Yasha commented from the head of their group. “The faces he’s always made at you. For the past four years. Since we met you.”

“You can trust Yasha, she’s Molly’s best friend.” Jester said. They stopped in the frozen foods aisle to load up on ice cream. 

“And I’m your best friend.” Nott added. “I’d never lie to you. Molly is madly, intensely, grossly in love with you. You deserve nice things, and Molly is one of those nice things.” Caleb stared at his reflection in the freezer door. He didn’t know if he really believed them. He knew deep down that he was truly a terrible person. Only Nott and Beau knew exactly why, and even though they were telling him that Molly loved him, that he deserved to be loved by Molly, he still didn’t believe them. Anyway, Molly probably needed someone more stable. He seemed like he was in a good place despite everything, but Caleb knew as well as any of his friends that what people seemed was never how they really were. Molly didn’t need someone struggling with their mental health when he was struggling himself. Caleb was the worst person for Molly right now. Molly deserved better. 

“We found so much tea!” Molly exclaimed, striding down the aisle with an armful of tea boxes and dumping them into the cart. “And Caduceus is my favorite person now. Sorry, Yasha!” Yasha shrugged.

“Fair.” she said.

“Let’s go pay for all this stuff.” Fjord said. They started moving towards the cash registers. Molly linked his arm through Caleb’s and smiled at him. Caleb’s heart did backflips in his chest, and he smiled back. He was not good enough for Molly, but he could still love him like this. This was fine.

 

\------

“So, Molly.” Caduceus said as they walked towards the tea aisle. “I’ve seen you looking at Caleb.”

“Ye-es.” Molly said slowly. “I like to look...at my friends...yeah.” Caduceus raised an eyebrow.

“You don’t need to lie to me.” he said. “I can keep a secret. And I’m told I give good advice, although I don’t know how true that is. Jester thinks my advice is good.”

“That’s a vote in your favor, then.” Molly said. “Jester is choosy about who she gets her advice from.” They stopped in front of the tea, and and Caduceus began pulling boxes off of the shelf and handing them to Molly. “Yeah, you’ve got me. I like Caleb a little more than as a friend.” Caduceus raised an eyebrow again. “I like Caleb a  _ lot _ more than as a friend.” Molly amended with a sigh. “I’m in love with Caleb. There. Happy?” Caduceus smiled slowly. 

“You just have to say it out loud.” he said. “That’s the first step to accepting things.”

“I’ve accepted it. Oh, man, have I accepted it.” Molly said. “It’s only been, what, four years? I just...I don’t know. You’re new. I don’t know you.”  _ I don’t think Caleb likes me back. I don’t want to impose myself on him. _

“I know you.” Caduceus said. When Molly gave him a weird look, he laughed and said, “No, sorry, that sounded weird. I know about you. Jester told me everything, back when we first met. She was having a bad day, and I had free time, so we sat and she told me why she was so sad. I might have cheated a little bit, also. She told me you were in love with Caleb.”

“She did?” Molly exclaimed, the laughed ruefully. “I guess it didn’t matter, back then. I was dead, for all you knew. I don’t think she told Caleb. It would have made him feel worse, I think.”

“There wasn’t a lot that could have made Caleb feel worse.” Caduceus observed. “There wasn’t a lot that could have made all of them feel worse. They were really messed up when I came along.”

“And you fixed it all, did you?” Molly asked.

“No, I didn’t.” Caduceus said. “But I made sure they got therapy and all that. They’re getting better. Caleb’s getting better. But...you being back, that will help. I know it will. Especially for Caleb.”

“What do you mean?” Molly asked. They rounded the corner and came upon the rest of the group in the ice cream aisle.

“You know what I mean.” Caduceus said mysteriously. Molly frowned at him, then hurried down the aisle to throw the tea boxes into the cart.

“We found so much tea!” he exclaimed. “And Caduceus is my favorite person now. Sorry, Yasha!” Yasha shrugged. 

“Fair.” she said. Molly grinned at her.

“Let’s go pay for all this stuff.” Fjord said. They started moving towards the cash registers. Molly linked his arm through Caleb’s and smiled at him. “ _ Especially for Caleb. _ ” He thought he knew what Caduceus meant, but he didn’t quite believe him. Caleb smiled back, and Molly could have flown through the roof of the store on the burst of energy that gave him.  _ Gods, _ he was in love with this man. 

“Are you ready for the wildest night of our lives?” he asked. “At least, that’s what giving Jester all that sugar is sure to create.”

“I don’t know about wildest.” Caleb said. “Hupperdook was pretty wild. And, where was it, that place you and Nott and Beau got drunk and tried to fight the racist man? A month after we first met?”

“Yes!” Molly exclaimed. “I remember that! That was wild.” They had gotten kicked out of the bar and had run down to the river to go skinny dipping. He remembered trying to throw Caleb in and both of them falling into the water, laughing. He remembered Caleb’s grinning face shining in the moonlight, and he remembered that it was then he had really fallen in love with him. “We should go swimming again. All of us.”

“I don’t know.” Caleb said, and his forehead creased. “My leg…” Molly glanced at the offending limb and felt a pang. He had to get used to that.

“I can sit on the dock with you, then, and we can watch everyone else be stupid.” he said.

“And Nott.” Caleb smiled again, and Molly bumped him gently with his shoulder. “We can work around it, love. It’s not a problem.” Jester finished paying, and they marched out to the car, Yasha, Beau, and Jester hefting as many bags as they could fit in their hands. Caduceus looked back and winked at Molly. 

“He is so mysterious.” Molly commented.

“Caduceus?” Caleb asked. “Sometimes. Not always. You get used to him. He makes  _ very  _ good tea.”

“It’s made out of dead people.” Nott said, coming around the car and wriggling past Molly to claim the other middle row seat. Caleb hoisted himself into the van with a quiet grunt and settled into the other seat, leaving the rest of the group to clamber over them into the back. Jester, as always, had shotgun. 

“So, I take it Jester has introduced you to the wonders of  _ Tusk Love. _ ” Molly said to Caduceus as they began the journey back to Beau and Jester’s apartment. 

“It’s a rite of passage!” Jester yelled from the front. 

“Yes, she has.” Caduceus said, sighing. “I liked the plot but I had to cover my eyes too much for my liking.” Molly patted him on the shoulder sympathetically.

“I’ve become desensitized to it.” Fjord said, glancing in the rearview mirror. “You probably will too, eventually.”

“It’s not that much smut.” Beau said. “ _ Shallow Breaths  _ is worse.”

“Oh, gods, don’t remind me.” Caleb groaned, covering his face. “I don’t mind sex scenes, but that one was too much for me.”

“I liked it.” Jester said defensively. 

“Half of your friends are ace, Jester, have some sympathy!” Molly exclaimed. 

“More than half.” Yasha said. “It’s only you, Molly, and Beau who aren’t.” 

“I have more friends than just you guys!” Jester interjected. “I have Cali, and Keg, and Shakäste, and Sgt. Feelid…”

“Cali and Sgt. Feelid are ace.” Fjord said. 

“Keg isn’t.” Beau said.

“We don’t need to know about you and Keg, Beau!” Nott yelled, pulling her ears down over her face. “We don’t need to know that!”

“Oh, are you and Keg still….?” Molly began.

“DON’T FINISH, MOLLY, SHE’LL TELL US EVERYTHING!” Nott screamed. 

“Whoa, y’all, stop screaming, I’m trying to drive!” Fjord said. 

“You’re at a stoplight, you’re fine.” Nott said. “I’m saving us all.” Beau flipped her off. They moved on past the stoplight and turned into the apartment building that they had all lived in before getting deployed. 

“You still live here?” Molly asked, staring up at the gray building with its familiar skirt of flowered bushes and random fruit trees.

“They haven’t priced us out yet.” Beau said. “We all still live in the same places. Cad took your room. Fjord didn’t want to move, and he needed a place to live.” 

“I hope that’s OK.” Caduceus said, a concerned expression coming across his face. Molly patted him on the shoulder.

“Fjord needs someone to live with him. Otherwise he stress bakes and we end up with five cakes and no one to give them to.” he said.

“I did that  _ one time! _ ” Fjord exclaimed. 

“You should do it again.” Jester said. “I got to eat so much cake and I was sick for three days.” They walked across the parking lot and into the lobby. It still looked exactly the same. The same plastic plants, the same weird carpet with the awful pattern, the same sleeping receptionist. Molly didn’t realize that he had stopped walking until Caleb gently nudged him on the elbow.

“It hasn’t changed.” Molly said without taking his eyes away from the lobby. “We’ve all changed so much, but this lobby is still the same.” 

“ _ Ja _ . It’s surreal, isn’t it?” Caleb said softly. “I remember...when I got home from the hospital, I stood in the middle of the carpet and stared at the plants until Yasha realized I wasn’t walking with her.”

“Where was Nott?” Molly asked. He had assumed that all of their friends had been in Zadash for Caleb.

“They couldn’t get back until the mission was over.” Caleb said. “It was just Yasha and I for the month and week after...after I…” He trailed off. 

“Fucking army rules.” Molly said. “C’mon, let’s catch the elevator so they don't eat all the chips without us.” He took Caleb’s hand, and they walked over to where their friends were clustered by the elevators.


	3. The Full Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW sexual assault mention, fairly graphic mention of death-by-gun (starting at "Molly turned and stared out at the darkening sky and the glittering lights of Zadash" and ending at “You’re not a murderer.”). I'll put a summary in the end notes. 
> 
> Continued thanks to Beth and Artie for betaing and yelling at me for my various angst crimes! You too can yell at me @jimisnotagirl on tumblr, or in the comments here. Any and all comments are appreciated, no matter how incoherent. <3

They started watching  _ Tusk Love  _ as soon as they had unpacked the groceries and located all of the DVDs. Caleb tucked himself into a corner of the couch and stretched his bad leg across the length of the cushions. Beau claimed the last free section, and Nott perched like a large, green bird on the arm next to him. Jester and Molly sprawled across the floor in front of the TV, and Fjord claimed the single armchair. That left the floor for Yasha and Caduceus. Jester spent the entire movie reciting every line along with the actors and giggling at the sex scenes. Caleb had seen the movie so many times that he didn’t need to pay attention to the whole thing to remember exactly where they were when he returned to focusing. 

He lost about five minutes of the film to watching the outline of Molly’s head in the glow from the screen, his horn bangles glowing a faint blue in the light. How Molly had managed to keep his jewelry through eight months of imprisonment, he had no idea. Maybe he had bitten his jailers when they had tried to take them away. But Molly had been not in a state to bite people for probably most of his first few weeks there. It was nice jewelry, too. Caleb guessed the Iron Shepherds had some sort of superstition about tieflings and had not wanted to bring bad luck on themselves by taking jewelry from a tiefling. People like that generally did. 

“Oh,  _ Guinevere. _ ” Jester cried, throwing her hands into the air and snapping Caleb out of his thoughts. He returned his focus to the screen and the romantic drama that was unfolding in front of them. 

When they finished  _ Tusk Love _ , they took a break to use the bathroom and replenish the chip bowl. Nott ran off to do something deeper in the apartment, and Molly came to steal her perch.

“Man, I missed that movie.” he said, crossing his legs and balancing on the plush arm. 

“Nott’s going to be very angry that you took her spot.” Caleb commented, smiling up at the tiefling. Molly shrugged. The movement made him wobble dangerously, but he caught himself and settled back into a comfortable position.

“I survived eight months in a slaver’s jail. I can handle Nott.” he said, grinning. “I have missed  _ Taryon Darrington _ , too. It’s so cheesy and stupid, but I love it.” 

“ _ Ja _ , it is fun.” Caleb said. Nott returned from wherever she had been and frowned at Molly.

“Molly, if you don’t get off of my spot, I will take your kneecaps  _ and  _ your pinky toes.” she said. Molly hopped off of the couch and returned to his spot on the floor. “I missed having to threaten people to get my spot back.” Nott sighed. “It just isn’t the same with Jester.” The jaunty title music of  _ The Daring Trials and Tribulations of Ser Taryon Darrington _ began to play, and they settled back to watch the ridiculous antics of Taryon Darrington and his even more ridiculous sidekicks. 

When that movie was done, they ordered pizza and took a brief movie break to eat and play Truth or Dare, as per Jester’s request. Molly wedged himself between Caleb’s leg, Beau’s back, and the back of the sofa in a position that looked very uncomfortable.

“I’ll go first!” Jester said. “Cad! Truth or dare!” Caduceus considered, chewing his pizza thoughtfully.

“Dare.” he said finally. Jester grinned.

“That was a rookie mistake.” Molly said. “You never want Jester to give you a dare. It’s always vaguely sexual.”

“Not for Cad. Cad is special.” Jester said. “OK...I dare you to...hmm...eat the pepper.” She snatched it up from the pizza box and offered it to him. Caduceus took it, inspected it, then popped the whole thing in his mouth. Everyone else waited with bated breath as he ate it. 

“Hmm. Delicious.” Caduceus said, licking the grease from his fingers. 

“WHAT THE FUCK?? WHAT THE FUCK!!!” Beau screamed, leaping off of the couch. “WHAT ARE YOU, CAD? WHAT ARE YOU?” 

“I like spicy food.” Caduceus said, smiling. 

“Those peppers are  _ evil _ .” Molly said. “Evil, I tell you. You are a witch.” Caduceus smiled and reached over to eat the other pepper. 

“Now it’s your turn!!” Jester exclaimed, bouncing on her heels. Caduceus regarded them all with an inquisitive expression.

“Caleb….truth or dare?” he said. 

“Ahh...dare.” Caleb said. He trusted Caduceus to not choose something absolutely ridiculous as a dare. Caduceus regarded the materials he had at his disposal. 

“Take this cookie,” he said, selecting one of the chocolate chip cookies Jester had dug out of the freezer and offering it up, “And put this salsa on it,” He passed over the jar of salsa, “And then...eat it.” Everyone gaped at Caduceus. Not only was it far more wild than his usual dares, it was also a food abomination. 

“All right.” Caleb said, accepting the materials. He dunked the cookie in the salsa, closed his eyes, and ate it. It was  _ incredibly  _ spicy, and in another life he would have sprinted to the sink and stuck his head underneath it. “Oh,  _ fuck,  _ that’s  _ hot _ .” he exclaimed, opening his eyes and staring at the smiling Caduceus. Tears started to pour down his face, and he lunged for the garlic bread on the table next to the couch.

“Ghost peppers.” Caduceus said proudly. “Clears the sinuses right out.” Molly patted Caleb on the thigh sympathetically. He barely noticed the contact, he was so busy stuffing bread into his face. 

“Cad, you’re a demon.” Jester said, her eyes wide in awe. “That was Beau levels of evil.” Beau lazily flipped her off. When Caleb had sufficiently recovered from the salsa, he wiped his streaming eyes on his sweater sleeve and considered his friends.

“Nott, truth or dare?” he said finally. 

“Dare.” Nott said, narrowing her eyes. Caleb smiled and considered.

“Re-enact the confession scene from  _ Tusk Love _ .” he said. When the others began to protest that it was too easy, he held up a hand. “Re-enact it...with Mollymauk.” 

“Caleb!” Nott wailed. “He’s going to get so into it. A year isn’t enough for me to forget the last time you made me do this.” Caleb smiled. Molly shoved himself up and carefully vaulted over Caleb’s leg to kneel in front of her.

“Oh, Guinevere, the light of my stars and the sun to my moon.” he said, dropping his voice at least three octaves. “Your lips are like lucious pillows that mine  _ ache _ to recline upon.” Jester cackled, and Nott pulled her hood down over her face.

“Stop! You’re too into this!” she squealed.

“You have to follow through, Nott.” Caleb said seriously. “You have to do it, or I’ll think of something worse.” 

“Ugh,  _ fine _ , but I will get you back for this.” Nott grumbled. “Oskar, my dearest, what are you saying?” she trilled. “We cannot do this. What if my father found out?”

“Oh, my love, I do not care about what the others think.” Molly said, reaching his hands up towards her. “I only care about your beautiful eyes, your hair, your  _ curves _ .” 

“But, Oskar, you know how my father feels about you.” Nott said, turning away from him.

“I know.” Molly said, gazing at the carpet. “But,” He tossed his hair and made what Jester would call  _ bedroom eyes _ at Nott. “I also know how I feel about you.” 

“OK, OK, gross!” Nott cried, throwing her hands over her face. “I’m done with this!”

“Acceptable.” Caleb declared. Nott stuck her tongue out at him. 

“Now, I have ultimate power.” she declared. She passed her eyes across the room and landed on Molly, who was returning to his spot on the couch. “Mollymauk Tealeaf. Truth or dare?”

“Dare, obviously.” Molly said. Nott grinned and drummed her fingers on her chin. 

“Kiss Caleb.” she said. “On the lips.”

“C’mon, Nott, it has to be something he  _ doesn't _ want to do.” Jester complained. Caleb felt his face start to turn red.

“Fine.” Nott said. “Kiss Beau.” Molly turned his head towards Beau like an owl and grinned.

“Come here, my darling.” he said in his Oskar voice. Beau groaned.

“Fuck you, Nott.” she said, and leaned over to let Molly kiss her. “WHAT THE FUCK, MOLLY!” she shouted about two seconds into it, leaping away from him. “TONGUE?! GROSS!” 

“Molly, you’re so weird.” Caduceus said. Molly bowed and returned to his tiny strip of couch. 

“Fjord. Truth or dare?” he said.

“Truth.” Fjord said stoutly. “I am not letting you dare me into something.” Molly sighed.

“Fine. Most embarrassing childhood memory.” he said. 

“You  _ know _ my most embarrassing childhood memory, Molls.” Fjord sighed. “That doesn't count.”

“Tell us, Fjord!” Jester exclaimed. 

“Yeah, Fjord, I want to know what it is.” Nott said, leaning towards him from the edge of the couch. Fjord groaned.

“When I was ten, I was the lead in our school’s production of  _ Seussical Jr. _ , and not only did my pants fall off in the first act, but I also knocked the entire set down and peed myself during curtain call.” he recited, flushing dark green. 

“Aww, that’s so sad.” Jester said. “But cute, too. Now you have to pick someone!”

“Beau, truth or dare?” Fjord said. 

“Dare.” Beau said immediately. “But no weird food, and no kissing, and no  _ Tusk Love _ .” Fjord studied the coffee table as if it held the secrets of the universe.

“Go next door and knock on the door, and when they answer, do a couple of backflips and yell something.” he said finally. “Make it whatever you want.” Beau grinned and jumped over the back of the chair. Molly offered Caleb his hands, and Caleb took them. His cane had rolled under the coffee table at some point during the afternoon and he didn’t feel like getting it. They clustered around the door, watching as Beau knocked on her and Jester’s very crotchety, very elderly neighbor’s door. Molly wrapped his arm around Caleb’s waist, and Caleb knew it was just to give him extra support, but the part of him that listened to Jester started to get its hopes up. The door opened, and the old elf man who lived there appeared in the hall, frowning at Beau.

“GAY RIGHTS!” Beau yelled, and did a backflip, a handstand, and fell into a shoulder roll. Her friends parted to let her roll inside, and Jester slammed the door. 

“Man, he’s going to be  _ pissed. _ ” Molly said. “I remember him. He’s the one we mailed all those prank letters to, isn’t he?”

“Yes!” Jester exclaimed. “He’s the worst.” They returned to their seats. Caleb sat upright on the couch and leaned his leg on the coffee table, leaving plenty of room for Molly and Beau. Nott could have joined them on the couch proper, but she remained on the arm. 

“Yasha, do you want to do one?” Beau asked. 

“No thank you.” Yasha said, coming over to sit in front of Molly. 

“Good choice.” Caleb muttered. Beau flipped him off.

“That leaves...Jester.” she said. 

“Dare.” Jester said. “ _ Duh _ .” Beau chewed her lip, thinking. 

“I dare you to recite one of those raunchy poems you write, but for the Traveller and not for...who you originally wrote them for.” she said finally. Jester grinned and jumped to her feet.

“I need to find them first, hold on.” she said, and ran down the hall towards her bedroom. 

“What have you  _ done _ , Beauregard?” Caleb groaned, putting his hands over his face. 

“I underestimate her power.” Beau said. “I thought she wouldn’t want to do it. I truly underestimated what kind of relationship she has with her god.” There was a pounding as Jester returned, a piece of looseleaf paper clutched in her hand. 

“All right, listen here, all ye people.” she declared, marching to the very front of the room. Caleb did his best to turn his ears off and think about something else, but his brain just wouldn’t cooperate. He could only focus on the very well written, very vivid, very sexual poetry that Jester was reading to them. It was impossible to not speculate about who she had written this for originally, and the evil looks she sent every single one of them did not help. When she was finished, the room let out a collective sigh of relief. 

“That was. Yeah.” Beau said. 

“It was very poetic.” Caduceus said, looking very uncomfortable. “I can give it that.” 

“And with that, let’s have another bathroom break and watch  _ Zemnian Nights _ and scrub away what we all just listened to with the beautiful sound of Hans Achterberg speaking to us of his life on the farm.” Molly said, moving to stand up. 

“Wait a second.” Jester said, holding her hand up. “We have something we need to talk about.” Molly fell back onto the couch. “Fjord and Cad and I talked about this when we were in the kitchen getting plates, and we all decided that it needs to be talked about. Right now.”

“ _ Oh Götter.”  _ Caleb mumbled. He had an idea about what this could be, and he would not put it past Jester to do what he thought she was about to do. 

“How did you get out of the fortress, Molly?” Fjord asked gently. Caleb frowned and stared at Fjord. This was not what he’d been expecting. “You were cagey about it at lunch, and we were worried. I was worried.”

“I was worried too.” Jester said. Molly sighed and crossed his legs, leaning his knee on Caleb’s thigh. 

“You’re never cagy about things.” Fjord explained. “We just wanted to make sure...make sure nothing was really wrong.”

“Maybe I just want to not talk about the traumatic thing that happened to me right away.” Molly snapped, his whole body stiffening with anger. Everyone except for Caduceus froze, and a silence fell over the room. None of them had ever heard Molly snap like that. They had heard him get angry, but never at them. Caleb wound the sleeves of his sweater around his hands, pressing himself back into the corner of the couch. “I’m going...out. Away. Whatever.” Molly continued, standing up and stalking out towards the balcony. “I need time. Don’t follow me.” The sliding door slammed, and silence descended down again. Jester had hunched her shoulders up, and tears started welling up in her eyes. 

“Something really bad happened to him.” she whispered. “Worse than we thought.” Caduceus crawled over to put a hand around her shoulders.

“Should I...should we...check on him?” Fjord asked cautiously, glancing towards the door. 

“Caleb should go.” Yasha said suddenly. “But not yet. Give him some space. It’s been a crazy couple of days, and he’s feeling very overwhelmed.” Caleb gave her an incredulous look. “You’re good at listening, and you understand where he’s coming from.” she said. Caleb shrugged and pulled his sweater further over his hands. They sat silently for a long time, then Caleb sighed.

“I will go to him now.” he said. “Nott, can you….?” Nott hopped off of the couch and retrieved his cane before he had even finished speaking. He stood and made his careful way around the pizza boxes towards the balcony. Molly had his elbows on the railing and his face in his hands. His tail was drooping, something Caleb had definitely never seen before. He stepped over the edge of the door and shut it quietly. He walked slower than usual over to Molly and leaned on the railing next to him. Molly didn’t move. 

“Mollymauk,  _ Schatz,  _ are you...are you alright?” he asked softly.  _ Schatz _ . He had never called Molly that before.  _ Darling. _ Molly dropped his hands and looked at Caleb. He was crying, tears rolling like a waterfall down his face. 

“No.” he whispered. “I’m not.” Caleb shifted closer to him and leaned his shoulder into his. Molly pressed against him, his head falling to Caleb’s shoulder. Caleb put his arm around Molly’s shoulders and held him. Molly started to sob harder.

“ _ Shh, shh, Schatz,  _ I’m here.” Caleb whispered. He balanced his weight on his left leg and carefully took his other hand off of the rail to wrap both arms around Molly. He stroked Molly’s hair, remembering that it was something that calmed him down. Molly’s sobs slowed, but he stayed pressed against Caleb. 

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled. “I’m so...I don’t know…”

“ _ Shh. _ ” Caleb murmured. “It’s OK. It’s OK. I understand.” Molly straightened up and took a long, deep breath. Caleb dropped one of his hands back to the railing, but kept his left hand on Molly’s shoulder. 

“I...I should…I should tell you. What happened. What I did.” Molly said.

“No,  _ Schatz. _ You don’t need to. Not if you aren’t comfortable.” Caleb said gently. Molly shook his head.

“You need to know.” he said, rubbing at his eyes. “I need to tell you. Before…” He stopped and sighed. Caleb squeezed his shoulder. 

“Take your time.” he said. Molly turned and stared out at the darkening sky and the glittering lights of Zadash.

“There was a guard at the prison who was in charge of my cell block.” he said. “There were a few, but this one guard was always there. I wasn’t the only prisoner. They’re slaves, you know that. I was the only one who stayed there full time. This guard, he had  _ special _ prisoners. Usually women, or people he perceived to be women. Prisoners he took a fancy to. In a way.” Caleb turned that over in his head, digested it, then understood it. A sick feeling curled in his stomach, and he thought he knew where this story was going. “Then, he ran out of pretty girls to prey upon and he got interested in...in me. Men always like something exotic.” Molly laughed darkly. “He didn’t do anything. I didn’t let him. That’s how I got that scar on my knuckles. I punched him in the face when he tried to...tried to...you know. That got me in trouble.” Molly hunched his shoulders, as if the guards were there on the balcony with him. “It always got me in trouble, when I fought him. I didn’t care.

“The last night I was there, he came to my cell, and he was...he was angry. I don’t know why. I don’t think I’ll ever know why. He...he grabbed me. Said he was going to, ‘show me what a man could be made of’, or something stupid like that. He took me down the hall, out into this secret passage. I guess it was how the guards got into the cells. No one was around. I don’t know why. I don’t…” Molly stopped again and rubbed his face. “He tried to...to...to…” He took a deep breath, then turned to Caleb and said, staring straight into his eyes, “He tried to rape me.” The words fell heavy in the night air. “I kicked and I screamed and I tried to bite that motherfucker but it was almost….it wasn’t enough. But he’d made a mistake. He left his gun on his belt. So I grabbed it. I kneed him in the face and when he came up to get at me again I shot him with his own pistol and I ran.” 

“Molly…” Caleb whispered. “Oh, Mollymauk.” He took his hand off the rail and, ignoring the screaming pain in his leg, pulled Molly into a hug. Molly tucked his face into his shoulder and clung to him. They stood there for a long time, the only sound the occasional insect buzzing by and the quiet hum of traffic on the street below them. 

“I killed him.” Molly said finally, his voice muffled in Caleb’s shoulder. “There was…there was so much blood. Everywhere. It got on me. There was blood splattered all over my shirt and my hands and my pants and my boots and…” His words caught in his throat, and he stopped. Caleb leaned his forehead on top of Molly’s head and ran his hand up and down his back. “He was an awful, awful man, and he’d done awful things to so many other people, but I still killed him. In cold blood. It was so much more different from just shooting faceless soldiers from the top of a hill. When I knew I was safe, when the firbolgs had found me and taken me in, I couldn’t stop crying but I couldn’t tell them  _ why _ .” He stopped for a few more seconds, then said, “He was evil, and foul, but I still feel like a murderer, Caleb. I can’t...I can’t get away from that.”

“You’re not a murderer.” Caleb said softly.  _ If anyone should know what a murderer is, it’s me. _ “I know you, Molly. You would never have killed him if it wasn’t….if things were different. It was defensive. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I pulled the trigger.” Molly said, straightening up and staring at Caleb. “I could have knocked him out, but I grabbed the gun and I shot him.” 

“ _ Liebling _ , he was going to...he probably would have….he was going to hurt you, and you were protecting yourself.” Caleb said, stumbling over the words. “It wasn’t murder, Molly. It wasn’t. You...you are a kind and loving and sweet person, Mollymauk Tealeaf, and I know if things had been different, if you had more resources, if…”

“But what I did was I shot him.” Molly whispered. “I shot him. His blood was all over my hands. I killed that man.” Caleb searched for something, anything, to convince Molly of what he was certain was true.

“I know you are not a murderer because I love you, and I would never love a murderer.” he said finally. As soon as he said it, the doubt started to crawl into his brain and he cursed himself for saying something like that.  _ Molly doesn't need to know that. Molly doesn't need you. Molly doesn't deserve you. _

“But...what?” Molly stared at him. “Caleb, did you…”

“I love you, Mollymauk.” Caleb said again. “I love you and I have loved you for a long time now, and I know that you are not a murderer.”

“Caleb, you don't...you don't have to say that just to make me feel better.” Molly said, turning away from him. Caleb reached out and cupped Molly's face, turning it back towards him.

“Would I lie to you, Mollymauk Tealeaf?” he asked. Molly studied his face, then shrugged. “Would I lie to you about this? Now? When you are so emotionally vulnerable?”

“No.” Molly said. “You wouldn't. I'm sorry...I…” He sighed. “I've seen some shit. I don't think I'm the same person you fell in love with. Maybe...it's better if...you deserve so much better than me, Caleb.” 

“We've all changed, Molly.” Caleb murmured. “And...I know I am not the same person I was when we lost you. I have seen all kinds of...shit. And I know this, as well as I know Nott, as well as I know myself: you deserve the world.” Molly opened his mouth, but Caleb kept going. “I know...I know that you think because of the things that happened to you, because of the things you had to do, you are a terrible person. I know because I have been there.”  _ For me, it's true. I did terrible things and I was to blame for all of them.  _ “And I know you are not terrible, Molly. You...you are the light in all of our darkness. You have always been that...always making sure everyone was all right, and happy, and...and I have always loved you for that. So...even if you do not love me in the same way I love you, please remember this: you deserve everything, you are a good person, you are not to blame for the things you did to survive.”

Molly stared at him for a long time, clearly trying to find the words to say. After what felt like hours, he leaned forward and kissed Caleb. His lips were salty with tears. Caleb tensed, surprised, then relaxed and melted into Molly’s embrace. Molly wrapped an arm around Caleb’s waist, and Caleb took his hand off of the railing to hold on to Molly. Molly’s tail had wound its way around his ankle. They were entwined, holding on to each other, finding support in the other’s lips and hands and waist and arms. 

“I love you, Caleb.” Molly whispered, pulling just far enough away for his words to be heard. “I love you so much. I think I’ve always loved you, ever since we met. I was just…”

“Afraid.” Caleb finished for him. “I know,  _ Schatz.  _ I know.”

“Yeah.” Molly said. “Gods, we were so stupid. We could have had this before...before everything.”

“But we have it now. We have it now, and that is what matters.” Caleb murmured, and kissed him again. 

“Hey, lovebirds!” They were snapped out of the kiss as Beau slammed the sliding door open. “Hurry up, I want to watch the movie!” 

“Fuck you, Beau, we were having a nice moment.” Molly yelled back. He turned to Caleb and kissed him again. “I do want to go watch the movie. It’s my favorite.” 

“I know.” Caleb said. They shared one final kiss, then Caleb grabbed his cane and Molly’s hand and they wandered back inside. When they returned to the living room, their friends exploded into raucous applause.

“I just made so much money thanks to you!” Jester cheered.

“That is not a real bet.” Fjord muttered. “I didn’t agree to that, Jester.” Jester smiled sweetly at him. 

“All right, we’ve waited long enough, let’s watch this  _ fucking _ movie.” Beau said, marching over to the DVD player. Caleb settled back into the corner of the couch, and Molly curled up next to him, their fingers still locked together. Beau hit play, and  _ Zemnian Nights  _ began. The Zemnian was terrible, and Caleb wasn’t sure what historical research they’d done to get that inaccurate to the period, but it was still a good movie. It was made even better by Molly snuggled against him, occasionally whispering commentary on the plot or the romance or just whatever came into his head. Everything was turning out right, for once. He was so happy, happier than he had been in a long time. In a year, to be exact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary of trigger stuff: Molly escaped because a guard took him out of his cell for Reasons and he managed to shoot the man and run.
> 
> Full disclosure, which I think I've put on another fic but there's nothing wrong with reiterating it: I have kissed one person in my life ever, and it was not super romantic and fluffy like this kiss was, so any and all kissing description mistakes are my fault.   
> (This sounds a lot less dramatic when you realize that I am almost 18 and have not been alive for all that long in the grand scheme of things)


	4. The Missing Piece

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! It's time for an early chapter! It's my senior prom tonight and I don't want to forget to post because of sleepiness. 
> 
> Continued thanks to my lovely betas, Beth and Artie!! 
> 
> Also continued shameless self-promotion of my tumblr, @jimisnotagirl, which is a hellhole of memes and Critical Role/TAZ fanart. 
> 
> Trigger Warnings:  
> Several brief mentions of scars (implied whip scarring, Caleb-typical scars): From “Your back.” Nott said. “What happened?” to “They wanted information, and they didn’t care about keeping me pretty.” and from "Caleb took his sweet time, knowing that Nott would be a while." to "Caleb leaned into him, tucking his head against his shoulder." and also from "People always lied, always tried to keep things from others." to “No, not really.” he said."

 Caleb fell asleep halfway through their third episode of _The Great Dwendalian Bake-Off,_ his head nestled on Molly’s shoulder. It was approaching 2 in the morning, and they were all tired but were very determined to not go to sleep. 

“I can’t believe him.” Jester said in a stage whisper when the episode was over and it was revealed what Caleb had done. “Falling asleep in the middle of bread week? Unbelievable.” 

“ _ Shhh. _ ” Nott hissed. “ _ He’s sleeping.” _

“Caleb could sleep through the apocalypse, he’ll be fine.” Jester whispered. “Even...now.” She made an awkward face. “So...Molly. When did you figure out you were in love with Caleb?” The question was asked in a lilting sing-song voice, and accompanied by Jester grinning mischievously at him.

“Oh, I don’t know.” Molly sighed. “There’s just so many moments.”

“After we met in that bar in Trostenwald.” Yasha suggested. “You wouldn’t stop talking about him.”

“Aww, that’s so romantic!” Jester squealed, and was immediately shushed. Caleb, as was usually the case, did not wake up, and instead mumbled something in Zeminian and curled up closer to Molly. Molly shifted so that Caleb’s head was against his chest and absently ran his fingers through Caleb’s hair. “ _ I  _ figured out you were in love after we went after the gnolls.” Jester added in a soft voice.

“You figured it out from that? I thought that was just Molly.” Beau said, raising an eyebrow.

“It was so  _ obvious _ , Beau.” Jester said.

“I’ve always known.” Nott said. “I can tell.” 

“Me too, but it was only because Molly wouldn’t stop talking about him.” Fjord said. 

“I’m subtler than that.” Molly said. Yasha and Fjord both frowned at him. “ _ Fine _ , I’m not subtle. I’m subtle enough for us to have gone four...five years without noticing.”

“You’re both oblivious. That’s your problem.” Jester said. “Me, I know  _ everything. _ So, are we going to watch something else?”

“I think it’s time to go to sleep.” Caduceus said, adding a yawn in for good measure. “Night, all. Nice t’meet you, Molly.” He stood up and wandered over to the door.

“Night, Caduceus!” Jester called, and Nott shushed her. “Sorry, Caleb.” she whispered.

“I’ll head out, too, I guess.” Fjord said, yawning. “Good night, y’all.” He clambered over the pizza boxes to give Molly a hug, then followed Caduceus out of the door. 

“We’ll get going, too.” Nott said. “Molly, you can stay at our place.” Molly gave her a thumbs up and gently nudged Caleb. It took a couple of tries, but eventually Caleb stirred and frowned tiredly at him.

“ _ Was… _ ” he grumbled. 

“I don’t think Jester wants you to sleep on her couch.” Molly said. Caleb rubbed his face and fumbled for his cane.

“Good night, Jester dearest.” Molly said, going to give her a hug. “And good night to you too, Beau.” He went to join Nott and the bleary Caleb at the door, and they walked slowly back to their apartment. Caleb mumbled something unintelligible and disappeared into the single bedroom. Molly took a moment to state around at the farmilier packed bookshelves and mismatched thrift store furniture. The same haphazard arrangement of photographs decorated the surfaces. 

“You can have the bed tonight.” Nott said. “I'm fine on the couch.” She wandered over to the linen closet and pulled out a neatly folded stack of sheets and blankets.

“Good night, Nott.” Molly said, ruffling her hair affectionately. She stuck her tongue out at him, but smiled. Molly padded down the hall and into the bedroom. Caleb was lying on his stomach, arms splayed out like a starfish, still in his clothes and fast asleep. Molly took his own clothes off and folded them up neatly on the chair in between the bookshelf and Caleb's dresser. He moved the sheets so that Caleb was tucked in and crawled in next to him. “Good night, Caleb.” he whispered, and went to sleep.

When he woke up, he had a brief panic where he forgot where he was. He sat up, clutching at the bedsheets, and stared around. With a deep sigh, he recognized the bedroom and relaxed. The sheets where Caleb had been were rumpled, and Caleb was nowhere to be seen. A fluffy orange cat was curled up in the tangled sheets, watching him.

“Hey, Frumpkin.” Molly said, reaching over to pet the cat. He purred and stepped delicately over to sprawl across Molly's legs. Molly ran his hands through his hair, working the tangles out. A brief glance at the bright pink cat alarm clock on the bedside table next to him told him it was almost noon. He spent a few minutes petting Frumpkin, then got out of bed. He pulled his jeans on and wandered down the hall to the kitchen. Caleb was leaning against the counter by the stove, humming and scrambling eggs. His cane was propped up in the corner of the kitchen. 

“Good morning, darling.” Molly said, traipsing over to Caleb and kissing him on the cheek.

“ _ Hallo, Schatz.”  _ Caleb said, turning and kissing him back on the lips. “How did you sleep?”

“Best I've slept in a long time.” Molly said, hopping up onto the counter next to where Caleb was. 

“ _ Ja _ , me too.” Caleb said. He gave the eggs one whisk and turned the stove off. “Can you get the bread out and put some in the toaster?”

“Yes I can.” Molly said, hopping back down and retrieving the bread. He cut four slices-one for him, one for Caleb, two for Nott-and popped them into the toaster oven. “I'm surprised that hasn't broken yet.” he commented, eyeing the elderly appliance with some wariness. 

“I'm glad it hasn't.” Caleb said, filling three plates with eggs. “We don’t have enough room in the budget for a new one.” There was a thump ad the bathroom door opened and Nott entered the kitchen with damp hair and a pill organizer in one hand.

“Caleb, you forgot to take your meds yesterday.” she said, setting it down on the table. “Morning, Moll _ why aren't you wearing a shirt!? _ ”

“C'mon, Nott, you've seen me in less.” Molly said, folding his arms across his bare chest. Nott rolled her eyes and marched over to grab a plate. The toaster dinged cheerfully, and she elbowed past Molly to grab her toast. 

“Molly, can you get me a glass of water,  _ bitte _ ?” Caleb asked, moving along the counter to grab his cane and sitting at the table. Molly went to fill a glass of water at the fridge. As he turned away from the other two, he heard Nott take a sharp intake of breath. Molly turned to frown at her.

“What is it?” he asked. Nott was staring at him with concerned eyes. Caleb was watching him too, twisting his sleeves around his hands, his eyebrows squeezing together. 

“Your  _ back _ .” Nott said. “What  _ happened _ ?” A knot curled in in Molly’s stomach. He was so comfortable with his scars that he had forgotten about the new ones, the bad ones, the ones he actually remembered the origin of. He reached a hand up and absently rubbed the ridge of scar tissue that crept over his shoulder. 

“They wanted information, and they didn’t care about keeping me pretty.” he said, shrugging. If he stayed casual, they wouldn’t notice how his hands were shaking. He carried the water back to the table and sat next to Caleb. “I guess I should go see the doctor about my prescription.” he commented as Caleb swallowed his pills. “Fuck, there’s so much I have to do, now that I’m back.”

“We can take it on one at a time.” Caleb said. 

“I bet if you talk to Jester she’ll get one of her friends at the hospital to write you a new prescription.” Nott suggested. “She’s done that for us a few times. Technically it’s illegal, but oh well!”

“Doctors are expensive and they don’t always like working with...us.” Caleb said to his fork. 

“Doctors suck.” Molly declared. 

“A _ men _ .” Nott agreed. “Except for Jester’s friends. They don’t suck.”

“Is that free clinic still around?” Molly asked. “The one that you used to go to, for mental health stuff?”

“It is.” Caleb said. “We still go when we have time and energy.”

“I would  _ kill _ for the Drs. Thrym.” Molly declared. “They are a godsend to us poor folk and we do not deserve their angelic grace.” 

“A _ men _ .” Nott said again. Caleb smiled. There was a pounding on the door, and Nott went to answer it. 

“Good MORNING!” Jester hollered, marching into the apartment. “It’s a beautiful day to go on an adventure!”

“Oh gods, I don’t like the sound of this.” Caleb said. “What kind of adventure?”

“I’m up for whatever you come up with.” Molly said. Jester gave them both enthusiastic hugs and plopped down in the seat Nott had just vacated. 

“Well, I put this past Beau and she just groaned at me, but I was thinking we could go to the bathhouse and then go see Sgt. Feelid!” she said. “Also I don’t think she’s awake yet.”

“She will be now.” Nott observed, reluctantly taking the one empty seat left at the table. “How long have you been awake? Why are you always so perky? We were awake until two last night.”

“Oh, I woke up at...nine?” Jester said, shrugging. “You know me, I’m always ready to go!”

“It’s the  _ weekend _ .” Nott said, gaping at her. “You wake up really early to get to work. Why don’t you  _ sleep _ ?”

“Sleep is for the weak.” Caleb mumbled. 

“Shut up, Mr. I Slept Through Multiple Bombings And My Friends Having Very Loud Sex Next Door.” Nott groused. The coffee maker beeped at them, and she stood up again to fetch a cup. 

“I want to hear about that last one.” Molly said. “Who did you sleep through? Why was it so loud?”

“It was Keg and Beau having emotional sex after you died.” Jester provided cheerfully. “It was  _ very _ loud.  _ Anyways _ , are you guys up for that?”

“Do you even have to ask me if I’m up for the bathhouse?” Molly asked. “And I would like to see dear old Bryce.”

“Yay!!” Jester cheered. “I assume that means you’re up for the bathhouse too, Caleb?”

“Molly and I did not suddenly become joined at the hip when we declared our love for each other.” Caleb said wryly. “But you are correct. Nott?”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Nott said. She took a long draught of coffee and sighed. “Ah, sweet caffeine.”

“I’m going to go down to the old apartment to get a change of clothes, assuming Fjord kept them.” Molly announced, standing up and putting his dishes in the dishwasher. “I will be back.” He kissed Caleb, went to get his shirt from the bedroom, came back to kiss Caleb again, and headed out of the door. His old apartment was a floor up from the others, and when he knocked on the door Caduceus opened it wearing a frilly apron and holding a bowl of some sort of batter.

“Why, good morning, Molly.” he said. “You’re just in time for pancakes. They’re my special blueberry recipe.”

“That sounds amazing.” Molly sighed. He followed Caduceus into the apartment. It still looked mostly the same. Fjord’s model ships still took over the top of the bookshelf, and the large Oscar Wilde print still dominated the living room. Fjord had apparently not had the heart to remove Molly’s clashing Ikea pillows or the intricately patterned Oriental rug they had found at the Invulnerable Vagrant. There were a few differences, though. For example, when Molly had last been in this apartment, there had not been houseplants of all kinds covering the available surfaces. 

“Are those yours?” Molly asked Caduceus, despite the obvious. Fjord would never buy that many succulents.

“Oh, yes.” Caduceus said. “This is Gertrude, and this is Marius, and those two are Yolanda and Fredrick, and that lovely fellow over there is Patrick.” Molly stared at him with a mixture of confusion and awe. He had never met someone who gave their house   
plants names. Even Yasha, who loved her window box of flowers more than she loved Molly, didn’t name her flowers. Caduceus was  _ incredible _ . He turned around and spotted something that he hadn’t realized he would see. His Platinum Dragon tapestry hung from the wall next to the bookshelf, taking up the entire wall and pooling slightly at the bottom. He grinned. 

“Hey, Molls.” Fjord said, wandering out of the hallway. “Did you come for your clothes?”

“Yes, but I’m staying for the pancakes.” Molly said, taking a seat at the table. “Why did you keep the pillows? You hate them.” 

“Yes, but they were yours and I...it felt like throwing you away, getting rid of them.” Fjord said, looking embarrassed. “And Jester likes them.”

“Oh ho.” Molly said, grinning at his friend. “So this is about Jester, is it?” Fjord glared at him and blushed dark green.

“Pancakes.” Caduceus sang cheerfully, flipping two pancakes onto each of the plates on the table. Molly had eaten plenty at Caleb’s, but he dug into the pancakes with relish. They were heavenly.

“Caduceus, these are the best pancakes I’ve ever eaten, and I’ve had Fjord’s mom’s special pancake recipe.” he announced through a mouth full of pancake. He was unwilling to stop eating to speak. “Made by Fjord, and I’m sure you’ve eaten Fjord’s cooking.” 

“Oh, I have.” Caduceus said. “It was delectable. Especially the cakes.”

“You’ve got to watch out for the cakes.” Molly warned. “If he gets too stressed he bakes like ten cakes in one day.”

“It was  _ one time _ .” Fjord grumbled into his pancake. Molly patted him on the shoulder sympathetically. 

“So, Caduceus, how did you end up as a mortician? And how did you end up befriending Jester, of all people?” he asked. 

“Well, my family owns a graveyard, so it’s in the blood.” Caduceus said. “I like working with dead people. They’re nice and quiet, and you can learn a lot. And I met Jester because she came to hide in the morgue and cry one day. I asked her what was wrong, and we started talking about loss and grief and about you, actually. We kept that up for a while, and then she invited me to movie night, and I just stuck around.”

“There was a lot more to it than that, really.” Fjord added. “I needed a roommate, and so did he, so we met separate from him and Jester, and you and Caleb met outside of movie night, too, right?”

“Yes, we did.” Caduceus said. “At the library. He was having a panic attack and I stepped in to help out.” 

“You really did take over all of the things I used to do.” Molly observed. “Rooming with Fjord, looking after Caleb...what can’t you do?”

“I can’t do a push up.” Caduceus said after a long pause. “I can’t draw too well, I can’t play Mario Kart…”

“Oh good, I’m still the Kartmaster.” Molly said.

“Stop callin’ yourself that.” Fjord groaned.

“It’s what I am! I am the Kartmaster and you will never take that away from me.” Molly exclaimed. “Not even death could take my title.” Fjord just sighed. “Alright, where’d you put all my clothes and things?” Molly asked. 

“They’re in the back of Cad’s closet.” Fjord said, standing up. “We didn’t have anywhere else to put them, and he didn’t mind.” Molly followed him down the hallway, grinning at the photo of Michelangelo’s  _ David _ that still hung next to the bathroom, and into his old bedroom. It had completely transformed. For one thing, it was  _ neat _ . Molly was a proponent of the concept of organized mess, and had tended to have piles of things on his floor. He knew where everything was, he just didn’t want to pick it up. Caduceus’ things were all tucked away in the dresser and the drawers of his desk. The closest thing to something lying out was the neat stack of books on the desk. There were more plants on the windowsill. Fjord opened the closet to reveal a collection of dress shirts, sundresses, and coats. 

“Here’s one box.” he said, tugging a large cardboard box with ‘MOLLY: CLOTHES’ written on it in blocky Sharpie. “This is clothes, I think. So’s this one...and here’s the box of shoes...and here’s your other stuff.” There were five boxes in total, each one bursting at the seams. Molly rummaged through the clothes boxes to find a pair of jeans and his favorite crop top, the black one with ‘CHAOS’ written on it in reversible silver and pink sequins. When he had changed, he tucked his dirty clothes back into the box and regarded all of the boxes.

“We need Jester and Yasha.” he said. “I can carry maybe one of those.” Fjord pulled his phone out and tapped a few times. 

“ _ Hello, Oskar. _ ” Molly could hear Jester saying in a sultry voice.

“Um. Hi, Jester.” Fjord said awkwardly. “Can you come help us carry boxes?”

“ _ Oh, of course.” _ Jester said. “ _ I'll be there….soon.”  _  There was a click as she hung up, and Fjord shoved his phone back into his jeans.

“Jester is…” he began.

“A lot.” Molly finished for him. 

 

\------

 

Molly returned to the apartment with Caduceus, Fjord, and Jester in tow, each carrying a very large box. Caleb was sitting on the couch reading, his book propped on top of Frumpkin, and Nott was curled up on the armchair scrolling absently through her phone. They announced their return with a loud thump on the door. Nott sighed and trooped over to open it. The four marched into the apartment and dumped the boxes down onto the living room rug.

“Are those all your clothes?” Nott asked, gaping.

“Just these three.” Molly said. “Those two are my other things. I’ll keep them here until we figure something out.” He folded himself up on the couch next to Caleb. “So, are we going to the bathhouse?”

“I’m waiting for Yasha to answer her phone.” Jester said. “You know how she is. Beau has classes to teach so she won’t be able to come.

“I can’t believe Beau’s in charge of teaching real humans to do things.” Molly commented. 

“Sometimes I can’t believe it either.” Caleb said. 

“She’s getting better at people.” Fjord said loyally. “There was a period when she was really bad again, but… I don’t think any of us were at our best then.”

“You can say after I died, it’s fine.” Molly said, leaning his head on Caleb’s shoulder. 

“Yasha says she’ll meet us there!” Jester cheered. “Let’s get going!” Molly bounced up off of the couch and went to retrieve a pair of shoes from the box. Caleb went to put his book back in the bedroom, and Nott followed him. 

“There’s something off about the Molly business.” she said, packing her swimsuit into a string bag.

“What do you mean?” Caleb asked, frowning at her. Nott shrugged.

“Why didn’t we hear anything about him being alive?” she asked. “If the Shepherds were looking for a ransom, they must have sent messages to command. They ought to have known.” An anxious lump curled in Caleb’s stomach, and he sat on the bed.

“You’re right.” he said. “We can...we should ask Molly. He will know.” 

“Will he?” Nott asked. “He’s been through shit we can’t even imagine. He’s hiding it, but...you know as well as I do what it looks like when someone’s hiding things.” Caleb nodded. He had known Molly was shoving something down behind his cheerful façade since they had reunited in the library, long before he had cracked at the party. Caleb wasn’t great at catching social cues, but he knew Molly like he knew his own pulse, and he knew what it looked like to hide emotions even better. “He’ll talk to you.” Nott said, breaking into Caleb’s thoughts. “He’s always gone to you for things like this. You or Yasha.”

“ _ Ja _ .” Caleb said simply. He worried the strap of his cane, twisting it into knots. “Let’s go.” he said. “The others are waiting.” They stood up and walked out into the apartment proper. 

The bathhouse was a couple of blocks away from their building. It was old, and had been around for over a hundred years. It was not incredibly busy, despite the fact that it was a Saturday. When they entered the changing room, the only other people there was an elderly human couple who gave the upstart youngsters invading their space the stink eye. Nott disappeared off to the bathroom stalls to put her bathing suit on, and the others began to take their clothes off. Caleb took his sweet time, knowing that Nott would be a while. Molly settled down on the bench next to him, already completely nude. Caleb didn’t think he would get used to Molly’s new scars anytime soon. They reminded him of his own scars; an intricate web of lines crossing their way up Molly’s back and creeping over his shoulders in places. They stood out in stark contrast to the tattoo that covered his back, cutting through the eye and cutting a strange pattern into the ink. There were a couple on his stomach, too, but those blended in with the neat line of scars that covered his chest. 

“They’re nasty, aren’t they?” Molly said quietly, catching him staring. Caleb nodded and absently rubbed one of his wrists. He couldn’t think of something to say. Molly reached over and took his hand, running his thumb over Caleb’s palm. 

“They look like mine.” Caleb said finally, holding out his free arm. “They’re so...deliberate.” Molly glanced down at Caleb’s forearm and tightened his hold on Caleb’s hand.

“Yeah.” he said. “I...I forgot.” He brushed a finger over the lines covering Caleb’s arm. “How could I ever forget that?” he whispered, his voice small and shaky. Caleb leaned into him, tucking his head against his shoulder.

“You’ve had a lot to think about,  _ Schatz _ .” he said. Molly buried his face in Caleb’s hair. They sat there, holding on to each other, until Nott emerged from the bathroom. She was wearing swim trunks that fell past her knees, a long-sleeved rash guard, and big tinted goggles.

“Let’s go swimming!” she said cheerfully. “Oh. I can…”

“No, we’re fine.” Molly said, sitting up. “Let’s go take a bath.” Caleb curled his hand around Molly’s arm and they slowly made their way to the pool. Jester was already splashing around, chasing Fjord around the pool and cackling while the old couple looked on in irritation. Yasha was tucked into the corner, lounging in the water and watching the chaos. As soon as Caleb was in the water, he dove under and swam the length of the pool and back to Molly. Hurting his leg had made it so that he worked his arms out far more than he had before. If someone had told him before the accident that one day he would be able to do laps using just his arms, he would have laughed at them. He came up for air and floated on his back, smiling up at Molly.

“You’re such a show-off.” Molly teased, going into the water up to his neck next to Caleb. “I can barely swim half of the pool with all of my limbs.” 

“How did you get into the army, then?” Caleb asked him, putting his good leg down so he didn’t float away. 

“Sheer talent.” Molly intoned. “C’mon, let’s go over to Yasha.” He splashed away, and Caleb swam after him. 

“Hello there.” Yasha said when they emerged next to her. “Jester is going to scare those poor people away before long.” Jester had clambered out of the pool and was preparing to sprint back in. As they watched, she broke into a run and leapt into a cannon ball. The splash that resulted was enormous, and reached all the way to them. Nott scuttled over to sit on the edge of the pool next to them, looking a lot like Frumpkin did when he fell into the bathtub.

“Maybe that’s a good thing.” Molly commented. “They’ve been giving us nasty looks.” He made a gesture that captured himself, Caleb, Yasha, and Nott.

“Why are there always racist people here?” Nott groused. “Can’t they bathe somewhere else?”

“We should make a sign.” Molly suggested. “No Racists Allowed.” 

“I don’t think we can do that.” Yasha said. “It’s probably against the law to ban a group of people from a public place.”

“It should be against the law to glare at people for their race.” Molly countered. He flicked his tail at the couple in a gesture that Caleb was fairly certain had rude connotations in tiefling culture. Caleb shot a glance at the offending people and caught the man’s eye. They stared at each other. Caleb shoved as much anger and hatred into his eyes as he could muster. It must have been a lot, because the man’s eyes widened and he backed up a step. Caleb turned away and paddled over to snuggle against Molly. He looked back at the man and gave him another icy glare. 

“What an asshole.” he declared. 

“What are you doing, sending evil telepathic thoughts at him?” Molly asked, staring at the man as well. “He looks like he’s about to piss himself.” 

“Well, I am very intimidating.” Caleb joked. “There’s nothing scarier than a scrawny, naked, disabled man.”

“I bet he’s afraid of Yasha.” Nott guessed. “There’s really nothing scarier than very large, very buff Xhorasian woman who looks like she could crush your head in one hand.”

“You know these racists.” Molly said. “He probably thinks we all have magic powers. There’s a lot of crazy rumours about tieflings out there.” He flicked his tail again. The couple quailed even more under the scrutiny of their whole group. There was a huge splash as Jester picked Caduceus up and threw him across half of the pool into the water. “Someone should stop Jester before she kills someone.” Molly commented. None of them moved to do anything.

“I trust her.” Caleb said. 

“Me too.” Nott said loyally. “She won’t do anything too unsafe.”

“Black magic!!!” Jester hollered, running around the pool to dive in over the heads of the old couple. “Evil tiefling stuff!! Bwahhhhhh!!!!”

“This is an outrage!” the old woman exclaimed. “Mortimer, let’s get out of here.” They both marched across the pool and dripped indignantly across the floor to the changing rooms. 

“We finally broke them!” Jester cheered, splashing over to the rest of the friends. “Nice job, team!”

“It wasn’t hard.” Caduceus commented as he and Fjord joined them. “All we had to do was splash a lot and be ourselves.” 

“Now the pool is ours!” Jester said cheerfully, pushing off of the wall and waving her arms and legs back and forth until she lost momentum and sank beneath the water. The door to the changing room banged open and Beau came marching in.

“Beau!!” Jester exclaimed. “Enter the pool!” 

“Kung fu kids are fucking insane.” Beau said once she had splashed grumpily into the water. “I’m so glad Master Dairon has other people to teach that class. I’d dropkick them in the first hour. I was busy taking care of the lost and found and one of the kids freaking swept the other and then fell on top of him, and then all the other kids started doing it! They thought it was hilarious!”

“Kids are like that.” Molly said, patting her on the shoulder. 

“I got to take it out on the brown belts.” Beau said, sounding satisfied. “20 push-ups, then 20 frog leaps, then we did a form, repeat. All the way through 3rd Crane.” 

“You’re insane.” Molly said affectionately. 

“So, what did I miss?” Beau asked. “I saw a pair of old people complaining to the person at the front desk about something.”

“They were racist and we chased them out of the pool.” Nott said.

“Jester chased them out of the pool.” Fjord amended. “We just watched.” 

“Freaking  _ work _ , making me miss chaos like that.” Beau grumbled. “I want to freak racist old people out.”

“There’s always next time.” Caduceus said. There was a quiet rush as the pool was replenished with hot water. Beau swam off in search of soap, and the others settled down to soak. Nott began to braid Caleb’s hair. It was a ritual they had. Caleb wasn’t sure why they had started, but at some point after they had all returned from deployment Nott had started braiding his hair when they went to the bathhouse. Come to think of it, she had started braiding his hair more in general. Maybe it was because he actually had enough to braid, but Caleb suspected it had something to do with both of their need for something to hold on to. Everything had fallen apart, but they could hold it together with rituals and routines. They would have to let go of some of it, now that Molly was back. They could make new ones. 

“Hey, Molly, I’ve been wondering something.” Beau said, and Caleb pulled his brain back into the moment. 

“Yes, Beau dear?” Molly asked. 

“Did the Shepherds really tell you they were trying to get a ransom for you, or did you just assume that was why they took you?” Beau asked. Caleb could feel Molly stiffen next to him.

“Beau, is this really the time?” he asked, slipping his hand into Molly’s and squeezing.

“No, but I just thought of it.” Beau said. “It’s weird, isn’t it? That we didn’t hear anything? I thought, maybe Molly just...I dunno, misremembered. You know how…” She stopped.

“How my memory is. I  _ know _ my brain’s fucked up, Beau, it’s what happens with trauma.” Molly said. There was a sharp edge to his words. “I know they told the army they were ransoming me. They held it over my head that the fucking army wouldn’t respond. No one cared about one  _ stupid _ tiefling in the middle of the northern wastes.” His voice shook, and Caleb leaned into him. Nott had stopped braiding, and it felt like the entire group was holding its breath. 

“They didn’t tell us you were alive.” Jester said in a tiny voice. “They  _ knew. _ ”

“Fucking... _ fuck _ .” Beau growled. “Those…. _ fuck _ .” 

“What if they were lying?” Fjord asked. 

“I know lies.” Molly said quietly. “They weren’t lying about that. It was the one thing they told me that was true.” Caleb felt sick. They had  _ known. _ The army had  _ known. _ They had known, and they hadn’t said a thing. Who was in command? He wracked his brain. He hadn’t thought about this in months. There was General Fedar, but who was above him? It must have changed since he had learned the hierarchy. 

“We can go see Sgt. Feelid.” Jester said, shoving perkiness back into her voice. “They’ll know. Won’t they? They were in charge of our platoon. If anyone was told, it would have been them.”

“Just a few more minutes.” Beau complained. They stayed until Beau got tired, then wandered back into the changing rooms to dry off and put their clothes back on. No one said anything. They were all lost in their own worlds, turning this new information over and over. Caleb had felt that something like this would happen. There had to be a catch in Molly coming back. It was never as simple as it seemed. Good things never were. People always lied, always tried to keep things from others. He rubbed at his scars. What if this lead back to  _ him _ ? Caleb didn't want to think about  _ him _ ever again, but this was the sort of thing  _ he _ would be involved in.

“Caleb.” Caleb glanced up as Molly took his hands. “Are you alright?” Caleb had been staring blankly at his arms, rubbing the scars over and over until the skin next to them went red.

“No, not really.” he said. Molly sat next to him on the bench and sighed.

“I know.” he said, his voice dull. “I didn’t want to think about it, but…”

“It was going to come up eventually.” Caleb finished. “These things always do. It’s the way of the world for us.”

“Trauma sucks.” Molly said, and Caleb laughed darkly. Molly leaned his head on Caleb’s shoulder. “I just want everything to go back to what it was.” he whispered. 

“ _ Ja, Ich weiß. _ ” Caleb murmured, putting an arm around Molly’s shoulders and kissing him on the side of the head. “I know.” 

“Are you guys coming?” Beau asked, poking her head around the row of lockers.

“Yeah, we are.” Molly said. He stood up and held his hand out to Caleb, and they walked after Beau.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cool fact: all of the things Beau says about kung fu are heavily based on things that happen at my kung fu school! Some black belts are very cool and kind and some black belts make you do super low stances without moving for five minutes at a time because you need to have Ultimate Power


	5. Blast from the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Not super explicit panic attack: “We’re coming, Molly.” Beau said, glaring." to “It’s been so long...I thought he was gone.”  
> Scar mention: "He took a breath." to “He’s the one who sponsored the exclusion bill.”   
> Caleb-Backstory Typical Trauma and Fire and Such (the same as in canon, generally): “You know the beginning of this story." to “Trans privilege, huh?”  
> Suicide attempt mention: “Don’t throw my words back at me.” to "Molly took Caleb’s hands and squeezed."  
> Anxiety attack: “Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Fjord said." to “I hope Caleb is OK.”
> 
> I'll put a summary for the plot-important triggering stuff in the end notes!
> 
> Eternal thanks to Beth and Artie, who yelled at me for this chapter quite a bit. 
> 
> Also, a note: I will be traveling next Tuseday so expect either another Monday posting or a late Tuseday posting! Not sure which I'm going to do because I'll be spending time with family on Monday, but we'll find out.

Sergeant Bryce Feelid lived in a small two-story house in the suburb of Alfield, which was a fifteen minute drive from Zadash. It looked just the same as it had the last time Molly had visited. The lawn was a bit unkempt, but the garden was full of neatly cultivated rows of vegetables and wildflowers. They filled the small porch. Molly lurked on the single step next to Yasha. Caleb had been pulled off to a corner by Nott, and the two were whispering furtively. The door was opened by a tall human with golden brown skin and dark brown hair tied up in two buns on the top of their head. This was Bryce’s roommate and best friend Ryllae.

“Oh, hey, y’all.” they said. “You here to see Bryce? They’re baking but I’m sure they’ll stop to come see you.” The smell of quiche wafted through the door, and Molly’s stomach started growling. They trooped through the door. Molly stayed back so that he could walk with Caleb. They walked down the photograph-lined entrance hall into the living room, which had a handful of chairs and a lot of photos of the residents of the house. Ryllae’s incredibly buff orc girlfriend Yasmina was sitting on the couch reading a magazine. 

“Hey guys!” she said cheerfully, waving. “We thought you might stop by...hold on. Ry, tell me I’m not crazy.” Ryllae turned and frowned.

“What... _ oh my gods, Molly!” _ they exclaimed. Molly went to accept the two’s enthusiastic embraces. “I’m getting Bryce right now!” Ryllae announced, running into the kitchen and emerging with a flour-dusted Bryce.

“Ry, what...hello...MOLLY?” Bryce’s face ran through at least five different emotions, then they ran to hug Molly. Molly hugged them back. He had missed Bryce so much. They had been through a lot together, and not just battles and deployments. When the army had considered banning openly transgender and gender nonconforming soldiers, Bryce and Molly had organized their friends to fight the policy and had testified in front of the legislature and the courts to prove that they were just as capable as fighting as their cisgender peers. They had fought for better treatment of soldiers who came forward about sexual assault, and they had done their best to fight the hopelessly binary uniform system. Molly had gone to Bryce about the transphobic harassment he had experienced in boot camp, not the person actually in charge of taking care of harassment. Molly had told Bryce about his crush on Caleb before he had told Jester. 

“Gods, Molly...I….I don’t know what to say.” Bryce said, looking up. Their face was streaked with tears. “We  _ left  _ you. You were alive, and we just…”

“You couldn't have gotten to me without losing more people.” Molly whispered. He had wrestled with this on many a dark night, curled up in his cell. If the platoon had gone back for him, who knew what would have happened? They probably wouldn’t be standing in this living room. “I got out eventually. That’s what matters.” The others had taken seats in the living room and were talking quietly to Ryllae and Yasmina. Molly and Bryce went to sit on the couch, and Caleb quietly moved from the armchair he had claimed to sit beside Molly. 

“So, what  _ happened _ ?” Bryce asked, wiping their eyes on the sleeve of their henley. “Where were you? Did the Shepherds leave you for dead? How did you survive out there?” The cold lump that had been building in Molly’s stomach since the bathhouse grew tenfold.

“They took me prisoner.” he said to the vase of flowers on the coffee table. “They wanted to see if I had any inside information on the army. They milked me for everything I had and then some. They wanted ransom money most of all.” he added, staring at Bryce. 

“But...I never heard anything. They communicated that to the army, didn’t they? They ought to have.” Bryce said.

“That’s what we’re trying to figure out.” Beau said. “Who would that be? The person in charge of all of that? Ransom stuff?” Caleb had gone very still. Molly looked at him and saw that he was watching Bryce with something that looked a little like fear in his eyes. 

“Um...the king, I think.” Bryce said slowly, looking over at Ryllae. “Right?”

“Probably.” Ryllae said, cocking their head. They worked high up in the bureaucracy of the army and knew things like this. “Or...what’s his face. The guy who used to be in charge of recruitment at the Soltryce Academy? Trevor something?”

“Trent Ikithon.” Caleb whispered. His fingers were curled around the hem of his sweater, and the knuckles had gone white.

“That’s it! Thanks, Caleb!” Ryllae crowed in triumph.

“Caleb, are you alright?” Molly whispered, so soft that only Caleb could hear him. He could feel Caleb trembling through the couch cushion.

“ _ Ja. _ ” Caleb whispered. “I’m fine.” He did not sound fine.

“Do you need to go somewhere else?” Molly asked. Caleb nodded stiffly and shoved himself up. He disappeared out of the living room as fast as his bad leg would let him. Molly turned to the assembly and pasted a smile on. “We’re fine. Don’t worry. Just...things.” Beau and Nott both stood up.

“We’re coming.” Nott said.

“OK. Sure, why not? Let’s make this a party.” Molly said, frowning at them. 

“We’re  _ coming _ , Molly.” Beau said, glaring. Molly shrugged and went out after Caleb. He checked the porch first and found Caleb sitting on the swing, his cane rolling against the railing of the porch, his head in his hands. Molly crossed the small porch in one leap and and sat on the bench beside him. Caleb was breathing in irregular, wheezing gasps, and his whole body was shaking.

“Caleb,  _ shh,  _ breathe, breathe.” Molly whispered, rubbing Caleb’s back. “C’mon, with me; in, out, in…” Slowly, gradually, their breathing synced up, and Caleb fell into him, trembling. “Hey, hey, it’s OK. It’s OK. You’re safe. I’m here.” Molly whispered, wrapping his arms around Caleb. 

“It’s been so long...I thought he was  _ gone _ .” Caleb whispered into Molly’s chest. “He’s going to find me again, he’s going to…”

“He’s not going to find you again, Caleb.” Nott said, sitting on the floor in front of them and putting a hand on Caleb’s good knee. “Not if we have anything to do with it.”

“He has his ways.” Caleb said. 

“You’ve got a different name, a different life, hell, a different body.” Beau listed, crouching next to Nott. “He won’t find you.” 

“Who’s this  _ he _ ?” Molly asked. Caleb sat up and stared at him with wild, tear-filled eyes. 

“Trent Ikithon.” he said. “He…” He took a breath. “He was my teacher at the Academy. He picked me for his special program after I graduated. He did this.” Caleb pulled his sleeves up and displayed his scars. A cold shiver ran down Molly’s spine. “ _ He did this. _ ” Molly had always assumed that Caleb’s scars were from Caleb. He had never asked. You didn’t ask about scars like that. Just because he was comfortable with his scars didn’t mean other people were. He had known that Caleb struggled with mental illness and he had extrapolated from there. Someone had  _ done _ that to Caleb. Someone with a name, someone who Molly could hunt down and  _ hurt  _ for what he had done.

“He’s the one who sponsored the exclusion bill.” Beau said. “All of the exclusion bills. Right, Caleb?” Caleb nodded, staring at the boards. He pulled his sleeves back down and over his hands. 

“And he’s the one responsible for Molly not getting rescued.” Nott said. 

“We don’t know that yet.” Beau said. “He’s…”

“It was him. I know it.” Caleb said. “He controls everything.” He twisted his sleeves around his fingers. “Beau and Nott have heard this story already.” he said, turning to look at Molly. “I want you to hear it now. You gave me your story, I will give you mine.” Molly brushed a stray strand of hair back behind Caleb’s ear and nodded.

“OK.” he said softly. “I’m listening.” Caleb closed his eyes, let out a long breath, then opened them again. Then, he began.

 

\------

 

“You know the beginning of this story. I was born in Zemnia to a family that was not very well off, but we were not poor. We were happy with what we had. I was, I am, an only child, but we had a cat, and there were lots of children for me to play with in our town. I was very clever, and I read a lot of books. I skipped a grade, graduated at seventeen, and went to the Soltryce Academy in Rexxentrum on a full scholarship. I studied literature, of course. I wanted to be a librarian, get a doctorate, become a professor. I wanted so much.

“There was a man at the Academy. People whispered about him, said he was a spy from the king to watch the students. They weren’t wrong. When I had graduated, valedictorian and maxima cum laude and all that, he came up to me at the afterparty and handed me his card. He wanted me to join his...special program. To work for the government. That was Trent Ikithon. He persuaded me, of course. I was 20. I was so young. I wanted to work for the greater good, and even if that didn’t look like my plan, it was still something. 

“I learned a lot in his program. It was to teach us to spy, to listen, to root out the evils in the country. I was using my literature skills, my librarian certificate. I organized the files, I wrote the reports, I oversaw it all. I was so  _ proud. _ I was serving my country. That was the first year. The next year, we got first-hand experience of what we were learning to do. To kill traitors.

“I never thought it was wrong, what we were doing. They would bring in someone, I would read off their file, and then one of us would shoot the person. There were three of us, all from my town. Weren’t we proud of that? Three kids from Blumenthal, all in this elite program. We were making sure the country didn’t fall by killing these people. It was our duty to the king, to the country. 

“Ikithon taught us well, we thought. He was cruel, sure, but what was that to the power he gave us? He used methods that we accepted. He beat us. He put devices in our skin, things he wanted to see if they worked. I was so happy, then. I didn’t care that my wrists hurt, that I woke up screaming from nightmares about him, I didn’t care about the pain. Every time I...I killed a traitor, I grew in his eyes. 

“In the third year, we were ready to graduate. He had groomed us, had taught us the things we needed. I was so excited to go out in the world and help the country find the traitors that I had been helping to kill. I went home for break that year buzzing with glee. 

“One night, I was lying in bed listening to my parents talking next door. They were talking about how they were worried about me. I didn’t know why. Then, I heard them say things. Things about Ikithon. They didn’t trust him. They didn’t want me to graduate. They wished they had never let me go to Rexxentrum. I had almost gone to the University of Zadash, but the Academy had a more prestigious program. They thought Ikithon was ruining me. They said other things, too. Things that I saw as against the Empire. My parents were traitors. I was horrified. I didn’t sleep that night.

“When I got back to the Academy, Ikithon called Astrid, and Eodwulf, and me to him for our usual meeting. We all shared the same story; our parents were talking treason. He was sympathetic. He told us we knew what we had to do, and we did. It would be our graduation exercises, Ikithon told us. It would show him that we were truly loyal. If we killed our treasonous parents, then we were truly servants of the Empire. 

“We went back to visit before graduation. At Eodwulf’s home, he shot them over the dining table. Astrid poisoned her parents. And I…

“I was always fascinated with fire. When I was a small child, I liked to help my father light the grill, the fireplace, the birthday candles. It made sense to me what I would do. I had kerosene, I had the matches. I lit the fuse, and the house burned. And that was when it hit me what I was doing. I was murdering my parents. I could hear them screaming inside. I...I broke. I wanted to run in after them. I almost did, but Ikithon grabbed me. He yelled at me, told me to stop being so weak. And...that’s all I...all I... 

 

\------

 

With that, Caleb stopped, sucking in a long breath. He was crying. Molly put his arm around him and squeezed his shoulder.

“Take your time, love.” he whispered. “Take a break. It’s OK.” Caleb leaned against him, breathing slowly and shakily. 

“I was in a psychiatric hospital for a while after that.” he said softly. “A long time. Until...a patient there. I think she had a psychiatric degree or something. She got through, somehow. I think it was because...because she was going through the same thing. Same kind of thing. She figured out my medication, made the doctors listen to her. She was...I don’t know. I got out. I met Nott. I met you. I got...things changed, legally, medically, all of it. I’ve been hiding ever since.”

“Trans privilege, huh?” Molly joked. “Easier to hide.” Caleb laughed shortly, shakily. 

“ _ Ja. _ ” he whispered. He sighed. “Now...now you know it. All of it.” He sat up and stared at Molly. “I have done awful things, Molly. I have killed so many people. My own parents. Innocent strangers. I killed them. You asked me if you were a murderer. I am a murderer, Mollymauk. I am a murderer. I told you I knew you were not a murderer because I would never love a murderer. Because I know what a murderer is.”

“Caleb.” Molly said. “Caleb, no. You’re not a murderer. He...he manipulated you, Caleb. He tricked you. He twisted your mind around his finger. You were  _ 20 _ , for fuck’s sake. He used you. Don’t say you’re a murderer.”

“It’s true. I chose those things. He did not make me kill them. I killed them. I killed my  _ own gottverdammt parents. _ ” Caleb said, shaking his head. Tears rolled down his cheeks. “I do not deserve your pity, Mollymauk. I do not deserve...I do not deserve your love. I never have, but I never had the courage to tell you. Now you know. I am a  _ garbage _ person, I…”

“Stop.” Molly said, taking Caleb’s face into his hands. “Stop that, Caleb. You are not a garbage person. You are not a murderer. I know this. I know, because I love you.”

“Don’t throw my words back at me.” Caleb said to the cushions. “You are lying. It’s not true. It’s not.” 

“Fucking  _ hell _ , Caleb, how many times have Nott and I told you this?” Beau exclaimed suddenly. “You’re not garbage. You’re not a murderer. I’ve been telling you as much for  _ two years _ ! Listen to Molly if you won’t listen to me, but you are a good person and you are deserve all the love in the world. Hell, you fucking jumped in front of that clockwork thing for me! It would have killed me!” 

“I jumped in front of it  _ because I wanted to die! _ ” Caleb shouted. There was silence, cut only by Caleb’s quiet sobs. Molly dropped his hands from Caleb’s face to hold him, to rub his back, to make sure he knew that he was still there. 

“Oh.” Beau said finally. “Oh.” She tapped her fingers on the boards of the porch. “We-ell, that’s...that’s the least selfish...not that...fuck, Caleb, why didn’t you  _ tell _ us?” Caleb sat up and rubbed his face.

“I don’t know.” he said hoarsely. “I...things were already so broken. I didn’t...I didn’t want…” He stopped. Molly took Caleb’s hands and squeezed. 

“Caleb,” he said, then stopped, not sure what he was going to say. “I love you.” he said finally. “I love you so much, and I swear on my life I won’t leave you ever again. I’m always going to be here. No matter what.” Caleb stared at him, studied his face, then his eyes softened and he smiled, just a bit. Molly leaned in to hug him. Nott climbed up onto the bench to join them, and Beau awkwardly leaned into Caleb and Molly’s legs. They stayed there, leaning into each other, until Beau straightened up and sighed.

“We should probably get back inside.” she said. 

“I’m going to stay out here.” Caleb mumbled.

“I’ll stay.” Nott said. “Molly, you should go in. This is about you.” Molly twisted his lip, considering the options.

“I’m fine, Molly.” Caleb said. “For now.” His mouth turned up in a faint ghost of a smile. Molly nodded and kissed him.

“I’ll be back as soon as we’re done.” he promised. He kissed Caleb again, then stood up and followed Beau back into the house.

“He didn’t even tell Nott.” Beau muttered when the door had shut. “Gods, I feel like we should have  _ noticed _ .”

“There was a lot going on.” Molly said. “Caleb is good at hiding things. He’s had a lot of practice.” They stood in the dim hallway, listening to the faint buzz of conversation from the living room. 

“I guess you’re right.” Beau said quietly. “Hell, I didn’t even know he was trans until we were living in close quarters. After I’d known him for a whole  _ year _ .”

“I think that’s just a you problem.” Molly said teasingly. “He was just starting T, Beau, come  _ on _ . It’s not hard. Half your friends are trans.  _ You’re  _ trans.” Beau punched him in the shoulder, and he rubbed the spot, wincing. 

“Things were just so messed up after you...after we...after we lost you.” Beau said. “I guess you’re right. We were all struggling. We’ve been struggling. There was that, and then Caleb got hurt and we just... fell apart. Did I tell you, I got in trouble for punching one of the officers above Sgt. Feelid? I was just so...angry. I’ve been really angry for no reason for a while.” Molly studied a photo of Bryce and their partner hanging on the wall, considering what he would say next. Beau beat him to it. “Things are going to be better now.” she said. “You’re not dead, and we can start putting everything back together. We were working on it, but it’s...it’s like trying to set a broken bone when all your fingers are broken too.”

“Now that’s a metaphor.” Molly said. They stared at the wall together.

“Let’s go figure this shit out.” Beau said, turning and walking towards the living room. Molly lingered for a moment, then followed her. “Nott and Caleb are staying outside for a bit.” Beau announced when they entered, flopping down on the couch. Molly sat next to her. “He’s fine. Just the old anxiety. So, are we going after this Ikithon fucker? What are we going to do?”

“It’s a little hard to go after him.” Ryllae said. “Gods know we’ve been trying for years. He’s a slippery motherfucker.”

“He is a fucker.” Bryce said. 

“SARGEANT FEELID!” Jester screeched, her eyes bugging. 

“You’ve heard me curse before, Jester, it’s not a new phenomenon.” Bryce said, smiling a bit. 

“Once! We’ve heard you curse once before!” Jester exclaimed. “It is new!” Fjord shook his head and sighed.

“Thank you, Jester.” Molly said. “Now, how are we going to get Ikithon back for leaving me for dead?”

“Well, you could call up the office and ask them about Molly, just because.” Yasmina said. “Then you can see how they respond.”

“Cad can do that.” Beau said. “Cad knows people.” 

“Oh, sure.” Caduceus said. “I don’t know all the military terms and things, but I can do my best.”

“I’ll write you a script!” Jester said cheerfully. “Dear Mr. Ikithon: did you leave our best friend to die horribly in the wastes of the north? Fuck you!”

“ _ I  _ will help you, thank you Jester.” Bryce said. 

“Or Fjord. Fjord is good at talking to authority.” Molly said. “Or you can just sound like a concerned citizen. They love that up at headquarters.” 

“I could do it and pull rank.” Bryce said thoughtfully, running their fingers through their hair absently. “But I don’t think that would work. They don’t like me very much. I’m too…”

“Good at being a decent person.” Jester finished. 

“I guess you could say that.” Bryce conceded. 

“And then, when they don’t answer, Nott and I will go and  _ rifle through their things. _ ” Jester said. “We are the best detectives, after all! We’ll find what they’re hiding.” Bryce sighed and put their hands over their ears.

“I am not listening.” they announced, and began humming. Ryllae wandered out of the room, and Yasmina followed them. 

“When Nott and Caleb get back, we can start planning our heist.” Jester continued. “You can be the distraction, Molly. Cad can help, too. Nott and I will break into the offices, Beau and Yasha can be lookouts, and Fjord and Caleb can...I don’t know. Maybe Caleb can be a distraction.”

“I don’t think Caleb wants to be a distraction.” Molly said, glancing towards the window. The view of the porch was obscured by a huge, flowery bush. 

“We’ll figure that out.” Jester said. “Then, once Nott and I have evidence, we’ll give it to Cali and she’ll do her computer thing to scan it or whatever.”

“That sounds like a waste of Cali’s computer skills.” Molly commented. “She’s a trained computer programmer. Anyone can scan a document.”

“But she can do it in a cool way!” Jester pointed out. Bryce sighed and followed their housemates out of the room. “Hey, we could ask Aleks! He knows how to hack, doesn't he?”

“We are  _ not _ asking Aleks to help us do crimes.” Beau groaned. “He works for the government. He’s married to Bryce, who’s an officer in the army. He’s the worst choice!”

“Do we need someone to hack?” Yasha asked, froming. “Can’t we just, I don’t know, email the documents to a newspaper anonymously and ask them to publish them? That’s a thing, right?”

“Caleb would know.” Fjord said. “Caleb knows about laws like that.”

“CAY-LEB!” Jester yelled at the window. “GET BACK IN HERE!”

“He won’t come for that, Jes.” Fjord sighed. “And he probably can’t hear you.”

“I’ll get him.” Molly said, unfolding from his spot on the couch. He wandered back outside. Nott and Caleb were leaning against each other, swinging back and forth on the swing and talking quietly. Molly leaned against the doorframe and waited for them to finish their conversation. 

“ _ Hallo _ , Molly.” Caleb said, glancing up and smiling wanly at him. Molly came over and sat down next to him.

“How are you doing?” he asked, taking Caleb’s hand.

“Better.” Caleb sighed. “I think….when we are done here, I want to just go home and take a long nap.”

“Jester wants you to tell her about laws about sending classified documents to newspapers.” Molly said.

“Are we doing a heist?” Nott asked, leaning around Caleb to look at Molly. Her eyes were gleaming with mischievous glee. 

“That’s the plan.” Molly said. “Well, first Caduceus is going to call up the military.”

“He’s good at that.” Not said, nodding in approval. “Talking to people.”

“I don’t like that.” Caleb muttered. “He will find out who we are, and he will stop us. He will be ruthless.” His eyes had taken on the wild fear that had been in them before he had started telling them about his past. Molly thought about the scars on Caleb’s arms, and about the way Ryllae and Bryce had talked about Ikithon. A tiny sense of foreboding crept into the back of his mind. This plan was crazy. He knew that. They could be arrested. They would probably be arrested, if they didn’t get the information to the newspapers, if the newspapers refused to publish, if any tiny thing went wrong. They could lose  _ everything _ . He didn’t know for certain, but he had an idea that if they lost the benefits that came with being a retired soldier, most of his friends would have a hard time getting by. Caleb certainly relied on the disability benefits, and Molly guessed that Fjord was making use of the military’s support for veterans who went back to school to pay his way through university. They would be risking so much.

“You don’t have to be part of it.” he said. “I know...I know it’s asking a lot. It’s asking everything.”

“It’s for you.” Nott said. “It’s for Caleb. It’s for  _ revenge _ . I’m in.” 

“Nott, what if you get caught? You could get arrested. For  _ treason. _ ” Caleb said, twisting his sweater sleeves around his hands. “I...they...when I was working under Ikithon, we...we dealt with people who had done far less than what Molly is proposing. We killed them.”

“We’re the Best Detective Agency.” Nott said stubbornly. “We can do it. I want to get that man back for everything. And anyway, they trained us themselves to be sneaky in enemy territory.” Caleb rocked the swing back and forth, drumming on his knees. 

“I do not like it.” he said. “It’s too dangerous.” The door opened and Jester marched onto the porch, the others trailing behind her.

“ _ Jester _ , this is not the best time.” Molly sighed. Jester flopped down on the porch in front of them and surveyed the scene. 

“Did you tell him about it?” she asked.

“Yes, and I don’t like it.” Caleb said, staring at her. “I know what they do to traitors. I know too well. You don’t want to play with this.”

“If we plan really really well it’ll work out.” Jester said confidently. 

“Anything can go wrong!” Caleb exclaimed. “Everything can go wrong! It’s like...it’s like playing with fire.”

“Jester, I think Caleb might be right.” Fjord said quietly. “This isn’t a very good plan. There’s too much that can go sour.” 

“We need to do this. For Molly.” Jester said stubbornly. “Molly likes this plan,  _ right, Molly _ ?”

“I don’t know.” Molly said. “You heard what Ryllae said. He’s slippery. Men like that always are. Bryce and I were lucky we managed to stop the exclusion laws. If there wasn’t so much public support for our cause, I don’t think we would have gotten past the door of the legislature.” 

“Yeah, but I have  _ connections. _ ” Jester said. “Beau has connections through the Cobalt Soul.”

“ _ Shhhh! That's a secret, Jester!”  _ Beau hissed. 

“Oh, come  _ on _ , Beau, they all knew you’re–” Jester continued, but Beau grabbed her and covered her mouth.

“ _ Anyway _ ,” Fjord said. “We should probably not do this. But, if we do decide to, we need to plan as thoroughly as possible.”

“He will find us. He will know.” Caleb muttered. Molly put a hand on his thigh and patted it. Caleb leaned into him, mumbling anxiously in Zemnian. 

“I think we can do it.” Yasha said thoughtfully. 

“You probably have secret Xhorasian spy skills.” Nott said. “You should teach them to us and then we’ll be unstoppable!”

“I am not a Xhorasian spy, Nott.” Yasha said tiredly. “But, we do have a lot of skills. Caduceus can get people to trust him really easily. Fjord knows weird navy things. Jester has a lot of crime-related skills, and so does Nott. Molly and I have circus training, and Molly has his street...smarts.”

“STREET SMARTS!” Jester, Beau, and Nott all yelled in perfect unison. Yasha sighed. 

“You know you shouldn’t do that, Yasha.” Molly told her. He would have joined them if he hadn’t been providing emotional support for Caleb.

“I know.” she said. “Like I was saying, we all have skills. And we were all in the army...mostly. We can pull this off.” 

“He is powerful.” Caleb said. “You don’t understand. He will find us. He will stop us. We will not be safe from him.”

“Why do you know so much about this guy, Caleb?” Jester asked. “Is this from your  _ secret past _ ?”

“I know him.” Caleb said shortly. 

“Let’s sleep on it.” Molly said. “We can talk tomorrow. I’m going to go back to the apartment and take a break. It’s been a crazy 24 hours.” Caleb gave him a grateful look. They retrieved Caleb’s cane from the dark corner it had rolled into and, after saying goodbye to Bryce, piled back into Fjord’s van and drove back into the city. Caleb leaned his head against Molly’s shoulder and didn’t say anything for the entire ride. When they reached the apartment building, Caleb marched as fast as he could into the elevator ahead of everyone else and went up alone.

“Is he all right?” Jester asked quietly. “Is it...is it because of me?”

“Caleb’s had a hard afternoon.” Molly said gently. “Anxiety doesn't always make sense. You know that.” Jester nodded, but she still looked sad. 

“I’m coming up with you.” Yasha said, appearing next to Molly’s elbow. “I don’t think Caleb will mind.”

“No, he won’t.” Nott said. She looked incredibly worried about Caleb. “He trusts you. Especially since...after...you know.” They were silent as the elevator slowly counted down to their level, and continued up the floors in silence. 

“See you guys later.” Fjord said as everyone but he and Caduceus exited the elevator. “Dinner at our place?”

“We’ll see.” Nott said. “If Caleb…”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Fjord said. “Bye.” Molly stared walking down the hall towards the apartment. The anxiety that had been curling in the depths of his stomach was crawling its way up into the rest of his body, and his hands were shaking. He shoved them into his pockets, but his tail kept lashing anxiously against his ankles. Caleb had disappeared into the bedroom when he entered. Molly stood in the center of the living room, drumming on his thighs, trying to come to a decision. His body made it for him by shoving a wave of dizziness at him, and he made his shaky way over to the couch and sat, staring blankly at the coffee table and trying to force himself to calm down. He barely noticed the door opening and Yasha sitting down next to him. His ears were ringing, and his eyes were filled with static.

“Molly?” Molly looked up in the direction of the words and did his best to look like he was staring at Yasha. “Are you all right?”

“I’ll be OK. Just a bit of anxiety.” he said, his voice coming at him through a tunnel. Gods, he hated himself for lying to her, but he was so practiced at lying about things like this that it slipped off of his tongue. He sucked in a couple of breaths and his vision cleared. He smiled at Yasha, who was watching him with a worried expression on her face. “All better.” he said. 

“I hope Caleb is OK.” Yasha said. “If he...I think...If he really thinks this heist is a bad idea…” Molly rubbed his hands over his jeans, his tail twitching anxiously. “I think we can do it.” Yasha continued. “But...Bryce and Caleb know things. I trust them. They didn’t seem too happy about the idea of us going after this man. But I want to go after him. He kept you from me. From Caleb. From us.”

“I don’t want you getting hurt on my behalf.” Molly said to the neat stack of books on the coffee table. 

“You know you can’t stop me.” Yasha said, a smile tinging her voice. Molly smiled faintly. There had been so many times when they were with the circus that Yasha had almost gotten into fights for him, back when he had still been nonverbal and skittish. It was a miracle they hadn’t been thrown out of half of the towns they had gone through. Most of the scenarios had involved a racist person trying to incite Molly, and Yasha stepping in between them and almost punching them. 

“I know.” Molly signed. The sign wasn’t well-executed–his hands were too shaky for good signing–but he managed to convey his words. He leaned into Yasha and tucked his head against her chest. She wrapped her arm around him and rubbed his shoulder. They stayed like that until Nott came into the room and sat on the couch next to Molly.

“He’s asleep.” she said. 

“That’s good.” Molly said, straightening up just a bit. “Panic attacks take a lot out of a person.” Nott nodded and tucked her legs underneath her. 

“What do you think we should do, Molly?” she asked. “Should we try to steal proof that Ikithon purposefully ignored the calls from the Shepherds? Should we figure something else out?” Molly sighed. 

“I don’t know.” he said. “I want to expose him. He’s done so much to hurt people, but...Bryce and Caleb are right. He’s dangerous. He’s got a lot of power. I’ve been lucky, going up against him in the past, but this is something different. This is seven former soldiers without any power and one civilian mortician going against the guy who controls probably everything in the army. How the hell are we supposed to go against that?” The anxiety started crawling up his throat again, and his tail lashed against the couch. 

“We’ll figure it out.” Yasha said. “I think we should try, at least.” Molly tucked his hands under his thighs and stared at the floorboards.

“I don’t know if we should do even that.” he said quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary of plot-important triggering stuff:  
> Everything in Caleb's backstory is the same, just in a modern context. Ikithon works for the government and the Soltryce Academy program is training government agents in the same way as in canon. 
> 
> My dream TV show is Bryce and Molly as a nonbinary power duo physically fighting racist and homophobic and transphobic people


	6. Anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning  
> Caleb-typical nightmares: beginning to “Caleb? Are you all right?”  
> Panic attack: "The man he had run into smiled at him, but Molly wasn’t seeing him." to "Molly shook his head, tucking his face closer to Caleb’s neck."  
> Disassociation/molly-backstory-typical flashbacks: "The activity gave Molly something to distract him from the creeping anxiety was still lurking at the back of his mind." to “Molly? Liebling, come back to me, now.”
> 
> I thought I wasn't going to post today but then I had a lot of extra time before going to the airport so you get some early morning fic! Disclaimer: I have listened to all of one episode of campaign 1 so I have no idea how Gilmore sounds, any and all mistakes are my own. Also I'm posting this on a phone so keep that in mind, all mistakes are because of that probably.
> 
> Many thanks to Artie and Beth for betaing and judging me for putting Tary in all my fics! 
> 
> Come yell at me @jimisnotagirl on tumblr! It's a magical land of memes and fanart (mostly fanart)

Caleb dreamed. 

It was a farmilier dream, one he had dreamed over and over again so many times since losing Molly. He was standing beside Glory Run Road in his fatigues. It was empty, the scraggly grass rustling in a faint breeze and the hills rising up against a blood-red sky. There was a crack, and the Iron Shepherd’s trucks were there, driving towards him. He couldn’t run. His boots were stuck in the dirt. The trucks hurtled closer, closer,  _ closer _ …

He was behind the trucks now, and Molly was in front of him. It was Molly as he had been before the ambush, his dark purple hair cut close to his head and his jacket tied around his waist. Lorenzo was there, his bald head gleaming in the strange light of the sun. He raised his gun and pointed it at Molly’s chest. Molly didn’t move. Caleb started to run, but the dirt clung to his boots. He couldn’t reach Molly in time. Ikithon was going to shoot him. Where had Lorenzo gone? It was Ikithon in his neat business suit standing there, a gun pointed at Molly’s chest. There was a crack, and…

He was standing in his childhood home, and it was burning. He could hear his parents screaming, but he was trapped in his room. The flames crept up the walls, moved across the floor towards him, curled around his jeans and consumed him. He was standing on the top of the stairs, and Molly was at the bottom of the stairs, and the fire was eating him. Molly was burning, but the screams were still Caleb’s parents. Molly’s skin blackened and peeled away and his skull fell to the ground and now Caleb was screaming. The flames consumed him as he screamed and screamed and…

A jolt of pain woke him up. He was tangled in the sheets, lying on his bad side, and there was sweat soaking through his shirt. He sat up, sucking in huge gulps of air. His leg burned, and he tried to steady his breathing. He was alone in the bedroom. The cat clock Nott had given him for his birthday years ago told him it was one in the morning. Where was Molly? Residual panic from the dream started to curl around his chest.

“Mollymauk?” he whispered into the darkness, clutching at the sheets, trying to breath. “Molly? Molly!” Oh  _ gods _ , the past two days had been one surreal dream, he had been in a dream within a dream, everything was back to normal and he was going to wake up and find that it was still the same day and Molly was still dead and…

“Caleb? Are you all right?” The door opened and Molly appeared, outlined by the faint glow of a lamp in the living room. He came into the room and crawled across the bed to sit next to Caleb. Caleb let out a shaky breath and fell against him. Molly wrapped his arms around him and held him as tight as possible.

“Why are you still awake?” Caleb asked when he had calmed down. “It’s late.”

“I couldn’t sleep.” Molly said quietly. “Bad brain.” He kissed Caleb on the top of his head, and it was so  _ normal  _ that Caleb wanted to cry. They had been here so many times before, Molly holding him after a nightmare.

_ It was their first night in the barracks outside of Hupperdook, and Caleb was having his usual nightmare: watching his parents burn while standing stuck to the floor of his bedroom. As the flames consumed him, as he screamed and burned, someone shook him awake. He sat up, clutching the sheets, staring wildly into the darkness and into Molly’s faintly glowing red eyes.  _

__ _ “Mollymauk.” he whispered shakily. “What are you doing?” _

__ _ “You were having a nightmare.” Molly said, sitting cross-legged on the bed next to him. “It sounded bad.” Caleb eyed him. “I just wanted to make sure you were OK.” Molly said, shrugging. “I know how nightmares can be.” Caleb looked down at his trembling hands, a blush creeping up his neck. Molly reached over and rubbed his shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.  _

__ _ “No.” Caleb said quietly. He unconsciously leaned into Molly’s touch, letting him wrap an arm around his shoulders. He fell asleep with his head on Molly’s shoulder, and woke up with Molly curled up next to him. From then on, every night Caleb woke up screaming, Molly sat up with him until he calmed down enough to go back to sleep.  _

__ “I missed this.” Caleb whispered, his hand finding Molly’s and curling around it. “Nott is good for nightmares, but...I missed you.” Molly was quiet for a long time. There was a  _ whumph _ as Frumpkin jumped onto the bed and pushed his way into both of their laps at once, meowing insistently. “ _ Hallo _ , Frumpkin.” Caleb said, laughing as the cat shoved his face up into Molly’s crop top. “You are good for nightmares, too.” 

“Were you dreaming about....him?” Molly asked, running his free hand over Frumpkin’s back. “The...the man who…”

“Only a little bit.” Caleb said. “He is always there. Always.” Molly kissed him on the forehead, and Caleb snuggled closer to him. His leg was still throbbing, but he ignored it. Frumpkin gave up on Molly’s shirt and stretched out across both of their legs, purring like a motorcycle engine. Slowly, gradually, he drifted back into sleep. 

He woke up to Frumpkin sitting right in front of his face, his paws tucked neatly under his body and a content expression on his face. Molly was next to him, his hair falling all over his face and his tail draped over Caleb’s legs. He was frowning slightly, and as Caleb lay there watching him, he grumbled in Infernal and rolled over. Frumpkin stretched, shoving a paw into Caleb’s face, and padded down the bed to claim the spot that Molly had left opened. 

“ _ Schatz,  _ that is not a good place to be.” Caleb said, reaching down to scratch Frumpkin behind the ears. “Molly will roll on top of you.” Frumpkin made a small  _ mrp _ and remained where he was. Caleb sighed and rubbed the cat’s back. Molly mumbled something again and rolled onto his back. His eyes flickered open and he turned to blink blearily at Caleb.

“ _ Guten Morgen, Liebling. _ ” Caleb said, curving awkwardly around Frumpkin to kiss Molly. Molly smiled and returned the kiss, his hand moving to tangle in Caleb's hair.

“Morning, my dearest Caleb.” he murmured. “Did you sleep well?”

“Better than usual.” Caleb replied. After he had gone back to sleep, he had only had a handful of disturbing dreams. “When did you get to sleep?”

“Oh, I don't know.” Molly said. “I laid down to pet Frumpkin and next thing I knew, it was now.” 

“He does that.” Caleb said, smiling. They both looked down at the cat, who was eyeing them through half-closed eyes. Molly scratched him behind the ears and he purred enthusiastically. “Nott is probably awake and making breakfast.” Caleb said, sitting up and stretching. Frumpkin immediately wandered over to sit on his lap and started purring again.

“Cats are so needy.” Molly commented, contorting his body so that he could pet Frumpkin. 

“ _ Ja.”  _ Caleb sighed. “I was  _ going  _ to go change and eat.” he said to the cat. “But no, petting you is more important.” Frumpkin purred and seemed to smile with pleasure. Eventually, he plodded off of Caleb’s lap to sit next to Molly, allowing Caleb to get up and hobble across the short distance to his dresser. He retrieved a pair of jeans and returning to the bed to complete his morning ritual of putting pants on without standing up. When he had changed into a clean set of clothes, he returned to the nest of blankets that had developed on the bed. Molly was lying flat on his back, and Frumpkin had taken residence on his chest. Caleb lay down next to him and scratched the cat behind the ears. 

“Out of bed! It’s breakfast time!” Nott shouted, throwing the bedroom door open. Molly sat up, dumping Frumpkin onto the bed.

“I am  _ ready. _ ” he declared. Caleb smiled and picked his cane up. He was hungry. Molly linked his arm through Caleb’s and they followed Nott into the dining room. As soon as Caleb sat down, Nott threw a plate piled with French toast down in front of him.

“Don’t forget, you have work today.” she said, taking her seat and beginning to dig into her own stack of bread. Caleb paused with his fork halfway to his mouth.

“ _ Scheiße _ .” he grumbled. “I forgot. I was...I’ve had a lot on my mind.” Molly wound his tail around Caleb’s ankle and tickled him coquettishly. “Molly, you won’t want to come with me, will you? It won’t be very exciting.”

“Oh, I don’t mind.” Molly said. “I can find a book to read.”

“You hate reading.” Nott pointed out.

“I don’t  _ hate _ reading.” Molly said. “I just…”

“I have audiobooks on my phone,  _ Liebling _ .” Caleb said through a mouthful of bread. “And we might have graphic novels without words.” 

“But then I can’t talk to you.” Molly sighed, pouting at him. Caleb blushed and smiled sappily at him.

“You two are so  _ gross _ .” Nott said. “It’s worse than the  _ Tusk Love  _ people because I have to live with it.”

“It’s only been two days, Nott, you’ll get used to it.” Molly assured her. 

“It’s only been two days, it’s bound to get worse.” Nott pointed out, gesturing with her fork. Frumpkin hopped up onto the table and tried to lick at the syrup on Caleb’s plate.

“ _ Nein, Katze, Das ist meins.” _ Caleb grumbled, lifting Frumpkin off of the table and nudging him with his foot. “Go eat your own food.” Frumpkin leapt up into his lap and began to purr. Caleb sighed and rubbed him on the head. “Yes, you are very cute, but I need to eat.” he said. Nott came over and picked Frumpkin up.

“You’re the worst asshole of all of us.” she said to the cat, dumping him unceremoniously on top of the cat tree. “Now,  _ stay there _ .” Frumpkin began to wash his face. Caleb scraped the excess syrup off of his plate, licked his fork thoroughly, and limped off to the bathroom to take a bath. He was rinsing the conditioner out of his hair when Molly came in to brush his teeth. He had changed into a baggy rainbow striped button-up short sleeved shirt and cuffed skinny jeans. 

“That’s something I need to get.” he said, his words garbled by the toothbrush. “Bath bombs.”

“We can go to Gilmore’s after my shift is over.” Caleb said. He pulled the drain out, vaulted himself up onto the edge of the tub, and tugged his towel down from the rack. “Don’t use too many at once, though.” Molly looked up from the faucet, which he was drinking from, and grinned.

“That was fun, wasn’t it?” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and wandering over to sit on the toilet, moving Caleb’s clothes to his lap. “I thought for sure Beau was going to throw me out of the window.” Caleb rubbed the towel over his legs and shook his head at the tiefling.

“You are ridiculous.” he said. Molly grinned and nudged Caleb with his tail.

“That’s why you love me, right?” he asked. Caleb smiled up at him.

“ _ Ja _ , you have caught me.” he said. Molly moved to sit on the damp edge of the tub beside Caleb and kissed him on the cheek.

“And I love you because you’ll let me buy as many bath bombs and bubble bath containers as I like.” he said. Caleb frowned at him.

“This is bribery.” he said. Molly kissed him on the lips, and Caleb shoved him. “I will  _ not _ let you buy bubble bath.” he said, the corners of his mouth twitching. Molly made puppy eyes at him and leaned in to kiss him on the nose. Caleb couldn’t keep himself from smiling anymore, and Molly grinned in triumph.

“I can buy as much bubble bath as I can afford?” he asked. 

“One bubble bath.” Caleb said, and Molly groaned in mock pain. He probably would have flopped backwards in a feigned death if they had not been sitting on the edge of a bathtub. 

“Two?  _ Please _ ?” he asked. Caleb shook his head, straining to keep a straight face. Molly leaned in and kissed him on the lips again. “Does that change your mind?” he asked. Caleb frowned as best he could while being on the verge of laughter. “What about this?” Molly scooted closer to him and kissed him on the cheek. “This?” Kiss on the shoulder. “ _ This _ ?” A long, sultry kiss on the neck.

“Oh my  _ gods _ , you’re so weird.” Nott grumbled, coming into the bathroom at that very moment. “I don’t need to see this.” 

“You can have as many bubble baths as you like as long as you don’t fill the bathroom with bubbles like last time.” Caleb told Molly, patting him on the knee. He started putting his pants on, and Molly skipped off to do something. 

“You’re such a softie, caving in to his demands like that.” Nott said, shaking her head. 

“He is very persuasive.” Caleb said, shrugging. Nott rolled her eyes and left the bathroom. As she left, Caleb smiled to himself. Everything was falling back into place. Or was it? 

_ Things won’t stay good for long. They never do _ . the little voice in the back of his head snarled.  _ You don’t deserve nice things like this. _ Caleb pushed himself up on the wall and paused at the mirror. 

“Maybe I do deserve nice things.” he said to his reflection. The reflection stared back at him with its tired blue eyes, saying nothing. “You’re right.” Caleb said. “We should not think about that right now.” He grabbed his cane from the corner and went to the bedroom to get his bag. Molly was sitting on the bed petting Frumpkin. “Jester will be here soon to pick us up.” Caleb said, sitting down next to him and giving the cat a good scratch at the base of his tail. “She is always exactly on time.”

“I’m impressed.” Molly said. “Jester’s never on time for things. She’s less on time than I am, sometimes. How we survived so long in the army, I’ll never know.” There was a loud knocking on the front door, so loud that they could hear it clearly.

“Jester’s here!” Nott yelled unnecessarily. Molly and Caleb extracted them from the clutches of Frumpkin and left the bedroom.

“Good morning!!” Jester said cheerfully, giving Molly a huge, rib-crushing hug. “The Jestermobile has arrived!”

“I’ll see you when I get home, Nöttchen.” Caleb said. Nott wrinkled her nose at him. “Do you want anything from Gilmore’s?”

“Hair clips, if they’ve got any.” Nott said, shrugging. Caleb smiled, ruffled her hair, and followed the tieflings out the door. 

 

\------

 

So many things about Molly’s friends had changed, but Jester’s car had not. It was the same hot pink Maserati, complete with ‘TRAVLR ROX’ vanity plates. Caduceus standing next to it, his hair clashing awfully with the car. 

“Good morning.” he said cheerfully. “It’s a beautiful day.” It was cloudy and looked like it was going to rain. Molly raised an eyebrow at him, but he just smiled benignly.

“I missed this monstrosity.” Molly said affectionately, patting the car on the hood. “Your mom is the best for buying you this.”

“My mom is the best.” Jester said, getting into the driver’s seat. The others climbed into the car. “It’s in the song! ‘The Ruby of the Sea is the best laaaaay everrrrrr.’” Caleb made a face and buried his face in his scarf.

“It’s so cool that your mom has a song about her.” Caduceus said. 

“I know, right?” Jester said, throwing the car into reverse and screeching out of the parking spot. Jester’s driving ability had also not changed, Molly reflected, clinging to the back of the seat. 

“Why do you let Jester drive you to work?” he whispered to Caleb. Caleb shrugged.

“It’s on the way, and Fjord has an 8:00.” he said. “Also, Cad drives half of the time, and he is much better at driving.”

“I heard that!” Jester yelled, slamming on the brake and throwing all of them forward in their seats. “I am not bad at driving!”

“Tell that to the three speeding tickets you got on the road trip we took to visit your mom.” Caleb muttered into his scarf.

“Shut up, Caleb, you can’t even drive!” Jester yelled, hurtling around a corner and barely missing a biker.

“I have  _ anxiety _ !” Caleb protested. “And I can’t exactly hit the pedals with my leg!” Jester shook her head at him, her horn jewelry jangling. 

“You got to meet Jester’s mom?” Molly asked. “I’m jealous.”

“She is...a lot.” Caleb said. 

“She’s the  _ best _ !” Jester shouted, zooming through a yellow light.

“Driving with Jester helps me work on my breathing exercises.” Caduceus said. “It’s very calming. I’ll teach you sometime, Molly.”

“They do not help me.” Caleb said, his face pressed against the seat in front of him. “I have no breath. I am not in this car. I am in a happy place. There are flowers and sunshine and no cars.” Molly rubbed his shoulder comfortingly. Jester swung the car into park in front of the library.

“Thanks, Jester.” Molly said as Caleb scrambled out of the car. “See you later.” Jester waved and pulled the car out into the traffic, the tires screeching. “I missed the car, and I missed Jester, but I did not miss Jester driving the car.” Molly commented, taking Caleb’s free hand. When they entered the library, Molly was hit with the smell of books. 

“Good morning, Caleb.” the man at the front information desk said. He was a blond elf with a name tag that read, ‘Xenoth’. Molly thought he recognized him as one of the black belts from Beau’s kung fu school. “Who’s your friend?”

“Mollymauk Tealeaf.” Molly said, extending a hand. “The pleasure is mine.” One of Xenoth’s pale eyebrows arced up.

“Mollymauk Tealeaf.” he repeated. “I thought you were dead. Beau said you were dead.” Molly shrugged. Caleb had slipped away and disappeared among the shelves. 

“I came back.” he said. “Couldn’t stay away.” Xenoth regarded him with an air of suspicion.

“Interesting.” he said. “Why are you here, exactly? In the library.” 

“I didn’t have anything better to do.” Molly said casually. “Is there a law about tieflings in libraries now?”

“No.” Xenoth said shortly. “Don’t do anything crazy. I know your type.” He gave Molly’s tattoo a  _ look _ . Molly glared at him and walked off to find Caleb, his tail waving a rude sign through the air. Caleb was at his desk, sorting through a stack of books. Molly grabbed a chair from one of the reading tables nearby and pulled it over to sit next to Caleb.

“There’s a lot of books we need to check in.” Caleb said, frowning at the cover of a picture book. “Since when is  _ Taryon Darrington _ a children’s book?”

“Adapted by Lawrence Darrington.” Molly read slowly. For whatever reason, the brightly colored font the designers had chosen was easy for him to read. “That’s the incredibly attractive tutor he falls in love with at the beginning, isn’t it? And then they get married at the end and it’s the most beautiful wedding ever?”

“I guess that wasn’t fiction.” Caleb said, shrugging. “I didn’t realize Taryon Darrington was a real person. Did he write an entire fantasy movie about himself?”

“I guess so.” Molly said. “Go him. I wish I had the guts. Do you suppose that guy with the guns is real?”

“Taliesin Jaffe?” Caleb asked. “Gods, I hope so. He  _ is _ my favorite character.”

“I’m partial to Liam O’Brien myself.” Molly said.

“I know,  _ Schatz. _ You own a shirtless poster of him.” Caleb said, moving  _ Taryon Darrington _ to the side and beginning to check in the next book. “I didn’t know they sold those.” 

“I hope Fjord kept that.” Molly said wistfully. “I love a man with long hair.” Caleb’s neck flushed red, and Molly looped his tail around his ankle. 

“Here,  _ Schatz _ , can you put these back on the shelf?” Caleb asked, passing him a stack of children’s books. “Wait, one second.” He grabbed a pad of sticky notes and wrote out the numbers for all of the books in big, neat, block letters. 

“Danke!” Molly said cheerfully, planting a kiss on Caleb’s cheek. He skipped off to the children’s section and placed all of the books back where they belonged. It was not as hard as he had anticipated, as some kind soul had made the signs large and easy for small children and dyslexic tieflings to comprehend. The  _ Taryon Darrington  _ book went with a large collection of other books by Darringtons, and Molly got very distracted reading his slow way through all of them. Taryon Darrington himself had written a couple of books about building machines for children, and there were quite a few iterations in the  _ Daring Adventures of Ser Taryon Darrington _ series. Before long, Molly had spent at least an hour reading his way through the books. He finished the final book, which was almost as beautiful a depiction of the marriage of Taryon Darrington and Lawrence the handsome tutor as the movie version, and glanced up at the clock. He started and jumped up to return to Caleb. His boyfriend– _ Caleb was his boyfriend!– _ was absorbed in something on his computer.

“Did you have trouble finding things?” Caleb asked when Molly returned to his seat.

“Oh, no.” Molly said. “Did you know that there are more books in the  _ Taryon Darrington  _ series? They’re so  _ beautiful _ .” 

“Did they put that beach scene in?” Caleb wondered. “I am not sure that is very appropriate to show to children. They might get ideas.” 

“Oh, they put it in.” Molly said. “I took a picture of the way they drew Laura. Look at this.” He showed Caleb the drawing, and Caleb raised his eyebrows.

“Interesting.” he said. “I’d be concerned that if my children read that, they would start stealing their sibling’s clothes or…”

“Attacking them with bears?” Molly asked, grinning at Caleb. Caleb made a face at him. 

“I have more books for you to return.” he said, handing Molly a stack of thick research books. Molly wandered back into the stacks, his tail swishing. They fell into a rhythm, Caleb sorting out the books and Molly returning them to their shelves. He was grateful for the chance to help Caleb out and to have something to do. He didn’t even mind the tiny numbers with their weird fonts that he couldn’t read. Xenoth kept giving him suspicious looks when he walked past his desk, but Molly ignored him. He was so absorbed in finding the places for the books to go that he walked right into a patron.

“Whoops!” he said, deftly catching the one book that fell. “Pardon...me…” The man he had run into smiled at him, but Molly wasn’t seeing him. He was seeing a different buff, bald man who had looked just enough like this man to rip the memories back to the forefront of Molly’s mind. The man said something, but Molly couldn’t hear him. His ears were filling with static.

“ _ You’re a tenacious devil, you are.” Lorenzo said, running one thick finger over the curve of Molly’s horn. “First you just refused to die, now you’re biting my men? I respect that. I respect you, little devil. It’s why I’m keeping you alive.” Molly spat at him, and Lorenzo laughed. “We’ll break you, eventually, and that will be a sad day. But we need the information. We need it. You understand. _ ”

“Are you all right?” Molly blinked, and the man was still looking at him.  _ It’s not him, he just looks like him, this man is different, this man will not hurt you. _

“Yes.” he lied. “Thank you.” He clutched the stack of books to his chest and marched away as fast as he could without running. He needed to get away, he needed to get outside, he needed  _ Caleb _ . He sped through the shelves, barely seeing anything around him. He nearly collided with a bookshelf, hoping that no one was watching him, and barely dodged a book cart. 

“Mollymauk?” He had reached Caleb’s desk. He carefully placed the books on the desk, walked around the corner, and promptly collapsed onto the floor, his arms and tail wrapped tightly around himself. “Molly,  _ Schatz, Molly _ .” Caleb was on the floor next to him, his arms wrapped around him. Molly uncurled to crawl up against Caleb and bury his face in his shoulder. “ _ Shh, shh, Liebling _ , you’re safe, you’re safe, I’m here, breathe with me, it’s OK,  _ Schatz,  _ it’s OK.” Caleb was trying to breathe evenly, but his heart was pounding almost as fast as Molly’s was. They clung to each other, breathing as best they could until they were both breathing slowly, steadily, evenly. Caleb stroked Molly’s hair, his other hand rubbing firm circles on his back. “What happened?” he asked softly. Molly shook his head, tucking his face closer to Caleb’s neck. He didn’t want to talk about it. It would make it real. Caleb nodded and kissed him on the side of the head, lingering there for a moment. There was a ringing from the desk above them and Caleb sighed. “I have to take care of that.” he said. “I’m still going to be right here,  _ Liebling _ . I’m not leaving you.” He kissed Molly again and heaved himself up to take care of whoever needed his assistance.

_ You didn’t leave me, last time. _ Molly wanted to say. He had heard the implied “ _ Not again,”  _ in Caleb’s words. He tucked himself under the desk and leaned his head on his arms. Caleb was trying to convince a woman to actually pay her library fine. When he had finally chased her away, he returned to the floor next to Molly. 

“How are you doing?” he asked. “Do you want to go home?” Molly shook his head.

“I’m fine now.” he said. He was still shaky, but he would be fine. “I’m going to stay here for now.” Caleb nodded, leaned over to kiss him, and returned to his seat. The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Molly stayed under the desk; something about it made him feel safe. Caleb gave him his phone to listen to an audiobook. There was an eclectic range of books in Caleb’s library, and Molly spent the day enjoying the deep, smooth tones of the narrator of  _ The Queen’s Love _ , a mildly smutty historical romance about a queen and the beautiful chambermaid she fell in love with. The time passed quickly, and it seemed like no time at all before Caleb was gently nudging him with a foot.

“Time to go get bath supplies,  _ Schatz _ .” he said. Molly rolled out from under the desk, sprang to his feet, and passed the phone back to Caleb.

“I’m so ready for bath bombs!” he sang, grabbing his coat from the hook and shimmying into it. He was still shaky, still desperately holding his hands down on the mental box that held all his memories of Lorenzo, but he was calm enough to put up a façade of anxiety-free joy. “It’s a good thing Yasha never closed my bank accounts.”

“I don’t think any of us got rid of anything of yours.” Caleb said quietly, winding the strap of his cane around his fingers. 

“Fjord certainly didn't.” Molly commented. “He still has my tapestry, did you know? I’m glad he kept it. I love that thing.”

“Oh, I remember.” Caleb said, his face shifting into a smile. “You wore it to all of our apartments.” Molly linked his arm through Caleb’s as they began to walk out of the library. 

“The winter festival is soon, isn’t it?” Molly said. “We should go. Maybe Fjord can do better at throwing things.”

“He’s tried a few times.” Caleb said. “He hasn’t succeeded yet.” Molly shook his head in disappointment.

“Oh, Fjord.” he said. They stepped out onto the sidewalk and were hit with a blast of cold air. Caleb tucked his face deeper into his scarf, and Molly stole the end of it and wrapped around his own neck. Gilmore’s Glorious Goods was on the corner of the street. It was a large, colorful building that pulled passerbyers in with its eccentric window displays and delicious floral scents. A bright neon sign flashed the name of the store in lurid blue, and a unicorn pranced above the curvy letters. Looking at the words gave Molly a headache, as to his eyes they kept switching places and drifting off of the sign. When they walked in, a beaming half-orc woman in a black t-shirt with the logo emblazoned on it in glitter lettering greeted them with incredible enthusiasm. 

“I forgot how colorful this place is.” Caleb said with a bit of awe in his voice. “How do they put so much color in soap?”

“Magic, of course.” Molly said cheerfully. He dropped Caleb’s hand to skip over to a tub of bath bombs shaped like cats. “Look, this one looks like Frumpkin!”

“I don’t think I can deal with the trauma of watching you dissolving Frumpkin in water.” Caleb said, limping over to look at the soap. Molly put the bath bomb back and picked up a gray cat with blue eyes and a grumpy expression.

“This is for you.” he said, placing it in Caleb’s free hand. Caleb smiled at it and held it delicately, as if it were a precious jewel. 

“It’s perfect.” he said softly. “ _ Danke _ ,  _ Schatz. _ " Molly beamed at him and hurried over to a bin full of glittery bath bombs. He flitted across the store, gathering a collection of various bath items, until he was completely satisfied with his assortment. Caleb followed at his own pace, stopping for a few minutes to stick his hands in the bath salts. The activity gave Molly something to distract him from the creeping anxiety was still lurking at the back of his mind. If he thought about finding lavender scented bubble bath, he wouldn't think about Lorenzo, or Ikithon, or the face of the man he had shot,  _ his blood running down his face as he fell in terrible slow motion but Molly was running, he wasn't looking but he could see the blood pooling it was carved into his memory and he…. _

“Molly?  _ Liebling _ , come back to me, now.” Molly snapped back to reality and turned to stare at Caleb, who had a hand on his arm. “You left for a second there.” Caleb said softly, rubbing Molly's shoulder. “Do you want to go home?”

“Yeah.” Molly said shortly. The panic attack had taken more out of him than he had realized. “I’'ll go buy these and then...we can go.” Caleb slipped his hand into Molly's and they walked to the cash register. The owner of the store, Shaun Gilmore himself, was leaning against the counter talking to a halfling teenager. His long black hair was tied up in a ponytail, and he was wearing skinny jeans and a very loose, very shiny purple button-up shirt. He grinned when he saw them.

“Mollymauk Tealeaf!” he exclaimed, vaulting the counter to embrace them. “And Caleb Widogast! I haven’t seen you in  _ ages _ . How are you?”

“Never better.” Molly said, shoving a smile onto his face. “Just got back from Labenda. It’s been, what, a year since I was in Zadash?” 

“I missed you terribly.” Gilmore said. “You  _ are _ my best customer. I heard down the grapevine you were dead, but I assume that was just a rumor.”

“Oh, yeah. I was just...lost.” Molly said. “In the wilderness. But I’m back now.” Gilmore nodded sagely. 

“I see you two are an item at last.” he said, shooting a perceptive glance at the way Caleb and Molly were standing. “I’m glad you finally admitted your feelings. You’d better tell Jester to come my way. She owes me a  _ lot _ of money.” He waggled his eyebrows. 

“I’ll tell her for you.” Molly said, grinning. “How’s business? How are you?” Gilmore shrugged.

“Business is good.” he said. “Same old, same old. Personally?” He sighed and rubbed a hand over his goatee.  “One of my very close friends...died. Suddenly. It’s been...it’s been tough. But we’re coping. I’m coping.” He beamed, but his eyes were tired and filled with an almost imperceptible sadness. Molly had seen that expression before, in Caleb’s face. 

“I am sorry.” Caleb said, reaching over to rest a comforting hand on Gilmore’s shoulder. “It is hard, losing someone.” Gilmore put a hand over Caleb’s, his eyes glistening. 

“Thanks, Caleb.” he said. “I should get back to work. Stop by to visit more often! I miss you. And don’t forget, tell Jester to stop by!” He gave them both hugs. “Oh, and don’t worry about paying. I’ll cover it.” Caleb and Molly both tried to protest, but Gilmore waved a hand at them. “No, no, it’s on me! But you’ll have to pay me back by visiting more.”

“He is a good man.” Caleb said as they walked out of the store and down the sidewalk. 

“I wonder who died.” Molly said thoughtfully. “I’ve met some of his friends before, you know. They’re good people.” Caleb nodded and moved closer to Molly, squeezing his hand. They walked back to the apartment in contemplative silence.


	7. Phone Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning:  
> Molly-backstory typical flashback: "A year ago, he would have been in headfirst, but now…" to “Molly?” Yasha said, putting a hand on his leg."
> 
> Many thanks to Beth and Artie for all their editing work and feedback and support! And thanks to you, the reader, for reading. I love you!
> 
> Want more Tam content? Come shout at me @jimisnotagirl on tumblr!

The week passed by quickly. Molly came to work with Caleb a few more times, and the other times went to Yasha’s place to hang out with her. Things slowly settled into a normal routine. Every night, someone in the apartment woke up screaming, and Caleb or Molly or Nott or a combination would go to them. Usually it was Caleb, as Molly and Nott both had insomnia in addition to nightmares. Caduceus and Jester would pick Caleb and Molly up, and Caleb would be at work until lunchtime. When Molly was at Yasha’s, he would take Yasha’s car to pick Caleb up and they would go to Pumat’s or back home. It was so normal, and Caleb was happy. Mostly.

He knew Molly was avoiding talking about what had happened. The most he had gotten out of him was the revelations of the first night. Caleb knew how that felt. Caleb had been there. Molly didn’t want to talk about it because he was afraid talking about it would make it real. Caleb wanted to help him, wanted to tell him over and over again that he was safe now, that the ghost of the man he had shot couldn’t find him, that everything was  _ fine _ . He didn’t know how to bring it up without Molly closing himself off, or lashing out again. Figuring trauma out was hard, and sometimes you had to keep it bottled up to feel better. It wasn’t healthy, but it was how things were. Caleb knew that. 

In no time at all, it was Friday again, and that meant it was movie night. Caduceus had picked the movie, which meant they were watching  _ Violets in the Garden _ , an adaption of a Regency romance novel about an upper class woman trying to avoid marriage while being courted by various rich suitors. Beau complained about it, but Caleb knew for a fact that she, like the rest of the group, loved Caduceus’ romance movies. Jester, Nott, and Beau had an intense wrestling match for the part couch not taken up by Molly, Caleb, and Yasha, which Jester won by sheer energy. Nott wriggled her way into the tiny slice of cushion remaining. 

“You know, y’all could always figure out a more mature way to determine who gets the couch.” Fjord said. 

“Why would we do that?” Jester asked. “Wrestling is so much more fun.” 

“Yeah, you would say that because you always win.” Beau grumbled. “I’m a  _ 2nd degree black belt _ ! Why do you  _ always win _ ?” Jester smiled mysteriously. Molly reached over to steal an olive off of Caleb’s pizza and received a slap for his pains.

“There are my olives.” Caleb said, clutching the slice close to himself. “I earned them.”

“Please, Caleb? It’s been so long since I’ve eaten an olive. I’m starving.” Molly said, making big, sappy eyes at him.

“You are eating olives right now.” Caleb said, glaring at the stack of pizza on Molly’s plate. “These are  _ mine. _ ” He made direct eye contact and slowly ate the entire piece of pizza. 

“You’re a monster.” Molly wailed. Caleb smiled at him.

“Hey, Cad, have you called the army people yet?” Jester asked through a mouthful of what must have been half of a slice of pizza. 

“Not yet.” Caduceus said, delicately licking sauce from his fingers. “Should I do that now?” Jester shrugged. Caleb tensed and tried to hide it by grabbing a piece of garlic bread and becoming very interested in it. 

“Why not?” Jester said. “Bryce gave me a number, hold on.” She ran off to find her phone. Caleb took another piece of bread and shredded it into pieces over his plate. 

“Are you all right?” Nott asked him, watching him rip a piece of bread into smaller and smaller pieces. 

“ _ Ja. _ ” Caleb said, eating the bread in his hands and picking up a couple more. “I am fine.” Molly’s tail looped itself around Caleb’s calf and squeezed gently. Nott put her hand on his thigh.

“You’re shredding bread.” she said gently. “You’re not OK. Is it the army thing?” Caleb nodded and ate another handful of bread bits. “It’s just a call. No one will tie it to you. He won’t find you, Cay. You’re safe.” 

“I know.” Caleb whispered. Nott patted his leg and snuggled up against him. Jester came running back into the room and began to recite a phone number for Caduceus. Caleb finished his bread and put the plate as far away from himself as possible, so that he didn’t shred that, too. Molly was talking to Yasha about something, but his tail curled tighter around Caleb’s leg. Caleb laced his fingers through Molly’s. 

“Hello!” Caduceus said cheerfully into the phone. “I have a question about finding some information.” He waited, listening patiently, then said, “Oh, I was wondering who I would talk to about the status of a missing friend of mine.” More listening. “Thank you!” He moved the phone so that he wasn’t talking into it and said, “She’s connecting me with the right person. Yes, I’m here, hello.” he said into the phone, then after a few moments, “I was wondering if you had any information on the whereabouts of Mollymauk Tealeaf? He went missing about a year ago in combat and I was hoping you might have more information now.” He turned his head, listening, then said, “Is he? I never heard. Well...OK. Thank you.” He put the phone back into a pocket in his jeans. “They’re definitely trying to hide something. That man was really angry. I think it was the secretary for that man Rylla mentioned. Ikithon?” Caleb tightened his grip on Molly’s hand, trying to breathe evenly. 

“What did he  _ say _ ?” Jester asked, leaning forward and widening her eyes. 

“Oh, I asked about Molly and he said something along the lines of, ‘He’s dead. He’s not coming back. Don’t ask again.’” Caduceus said, his voice taking on a sharp tone as he quoted the man he had been speaking to. “He didn’t sound very happy about me asking.”

“That’s suspicious.” Nott said. “ _ Very _ suspicious.”

“Now that that’s done, we can watch the movie.” Molly said cheerfully, taking a piece of garlic bread and snuggling up to Caleb. 

“Yeah!!!” Jester cheered. Fjord retrieved the remote from next to the pizza boxes and started the movie. Caleb tried to focus on the plot, but his brain kept running through every scenario that could come from going after Ikithon. They could be arrested and lose everything. They could be court martialed. Ikithon could find him. Ikithon could try and pull him back into the program. Ikithon could kill him for what he knew. Ikithon could…

He was snapped out of his spiral by Molly wriggling into his lap, one of his horns digging into Caleb’s thigh. He blinked at the screen, startled, then smiled down at Molly and tangled his hands through the tiefling’s hair. Gods, he didn’t deserve Molly. The weight of Molly’s head on his lap helped him stay in the moment, and he managed to stay focused for the rest of the movie, at least until he fell asleep. 

He woke up in his bed, in his pajamas, with Frumpkin curled up on his chest. It was dark, and the alarm clock told him it was 4:38 am. It had been a long since he had slept for so long uninterrupted by nightmares. As he lay there, studying the fuzzy gray ceiling, the bed creaked and Molly’s outline crept across the faint moonlight leaking through the shades and out into the apartment proper. Caleb sat up, groped for his cane, and followed him. He found Molly perched on the window seat, staring down at the street. His tail was twitching anxiously, and he was signing to himself with shaking hands. Caleb sat down next to him and tucked his good leg under himself. Molly dropped his hands and moved over to tuck his head into Caleb’s shoulder. 

“Can you sit up with me?” he whispered. Caleb nodded and slipped an arm around Molly’s waist. Molly was trembling all over.

“ _ Liebling _ ,” Caleb began, then stopped. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say. He rubbed his thumb up and down one patch of Molly’s thigh. “Are you all right?” he said finally. Molly didn’t say anything, and Caleb kissed him on the top of the head. 

“I’m fine now.” Molly said finally. “We can...you can…let’s go back to bed.” He stood up and wandered back to the bedroom. Caleb watched him go, his tail still twitching anxiously. He worried the edge of his boxers, thinking. He wasn’t used to Molly hiding things. He had spent so much time logicing his way through it over the week, but it had finally hit him how strange, how  _ wrong _ this felt. He had known practically everything there was to know about Molly within a month of knowing him. Molly had only been himself for two years at that point, but Caleb felt that even if Molly hadn’t lost all his memories in a car accident, he would have still told them everything. This...this was not like Molly. Caleb had known that, deep down, but part of him hadn’t wanted to bring it up, had wanted to keep things normal. He was so afraid of things falling apart again. 

“You are being stupid, Widogast.” he said into the darkness. He would talk to Molly. He stood up and returned to the bedroom. At some point during the night, Nott had curled up at the foot of the bed, and he carefully navigated her to snuggled up against Molly. 

 

\------

 

“How are you, Molly?” Caduceus asked. They were in Yasha’s apartment, drinking one of Caduceus’ many homemade teas and sitting on the couch waiting for Yasha to finish putting cookies in the oven. The scent of baking filled the room, and Molly snuggled deeper into the corner of the couch he had claimed. He was wearing one of Caleb’s cardigans, the soft gray wool swallowing him up in its cozy embrace.

“Oh, I’m doing great.” he said. “All the better for this tea.” He sipped the steaming drink and smacked his lips appreciatively. “Dead people know how to grow flowers.”

“They do.” Caduceus agreed. He had a day off for whatever reason and had chosen to spend it hanging out with Molly and Yasha. “Are you really doing great, though? You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping.”

“Who sleeps anymore?” Molly joked. Caduceus looked serious, and Molly sighed. “No, I haven’t been. I haven’t slept in a while.” he admitted. “I’ll be fine, though. I just need to, I don’t know, get settled in.”

“What you need is therapy.” Yasha said bluntly, sitting down on the couch next to him and placing a platter of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies on the table that held the TV remotes. 

“Therapy’s expensive.” Molly said. 

“Ask Caleb about the free clinic at the hospital.” Caduceus said. “It’s staffed by graduate students, but they’re good graduate students.” Molly took a drink of tea and frowned down into the mug.

“I’ll ask him.” he said. He didn't want to say what he was really thinking; he was afraid that if he admitted that he was struggling, that he was still terrified Lorenzo was about to come around the corner and take him back, that he kept seeing the face of the man he had shot drifting through his mind, leering at him while blood poured down his face, then it would make it all real. He wanted to shove it behind him, to ignore it. He had to move on. How was he supposed to move on if he talked about it? It was stupid, he knew, but it was helping him. It  _ was _ helping him. Wasn’t it? 

“Good.” Yasha said, taking one of her cookies. “Therapy helped Caleb. It helped all of us, but…” She shrugged. 

“Caleb was not doing very well at all.” Caduceus said simply. “Jester says he’s closer to how he was before you were killed. Or, not killed. Lost. He was in a dark place when I first met him.” He didn’t say anything else, just sipped his tea and stared vaguely into the distance. Molly took a cookie and ate it slowly, savoring every bite and ignoring the heat of the melted chocolate. The sky was gray outside, promising flurries of snow, or at least a couple of flakes. It had snowed the week before Molly had been taken, and while it had melted quickly, they had managed to get in a few days of playing in the snow. Keg had pushed every single member of their platoon into the snowbanks, and had continued to until Jester and Yasha had shoved her into a deep bank. He smiled, remembering. 

“The winter festival is coming up.” Yasha said. “We should all go.”

“Of course we’re going to go.” Molly said. “That shouldn’t even be a question. Cad, have you been to the winter festival? You haven’t lived here for very long, have you?”

“I moved here in...February.” Caduceus said, counting the months under his breath. “Yeah, February. I haven’t been to the winter festival, but I did go to the Harvest Close Festival with Jester and Fjord.”

“Just Jester and Fjord?” Molly asked. 

“I was hiking, Caleb was...having a bad depressive episode, and Nott and Beau stayed to look after him.” Yasha explained. Molly took a drink of his tea, twisting his tail around his ankle. He knew it was silly, but he always felt guilty when someone mentioned the things Caleb had been through while he had been away. A tiny part of him felt that he should have been there for him. It was his fault he hadn’t been there. If he had just done one thing differently, he could have avoided everything. It was all his fault. 

“There are  _ ice statues _ ?!” Caduceus exclaimed, snapping Molly back into the conversation. “That’s so cool!!”

“They’re really cool.” Yasha said. “Beau dared Molly to kiss one at the last winter’s festival we were at. Remember, Molly?”

“I can never forget.” Molly sighed. “Now that was embarrassing. This year, I’m going to get her back for that. I don’t know how yet, but I will.”

“I’ll help you.” Yasha promised. “Nott will help, too, I’m sure.”

“I’ll ask Jester, too. She always has the best prank ideas.” Molly said. “Caleb won’t want to help...neither will Fjord. Caduceus, what about you?” 

“I will stand by as an impartial party.” Caduceus said. There was a quiet buzzing noise from inside the couch, and Caduceus began rifling through the couch cushions. “I always lose my phone in your couch, Yasha.” he said, pulling it out from the gap and frowning at the number. “Hmm, I don’t recognize this. I wonder who it is.” He tapped on the answer button and put his phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“Does he always answer unknown numbers?” Molly whispered to Yasha. 

“Probably.” Yasha said. “He’s that kind of person.” 

“I love him.” Molly said. “He’s perfect. I’m going to have to break up with Caleb; Caduceus is the only man for me.”

“Don’t lie to me like that.” Yasha said. “I can see right through you.” Molly made a mischievous face at her over his mug, and she shook her head at him. 

“Well, that was interesting.” Caduceus said, tucking his phone into the pouch of his sweatshirt. “It was the army again. They want to meet with me.”

“Don’t.” Yasha said. “I don’t trust them.”

“Neither do I.” Molly said. “Not after what they’ve done.”  _ Not after what they did to Caleb _ . “They probably just want to threaten you into not talking. It’s the sort of thing people always do in action movies.”   
“This isn’t an action movie, this is real life.” Caduceus said thoughtfully. 

“It feels a lot like a movie right now.” Molly said. “Everything’s just so surreal. Do things like this happen to real people?”

“I don’t know.” Yasha said. 

“Molly, do you know what kind of history Caleb has with that Ikithon man?” Caduceus asked abruptly. “He looks so afraid everytime we bring it up.” Molly slowly drank the rest of his tea, trying to gather his thoughts. He didn’t want to keep lying to his friends, but Caleb had entrusted this secret to him. 

“He has a history.” he said finally. “You should ask him. It’s not my place to tell you. That’s for Caleb to decide.” Caduceus nodded.

“I don’t want him to be uncomfortable with our investigations.” he said. 

“Is it an investigation now?” Molly asked.

“Jester wants it to be.” Yasha said. “I want it to be, too. We need to get this man back for what he’s done.” Molly stuffed another cookie into his mouth to avoid saying something. He agreed with Yasha, but he was still conflicted about what he wanted to do. This was dangerous territory. A year ago, he would have been in headfirst, but now…he had seen what powerful men could do. He had seen the look in Caleb’s eyes when they had mentioned Ikithon. The image of that faded away and was replaced by the memory of the feeling of Lorenzo hand on his chin, Lorenzo’s breath on his face, Lorenzo’s  _ leering face as he loomed over Molly, his back hurt so much and there was blood slicked across his chest and he wanted to run but he was tied down he needed to get out everything hurt there was blood everywhere... _

__ “Molly?” Yasha said, putting a hand on his leg. Molly started, nearly dropping the mug in his hand. 

“I’m here, I’m fine, it’s OK.” he said, setting the mug down and shoving his hands under his thighs. “I’m fine.” If he said it enough, maybe it would be true.


	8. The Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Flashback featuring memories of an abusive relationship, acephobia, sexual assault, ableism ("Would she help him? He thought and thought and…" to "Someone’s hand was on his back, rubbing up and down the length of his spine.")
> 
> Lots of smoochin in this one, but also lots of Caleb Bad Brain Times. Disclosure: I have no idea how hacking or computers work, please forgive me.   
> Happy pride!!!! It's been beautiful so far where I live, and I think that's the weather celebrating with us. 
> 
> Continued thanks to Artie and Beth, my dear and wonderful betas. Reading back through the google doc reminded me how much Artie yelled at me for this chapter. That's what friends are for!!
> 
> Come join me on tumblr, @jimisnotagirl, where I've been posting rarely seen Tam Art in honor of Widomauk Week! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!!

Jester called a group meeting Saturday afternoon. Caduceus, as per usual, brought snacks, and they worked their way through an entire tray of brownies while they met. Caleb picked his way through the smallest brownie he could find, doing his very best to hide the churning anxiety that had been simmering since Jester had texted the group chat the previous night. It was easy to hide that he wasn’t eating it, as Nott and Molly kept picking bits off of it. 

“All right, everyone, let’s call this meeting thing to order.” Beau said once they had all settled down. She was sprawled across the armchair, which she had dragged to the front of the living room. “We are here called to discuss...this.” Jester grabbed the whiteboard that hung in the kitchen and propped it up on the TV stand. In the center was written: ‘PROVING IKITHON IS A DICK(ITHON)’. Someone, definitely Jester, had drawn a upsettingly anatomically correct penis next to the name. 

“Very clever.” Molly commented, taking a huge corner out of Caleb’s brownie. “I like the illustration.” Jester curtsied. 

“So, what are we going to do?” Nott asked. “Are we breaking into this guy’s office? What’s happening?”

“We should break in!!” Jester said, writing ‘BREAK IN’ in large purple letters under the name. “Can any of us pick locks?”

“I can.” Nott said. “I was a master, back in the day.” Caleb pulled his cardigan sleeves over his hands, trying to hide their violent shaking. Molly put a hand on his thigh and rubbed it, his hand moving in a small circle. 

“But, is this really the only idea?” Fjord asked. “Can we go through the courts first?” 

“We don’t have proof, though.” Beau pointed out. “This is us getting the proof so we can get to the courts. Molly, you’ve got the most experience. Do we have anything to go on?”

“We’ve got eyewitness testimony, which is always useful.” Molly said slowly. “But they’re the ones with the paperwork. They can hide it. They’ll have transcripts of all communications with the Shepherds, and they can destroy that. If they figure out we’re trying to prove they purposefully ignored ransom claims, then we’ll have a leg to stand on. The problem is getting it. It’s not the best idea. It’s dangerous. But...it’s what we’ve got.” He shrugged. 

“Do we have plans of the building?” Nott asked. “Can we get them?”

“Cali can hack it!” Jester said. “She’s hacked the government before, just for fun. It’s not that hard. I think.” She wrote ‘CALI–HACK!’ next to ‘BREAK IN’. 

“We do not need to get more people in on this.” Caleb said to the coffee table. “It is too dangerous. Too dangerous.” 

“We can do it.” Jester said confidently. “It’s justice. Justice is important.”  _ Your lives are important _ . Caleb thought. He rubbed his hands up and down on his jeans, trying to get comfort from the texture. Molly moved his hand to Caleb’s shoulder so he could have his whole thigh. It wasn’t enough. He knew he should tell them why he didn’t like the plan, but he couldn’t. What would they think? Nott and Beau and Molly still loved him, but Nott and Molly would love him no matter what, and Beau didn’t give a shit about anything. He could imagine Jester’s face when he told her. He couldn’t do it. He barely let his friends see his scars; how could he let them see every little piece of his trauma? He didn’t know what they thought he dreamed about when he woke up screaming. He had never asked. They probably thought he had been abused as a child or something. 

“So, what skills do we have as a group that we can use to plan the  _ ultimate revenge heist _ ?” Jester asked, brandishing her whiteboard marker.

“Nott has all her street kid abilities.” Beau said. Jester wrote ‘Nott: STREET SMARTZ’ on the board. 

“So does Molly.” Yasha said.

“I wouldn’t call them street smarts.” Molly said. “I just conned people into giving me free food until someone picked me up.” Jester wrote ‘Molly: XTREME CHARISMA’ under Nott’s section, then added, ‘FJORD TOO!’ next to it. 

“Fjord is trustworthy. We can send him in first and he can distract the secretary while we sneak in.” Beau said. “I’ve got my martial arts and...the other stuff.” Jester wrote ‘BDE’ under Fjord’s name and ‘Bea: SUPER SECRET SPY STUFF’ under that. 

“What does BDE stand for?” Fjord asked, looking incredibly tired. Jester grinned.

“Big Dad Energy, of course. What else could it stand for?” she said, looking completely and suspiciously innocent. Fjord frowned at her and she burst into hysterical giggles.

“We should use Cad as a distraction.” Beau said. “He’s tall, and kind, and people always want to talk to him.”

“Yes! Brilliant!” Jester said, writing that down. “I can help him. I’m  _ very _ interesting.” 

“We’ll need someone who knows where to find things like this up in the office.” Nott said. “I can pick locks, and I can find things, but I don’t want to open every cabinet up there. We won’t have a lot of time.” Caleb started rubbing his thighs faster, his hands heating up with the friction. He knew he was the right person to do that, but he didn’t know. He was terrified of Ikithon, terrified of going back there in such proximity to the man. Even if his friends were there, he would never be able to go there.

“I guess I could do that.” Beau said. “I  _ guess _ . Or I could, I don’t know, get him out of there for a while. I have...connections.” 

“Through your kung fu school?” Caduceus asked. 

“You could say that.” Beau said. 

“OK, OK, OK.” Jester said. She erased the words after Beau’s name and wrote, ‘DICKITHON DISTRACTOR’. “Perfect!! You can come up with a cover story. I can forge things for you, if you need. Cad and Fjord can talk up the secretary, and I guess Molly and Nott and...me? We can go into the office and find stuff? Yasha, do you want to do something?”

“I can be lookout.” Yasha said. “If Ikithon comes back, I can physically stop him.” 

“Don’t do that, Yasha.” Molly said. “You know how they feel about Xhorhasians.” Yasha fidgeted with her braids.

“I know.” she said. “But I want to help.” 

“Caleb, you can be our at-home man!” Jester said. Caleb looked up in surprise at the sound of his name. “Someone can send you pictures of all the documents, and you can sort them or something. That way, you don’t have to be involved directly.”

“You can pay our bail.” Beau joked. Caleb frowned at her. 

“I…” he began. He twisted his sleeves tighter around his hands and stared fixedly at his shoes. “I can be the one to go in. And find the documents. I know where he would keep things like that.” His words were met with surprised silence. Molly’s hand moved back to his thigh.

“Are you sure, Caleb?” Nott asked. “I know you...you don’t have to. We can do it without you fine enough.”

“I can do it.” Caleb said. “I have more information than any of us about Ikithon. I can get us into his files. I can make this work.” He looked up and met Beau’s eyes.  _ I can do this _ , he thought at her.  _ I will be fine _ . Maybe Nott and Beau were right. Maybe it wasn’t his fault, the things he had done. Maybe he needed to confront the person whose fault it really was. 

_ You killed them with your own hands.  _ his brain grumbled.  _ Nott and Beau don’t know what you did, not really. They didn’t see the house burning. They didn’t watch you light that fuse.  _

_ This is me atoning for that. _ he thought back.  _ I can expose him for what he did to Molly. I can take him down for that, and then he will not be able to hurt anyone else.  _

_ You can never atone for killing your parents. _ his brain snapped.  _ You will always be guilty of that. Always.  _ Caleb pulled his sleeves farther over his hands, winding them into knots. This was a terrible idea, but they had to do it. Ikithon needed to be taken down.  _ But Ikithon could take him back, could kill him for what he knew _ . Ikithon wouldn’t kill him in public. There would be too many police and civilians around for Ikithon to kill him.  _ You know Ikithon does not care about that. He could shoot someone in the middle of a festival and he would find a way to keep power. You are going against a stone wall.  _ If they had proof, the courts couldn’t argue with that. Sgt. Feelid and Molly had managed it.  _ Sgt. Feelid and Molly had the weight of an entire community at their back. What do you have? _

_ I have my story. _ Caleb thought. If all else failed, he could testify against Ikithon. It was not the ideal situation, but he could do it. Even if they didn’t believe him, someone else would come forward. There had to be other people out there who had been through the program who would speak out.  _ Astrid.  _ Caleb could find Astrid. It had been years, but they had been friends. Lovers, even. When he had broken down, he and Astrid had not been in a good place, but maybe she would remember when they had been close. His memories of her were fuzzy. He remembered when they had been happy, and as the years went on things grew darker, harder to focus on. Would she help him? He thought and thought and…

_ He remembered how they had danced. He had learned how to waltz at youth group at the synagogue, and he had taught Astrid. He had learned the boy’s part because he was tall, and he remembered Astrid stepping all over his toes and laughing as she got the footwork wrong. It had been fun, whirling around the ballroom in the Academy until they were so dizzy they fell over, lying on the ground and laughing. That had been when he had realized he liked her. Back then, her hair had been long and wavy, longer even than his, and their locks had tangled on the floor, a puddle of brown and auburn intertwined. _

_ He remembered when things started to change. He had gotten a better grade on a test than her. He had shown her, grinning, so proud. He had worked to understand the complicated formulas of the math. He had chosen literature for a reason. He had come into their bedroom with the paper in his hands, beaming, and she had glared daggers at him. “Wow, Bren, way to brag.” she’d said, one perfect eyebrow arching up into her hairline. “Not all of us can be as  _ perfect _ as Ikithon’s special pet. What did you do to him to get that grade, huh?” He hadn’t quite understood the implications at the time, but late that night he had lain in bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking it over. Maybe he had been bragging.  _

_ He remembered how she had touched him. He had told her, once, that he had not liked sex very much, that it did not do for him what it did for her, but she had laughed and said, “It’s not supposed to feel good. It’s an abomination. We’re going against nature, Bren. Isn’t it sexy?” So he had stopped telling her when she hurt him, when he was so uncomfortable and overstimulated that he just wanted to crawl under the bed and hide from her hot breath and her fingers and her lips. Somehow she had found every place he hated to be touched, and when he tried to move her hands somewhere else she had moved them back. Every time they had sex he went to the shower and turned it up to the hottest setting possible, trying to burn away the feeling of her hands.  _

_ She had never hit him. Somehow that made it worse. She had hurt him with her words, with silence, with the ways she had ignored his needs. He had gone into full overstimulated meltdown one day after a rally and she had left him huddled in the corner of the library with only the words, “Come on, Bren, you’re almost 20, stop being such a child.” Eodwulf had sat with him. Eodwulf was never cruel.  _

_ He remembered seeing Eodwulf shooting his father point blank in the face, and he could not connect that boy with the sweet boy who had given him a cat stress ball to help him with his overstimulation.  _

_ He remembered watching Astrid smiling as her parents thrashed on the floor, poisoned by their own daughter. He had never had trouble connecting the two Astrids he had known. There was only Astrid.   _

Someone’s hand was on his back, rubbing up and down the length of his spine. For a brief moment, he forgot who he was with, and he froze, his fingers tensing on the edges of his cardigan. He was crying. 

“Caleb. Caleb. You’re safe, love. You’re safe.” It was Molly. It was only Molly. Molly wasn’t going to hurt him. Molly was  _ safe _ . He leaned into him, tucking his face into his shoulder, breathing in the calming,  _ safe _ , scent of Molly’s lavender perfume. “What’s wrong?”

“Bad memories.” Caleb mumbled. “I forgot about them. I forgot.” Molly stroked his hair and held him tight. The others were still talking, but Caleb didn’t pay attention. His world right now was Molly’s arms. Gradually, the flood of tears pouring down his face stemmed, and he sat up straighter. He had told Molly about Astrid. Not the bad things, of course. He had shoved the bad things into a box in the back of his brain that he hadn’t opened until now. Why had he done that? 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Molly asked. Caleb paused, a “ _ No _ ” resting on the tip of his tongue. Molly didn’t need more of his baggage.  _ Don’t be like that, Widogast _ . he told himself.  _ Talk to him. _

“I...can we go somewhere else?” he said to Molly’s legs. 

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Molly said. Caleb picked his cane up and they slipped around the couch and down the hall into Beau’s bedroom. The walls were covered in posters from martial arts movies and one large framed photo of Beau in the middle of a jumping kick. They sat on her bed, and Molly picked up the stuffed dog that was sitting on the pillow and ran his hands over the soft fur. Caleb settled back against him. 

“I was trying to remember if Astrid...my ex. If she would be the kind of person who could help us.” he said quietly. “I had...I remembered, in my body, in my soul, but not in my mind, what she was like. I went looking for it, and I found it.” He let out a long breath, staring at the rug. Molly rubbed his back in gentle circles. “I loved her.” Caleb said finally, his voice cracking, a sob choking the words. “I really did love her, and she took it and she...she just…” He stopped, letting the tears flow down his face. “She told me she loved me, but she loved part of me. The part that was clever and sometimes said amusing things and the part that could waltz. Not….the other part. The hard parts.”

“Then she didn’t really love you.” Molly said. “If she really loved you, she would have accepted every little part of you. Even the hard parts.” He kissed Caleb on the head. “I promise I’ll love all of you. I can’t say I’m perfect, but I’m doing my best.” Caleb snuggled against Molly’s chest, ending up half in his lap. Molly wrapped his arms and tail around Caleb, rubbing his shoulders. 

“Hey, what are you guys doing in there?” Beau called through the door. “Don’t be making out on my bed. Arthur and Professor Thaddeus don’t need to see that.” 

“Arthur and Professor Thaddeus have seen worse than Caleb and I making out.” Molly called. “We’re having an emotional moment, Beau, leave us alone for a second.” 

“Poor Arthur.” Caleb mumbled, rubbing the head of the stuffed dog in Molly’s lap. “You have seen a lot, haven’t you?” He laughed shakily and sat up. “ _ Danke, Schatz.” _

“It’s my job to listen to you.” Molly said, smiling and tucking a few stray locks of hair behind Caleb’s ears. “You don’t need to thank me, dear.” 

“Stop rejecting my appreciation. That is my job.” Caleb said, gently shoving Molly’s shoulder. Molly fell backwards dramatically, throwing his hands up and accidentally knocking Arthur onto the floor. Caleb moved himself around so he was lying next to Molly and settled his head onto his chest.

“I love you so much, Caleb.” Molly said, running his fingers through Caleb’s hair. “All of you.” Caleb hummed vaguely. He didn’t have the words to express his feelings. There was a ball of warmth curling in his chest. He loved Molly more than he could say, more than anything. “We should probably get back out there before Beau kicks the door down.” Molly murmured, brushing the top of Caleb’s head with a kiss. 

“ _ Ja. _ ” Caleb mumbled. He sat up and smiled softly at him. Molly leaned over and kissed him on the lips, his hands falling to Caleb’s hips. Caleb wound his fingers through Molly’s hair. “ _ Ich liebe dich. _ ” he whispered. “ _ Ich liebe dich. _ ” 

 

\------

 

Cali flopped down on her stomach on the rug of Jester and Beau’s living room, her limbs splayed out across the floor and her laptop open.

“They’ve changed the format.” she grumbled, glaring at the website she had open. “Why did they do that? This is the worst.” It was a week later, and they were starting Phase 2: Hacking Boogaloo, as Beau had dubbed it on the whiteboard. Today’s snack was Caduceus’ famous vegetarian lasagna, supplemented by several loaves of Fjord’s sourdough.

“You can figure it out, can’t you?” Molly asked. He was not in the mood to sit on things and had instead chosen to lie across the back of the couch, his tail dangling down over Caleb’s shoulder. 

“I think so.” Cali said, frowning at the screen and drumming one leg against the floor. “Ughh, I had the military website all figured out last year. Why do they have to be good at keeping up with the technology.”

“Cali, we were deployed last year.” Fjord said slowly, frowning at her. “Were you hacking the website while you were  _ in the army _ ?”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” Cali said casually. “Why not?” Molly stretched his tail towards the plate of bread and just barely brushed the top slice. Caleb picked it up and passed it to him.

“You can use your words, you know.” he said, shaking his head at Molly. 

“I was given a tail, I should use it!” Molly said, taking a large bite. Cali typed enthusiastically, the keys clacking a mile a minute. 

“Huh. That’s an interesting firewall they’ve got.” she said. “Hmm...I can do this, and this, and...I’m in!”

“That was fast!” Jester said, bouncing down off of the chair to peer over Cali’s shoulder. 

“Here are the security cams...they kept them in the same place! Nice!” Cali said happily. “Don’t look at me like that!” she added, pointing an accusatory finger at Fjord. 

“Why do you know where the security cam feed is?” Caduceus asked, sounding genuinely interested.

“Oh, I like people watching and I got bored of watching the other people in the platoon.” Cali said casually.

“You’re so creepy, Cali.” Jester said, grinning in delight. She grabbed her sketchbook from the couch and began copying out the layout of the building that Cali had pulled up. Molly finished his bread and brushed his hands off on his jeans. He sat up, shifted along the couch so he was sitting right behind Caleb’s head, and started braiding it into a complicated braid. He tuned out the conversations around him, his brain focusing completely on the strands of hair in his hands. As he braided, his mind started wandering. They still hadn’t figured out a cover story for the people distracting the secretary. Jester had suggested over dinner earlier that week that she pretend to have a heart attack in the middle of the reception room, which was immediately shot down by Fjord and Caleb.

“You work in a  _ hospital _ , Jester!” Fjord had exclaimed. “Why would you  _ suggest  _ that?” Jester had pouted for the rest of the meal. Molly thought it was a good idea. His idea–recreating the disastrous time they had broken into the Drs. Thrym’s old practice to try and prank the man who had taken it over–had also been rejected by the entire group. 

“You just want to do horrible things with your dick, Molly, we get it.” Beau had groaned. “Just calm down about it already.” Molly hadn’t really wanted to do horrible things to his dick again, but it had been the best idea he had thought of. 

“Molly,  _ Schatz, _ Jester wants you.” Caleb said, nudging his knee gently. Molly blinked, coming out of his thoughts.

“What’s up, Jester?” he asked, not taking his eyes off of the braid. 

“Do you know if you can get arrested for doing acrobatics in front offices of high up army officials?” Jester asked. Molly paused to look up and stare at her. 

“Probably. Why?” he asked.

“Well, there goes that plan.” Jester said, and returned to her sketching.

“Jester should be banned from planning.” Molly said to Caleb. “Hair tie, please.” Caleb passed him a black elastic, and he wound it around the base of the braid, holding his creation together. “There we go. You look lovely, my dear.” Caleb looked up at him to smile, and Molly planted a kiss on his forehead. “You always look lovely, though. It’s not a surprise.” 

“You two are so gross.” Nott said affectionately. 

“They’re adorable, Nott, you just don’t recognize love.” Jester exclaimed, bouncing up onto her heels. 

“I didn’t mean gross in a bad way!” Nott protested. “They’re gross in a very adorable way!” The door banged open and Beau came marching into the living room, accidentally whacking the top of the doorframe with her bo staff. 

“I fucking  _ murdered _ Xenoth at burpees.” she announced, hanging her jacket up on the hook and clattering down the hall towards her bedroom. “That bitch didn’t have a chance.”

“Aren’t you supposed to set a good example for the lower belts?” Molly asked. “I don’t know if having a cutthroat burpee contest counts as that.” Beau punched him, and he toppled sideways onto the couch.

“You  _ guys! _ ” Jester exclaimed. “I have a whole map of the building! We’ve got everything we need now!”

“Yeehaw.” Molly said, his voice muffled by the cushion. 

“I’m going to start writing us all cover stories so we can be super stealthy.” Jester said excitedly, writing furiously in the corner of her sketchbook. “Fjord, you can be Sexy Cowboy Businessman.”

“I don’t like that at all.” Fjord said. “Do we need cover stories? We can just think of a scenario. We probably won’t have to talk to anyone.” 

“Yeah, but cover stories are fun!” Jester said, pouting. “OK, I’ll come up with one for me, and anyone else who understands the importance of ultimate stealth.” Molly flipped himself upright and tucked his chin onto Caleb’s shoulder. He was tense, but he had been tense and jittery for the past week. Molly wished he could help, but he didn’t know what to do. He rubbed Caleb’s shoulder, trying to assure him through that small action that things were going to be all right. He had to hope things would turn out fine. Beau emerged from the bathroom and flopped down onto the couch next to Molly.

“Where’s Yasha?” she asked as casually as she could. 

“She has a job, you know.” Molly said. “She can’t show up for things just because a certain useless lesbian can’t ask her to hang out on her own.” Beau flipped him off.

“Hey, I haven’t been stuck in a mutual pine-fest for four years, you can’t talk about being useless.” she said.

“Fuck you, Beau.” Molly grumbled.

“Fuck you too.” Beau said. “And I  _ do _ ask Yasha to hang out on my own.”

“Asking Yasha to help you move boxes around does not count.” Molly said. “Yasha said you didn’t even talk to her!”

“I was just blown away by her powerful biceps.” Beau said defensively. “If you saw Caleb, I don’t know….reading a book? Caleb, what do you do that’s sexy?”

“Erm…” Caleb had clearly not been listening to the conversation and blinked in confusion at Beau. 

“Everything he does is sexy.” Molly said. “And I’m  _ not _ useless. I can talk to Caleb like a normal person. And I could before we started dating!”

“I can talk to Yasha!” Beau exclaimed. “We had a conversation yesterday! About that nature documentary we went to see!”

“That’s an improvement. Congratulations.” Molly said. 

“Molly is right. You are useless.” Caleb offered. Beau leaned across Molly to shove his good knee. 

“Fuck both of you. You’re conspiring against me.” she grumbled. Molly patted her on the shoulder and received a punch for his efforts. 

 

\------

 

The plan finally came together late one night. It was technically a work night, but it was one of those nights where none of them could sleep. Caleb suspected that it was not a normal thing to have collective insomnia, but such was the way of a group of friends who had been through what they had. They had gathered in Caleb and Nott’s living room. Beau had sprawled herself across the entirety of the couch, leaving the rest of the group to battle over the single remaining armchair. Caleb had decided to lie down on the floor. It would be hard for him to get back up, but he was in the kind of mood that made you want to lie on the ground and pretend to sleep. 

"OK, soooooo," Jester began, perching like a very large blue bird on the arm of the couch, "We have the plans of the building and we know how we're getting in, sort of. All we have to do is decide who's doing what!"

"We know I'm picking the locks." Nott said. "That's just a given. Caleb'll come with me to find the documents, and I guess we could use a lookout…?"

"I'll do that." Molly said. He was lying with his head on Caleb's stomach, his other limbs spread out across the floor and taking up far more space than one skinny tiefling ought to take up. "I'm  _ very  _ distracting."

"Somehow I feel like that was a innuendo and I really don't like that." Fjord commented. "Cad and I can talk up the secretary so y'all can get in, and Jester…you can make a distraction downstairs."

"Yes! I love making distractions." Jester cheered. "Beau, you can help! It'll be the best distraction ever." Caleb didn't know what sort of distraction Jester could be developing, but he knew for a fact it would be wild.

"What about Yasha?" Nott asked. Since Yasha lived in a completely different part of the city, she was the only member of their group not present other than Caduceus, who was actually asleep.

"She can be a lookout with me." Molly said cheerfully, stretching one of his legs up into the air and flexing the foot around in lazy circles. "She's rather conspicuous, though, and the army really doesn't like Xhorhasians, especially with the war on." 

"She'll be our woman on the outside!" Jester exclaimed. "She can sit on a bench outside and talk to one of us, and when she sees Dikithon she can alert us."

"That's a good idea, Jessie!" Nott exclaimed. 

"I had an idea about getting in." Molly announced. "Caleb and I can pretend to be looking for information about disability benefits or something."

"That would make sense. We've already done that, so it's not something we have to make up anything about." Jester said thoughtfully. "What do you think, Caleb?" 

"That is fine." Caleb said, his eyes still closed. "We will have to disguise ourselves, though. All of us. They have our faces in the directory and they will get suspicious."

"Good point." Fjord said. "Molls, you have stage make-up still, right?"

"If you didn't throw it out." Molly said. "I don't know if I have enough body paint for you and Jester and I, but I can always buy some."

"Ugh, body paint is the worst." Jester complained. "Do I have to?" 

"Blue tieflings aren't that common." Beau pointed out. "They'd be on to us immediately." Jester huffed. 

"Fine." she grumbled.

"I don't think we need to dye our hair." Molly said thoughtfully. "That's just a lot of work. We can wear hats or something. I'm sure I have plenty." 

"Sounds like we've got a plan." Beau said. "Meeting adjourned!"

"Let's party!!" Jester exclaimed. A solid _thunk_ indicated that she had jumped down from the couch.

"I'm gonna go back to bed and see if I can't get some shut-eye." Fjord said, yawning. "Night, y'all." The door opened and shut.

"Fjord's so lame." Jester observed. "Sleeping? Who does that anymore?"

"Normal people who don't have trauma and anxiety?" Beau suggested. 

"It looks like Caleb's just about gone to sleep." Molly observed. 

" _ Nein _ , I am awake." Caleb mumbled. "I am just resting my eyes." He was, in fact, half asleep already.

"Sit up, I want to braid your hair." Jester whined. Caleb opened his eyes and sat up, allowing his friend to squash in behind him and start weaving his hair together in a complicated braid. "I'm so glad you grew it out, it looks so much nicer.  _ And I think Molly thinks it's really sexy." _ she added in a very loud stage whisper. 

"Caleb has always been really sexy." Molly said loyally, grinning up at Caleb from his new position in his lap. Caleb blushed, and Molly grinned even wider. 

"I think it's time for bed!" Nott announced. 

"Booo." Beau groaned. "I want to hang out."

"It is 3:24. I think that is a good time to go to sleep." Caleb said. Jester finished the braid and let the hair fall back into place. 

"I  _ guess _ ." she said. "Good night." She skipped out of the door.

"Night." Beau grunted, following her. Nott slid down from her perch on the armchair to wander down the hall to the bedroom. Molly stood up slowly, stretching his arms up towards the ceiling. 

"I think I'm going to give sleeping a try tonight." he said. He held his hands out to Caleb, who took them and heaved himself up. "How are you feeling about...this?" Molly asked.

"I am fine." Caleb said, squeezing his hands and ignoring the roiling anxiety curling in his stomach. Molly searched his face, his eyebrows scrunching together. "I am  _ fine _ , Mollymauk." he said again, leaning his head against Molly's forehead. "I promise." Molly kissed him and smiled.

"Let me know when you're not, OK?" he said. Caleb nodded, and they wandered back to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've mentioned this before, but all the Beau Kung Fu content is based off of my real life kung fu experience. Yes, two of the black belt instructors had a burpee contest in the middle of class once. It wasn't as cut throat as Beau's was, though one of them did try to get us to gang up on the other person while he was doing burpees. Kung fu is a fun time.


	9. Winter Festival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> General Molly-typical bad brain, paranoia, anxiety throughout the whole chapter
> 
> There are only three more chapters left in this fic! How did that happen so fast?! Unfortunately, because of a lack of a computer next week, I probably won't be posting on Thursday. Expect a Tuesday update and a double Friday update!
> 
> Thanks to my betas, Beth and Artie! Beth helped assure me that no, this chapter isn't weird and awkward don't worry so much, and Artie continued to shout at me for my crimes. 
> 
> Come join me in my den of Critical Role fanart and random memes @jimisnotagirl on tumblr!
> 
> Thank you for reading!!!!!!

The morning of the winter festival dawned clear and bright. Molly had not slept much the previous night, but when he came to groggy consciousness he immedeatly hopped out of bed and ran to the shower. He loved the various festivals in Zadash, and he loved going to them with his friends. As the hot water poured over his body, he remembered the last festival he had been to and grinned to himself. It had been the Harvest Close festival before they deployed, and it had been when he had bought the Platinum Dragon tapestry. When he got out of the shower, Nott was perched on the sink waiting for him to be finished. 

“It’s festival day!” Molly sang, drying himself off vigorously and winding the towel around his hair and horns. 

“It’s like eight in the morning.” Nott groused. “Why are you so energetic?” Molly ruffled her hair and froliced his way back into the bedroom. Caleb was still asleep, his hand tangled around the edge of the pillowcase and a small frown on his face. He had woken up screaming a couple of times that night. Molly would let him sleep. He undid his towel turban and began to dress, humming absently as he sorted through his clothes, trying to find the best outfit for the festival. He settled on a sparkly pink flannel and his flannel-lined skinny jeans. As he was buttoning his shirt up, Caleb shifted in the bed and sat up, shoving his hair out of his face.

“ _ Guten morgen,  _ my love.” Molly said, definitely mangling the Zemnian. “Sleep alright?”

“Werghgh.” Caleb grumbled, rubbing his hands over his face. “Fine.” Molly did the last button and went over to kiss him. 

“Nott’s in the shower, but knowing her, she’ll be out…” There was the distinct sound of the bathroom door slamming open. “...now.” Molly finished. Caleb tugged him back in for another kiss, then grabbed his cane and wandered to the bathroom. Molly went down the hall to the kitchen.

“Get me some eggs from the fridge.” Nott shouted over the clattering of the bowls she was rummaging through. Molly fetched the egg carton and the milk and set them down next to the stove. “Why do we have so many bowls?” Nott grumbled, setting the right one down on the counter. 

“You’ve got to have enough to put...all the soup in?” Molly said, trailing off when he realized he had no idea what his point was supposed to be. Nott made a face at him and began cracking eggs and tossing the shells across the kitchen and into the open trash can. 

“You are so weird.” she said.

“I know. That’s why you keep me around, isn’t it?” Molly said, grinning at her. Nott shrugged.

“You’re also pretty good at talking your way out of things, and that’s useful.” she said. “Especially if you want to commit a crime.”

“You keep me around for my value as a crime partner?” Molly asked, putting a hand to his chest. “I’m insulted.” 

“Also Caleb likes you a lot.” Nott added, shrugging. “A little more than a lot.”

“Caleb is  _ smitten. _ ” Molly said, grinning at her.

“It’s true.” Caleb said, entering the kitchen and sitting down at the table. “I am.” Nott shook her head and turned her attention back to the eggs. Molly dragged one of the chairs over so he could sit next to Caleb. 

“We have to get hot chocolate when we’re at the festival.” he said, perching cross-legged on the chair and drumming his fingers on his knees. “And donuts, but I know Jester will buy those as soon as we see a cart. Oh, and I want to go look at the ice sculptures!!”

“You are very excited for this.” Caleb said, smiling at him. 

“Of course I'm excited, it’s the  _ winter festival _ .” Molly said. “Who wouldn’t be excited?”

“Jester wants to teach me how to ice skate.” Nott said. “Please convince her I don’t need to do that.” 

“Oh, come on, Nott, ice skating is fun.” Molly said. “Yasha and I will take you! You can sit on her shoulders and see everything.” 

“Ice is dangerous. It’s like water, but it hurts you if you fall on it and you can break through and freeze to death.” Nott said, shuddering. 

“I think the ice rink is just solid ice.” Caleb commented. “You will be fine, Nöttchen. I would come with you, but…” He shrugged, shooting a glance down at his leg. 

“I’ll hold your hand the whole time.” Molly promised. Nott stuck her tongue out at him. 

“Eggs are done.” she announced. Molly bounced up and filled a plate for himself and for Caleb. Nott grabbed the salsa out of the fridge and slathered her eggs in it. 

“Do you have taste buds?” Molly asked her. “That’s so much.” 

“Yr jus’ too wea’ to app’eciate s’lsa.” Nott said through a huge mouthful of egg. Molly shook his head at her. Caleb, who was apparently desensitized to Nott’s food crimes, continued to eat his eggs in cheerful silence. 

The festival took up the entirety of downtown Zadash. It was early, so there were not that many people there yet, but it was still very crowded. Caleb held on to Molly’s hand, his thumb tapping anxiously as they were surrounded by the other festival-goers. Molly could feel anxiety curling up his chest, a feeling he had never experienced. Fuck. He should have realized he wouldn’t be great at large crowds of people anymore, but he had been so excited about the festival that he hadn’t thought of it. His brain was screaming at him to hide, that someone was going to find him and take him back. 

_ Shut up.  _ he thought at it.  _ The Iron Shepherds can’t find you here. You’re being paranoid. _ His brain didn’t listen. 

“Donuts!” Jester yelled, sprinting across the street and dodging through the crowds towards the cart. The others followed her in a ragtag line, and they clustered around the cart. Molly and Caleb lurked on the edge of the crowd, Molly desperately trying to shove his rising anxiety back down. His free hand was shaking, and he shoved it deep into his pocket.  _ Breathe, Tealeaf. Breathe.  _ “Hey, Molly, do you want sprinkles?!” Jester yelled.

“Of course I want sprinkles, Jester, who do you think I am?” he shouted back, somehow managing to keep the tremor out of his voice. He was going to be fine. He would get through this, and then he could go home and lie down and snuggle with Caleb. Jester came marching back through the crowd, and they huddled around her, taking donuts out of the bulging paper bag. Molly split his with Caleb, secretly grateful for the excuse to not eat as much as he normally would. The donuts were delicious, and they left his fingers covered in chocolate sauce and cinnamon sugar. 

“OK, I want to find the booze.” Beau announced. “Who’s with me?”

“Beau, it is 9:55.” Caleb said. “It is far too early for alcohol.”

“Fuck standards.” Beau said. 

“More like fuck your health.” Molly commented. “We’ll get plenty of booze later.” He patted her shoulder and immediately shoved his hand back into his pocket, not wanting his friends to see how much he was shaking. They wandered down the street, looking at the winter-themed window displays the stores had created. Gilmore had put glittery snowflakes and fake snow in his window, and had positioned several snowmen and tree-shaped bath bombs in a picturesque scene. Jester had to be bodily dragged away from the candy store’s window.

“This is so pretty.” Caduceus said happily. He was wearing a very thick, very long hand-knitted scarf and a colorful hat with a big poofy pink pompom crowning it. He looked even more cozy than he usually did. 

“Oh, wait until you see the ice sculptures.” Molly said. “They’re  _ gorgeous _ .” 

“I’m excited to see them.” Caduceus said, beaming at him. 

“I love Caduceus.” Molly said to Caleb once the firbolg had wandered up to talk to Fjord. “He’s so…” He waved his free hand vaguely, not quite sure what word could best describe Caduceus.

“Soft? Kind? Perfect in all ways?” Nott suggested, appearing behind Molly and startling him.

“All of the above.” Beau added. 

“You guys need to stop lurking.” Molly grumbled. Caleb patted him on the shoulder. They ducked into a store so Beau could ogle the collection of scarves on display and moan about how she couldn’t afford any of them. “Hey, Caleb, does this go with my coat?” Molly yelled across the store, draping a gaudy scarf over his head and posing. Caleb, who was being forcibly dressed in coats of increasing degrees of ridiculousness by Jester and Nott, gave him a thumbs up and smiled.

“I like it.” Caduceus said, appearing from behind a rack of summer dresses. “It’s very you. It hurts my eyes, but that’s OK.” Molly grinned at him.

“Thanks, Cad.” he said. “If only I could afford it.” He placed it reverently back on the rack and patted it. “Someday, maybe.” 

“Are you doing all right?” Caduceus asked, regarding Molly with a kind look that somehow felt like he was staring directly into Molly’s brain and pulling out all of the things hiding in the corners. “You seem a little tense.” 

“I’m fine.” Molly said tersely, staring fixedly at the dresses and running his hands over the skirts. 

“That doesn't sound like someone who’s fine.” Caduceus said, stepping in front of Molly and looking him directly in the eye. Molly tried to look away, but Caduceus his hands on Molly’s shoulders and leaned forward. “If you need to talk, I am always here. Always.” he said softly. He straightened up and walked over to Beau and Fjord, leaving Molly standing among the racks and trying to understand how Caduceus had  _ done that _ . 

“Molly, come on, we’re going to the ice sculpture now!” Beau called, snapping Molly out of his reverie. He hurried over to join the group. “Oh, and Yasha texted to say she’ll meet us at the rink.”

“She texted you and not me?” Molly asked, grinning at her.

“You still don’t have a phone.” Beau said, glaring daggers. “And Jester never answers her phone.”

“Yasha and Beau, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-” Molly sang, but was cut off by Beau socking him in the arm. “That’s going to bruise!” 

“You can let Caleb kiss it better!!!” Jester exclaimed. 

“I do not think that’s how things work.” Caleb mumbled, blushing. Molly slid his hand into Caleb’s and kissed him on the cheek.

“I’ve cured your depression at last.” he whispered. Caleb made a face at him.

“I would like to see some ice sculptures.” Fjord announced. 

“Ice sculptures.” Jester echoed, giggling. “Ayce sculptures.” she repeated, adding a ridiculously drawn-out drawl. Fjord rolled his eyes and pushed the door of the shop open. As they started to walk down the street, the anxiety started to crawl back into his brain. This was an internationally renowned event. The Shepherds knew where he was from; he had told them under torture. Hadn't he? His brain was so fuzzy. Shit, had he forgotten something? His chest started to tighten, and he sucked in a deep breath. He couldn’t start spiraling now. No panic attacks until he got home. He bit his lip, forcing himself to stay in the moment. 

 

\------

 

There were many more people at the ice sculptures coupled with incredibly loud pop music, and Caleb could feel himself starting to shut down the moment they set foot within the confines of the display. He held tight to Molly’s hand, humming vaguely to himself and running his hand up and down his jeans. It was fine. He had gotten through worse. He could tell Molly was struggling, too. It was obvious in the way he didn’t sprint to every other art display, shouting about the impeccable curves or detail or whatever the artist had done particularly well. After a few minutes had passed, Caleb came to a decision.

“Molly.” he whispered, tugging on the tiefling’s hand. “Mollymauk.” Molly was staring at a beautifully carved depiction of the Raven Queen, an expression of intense concentration on his face. “Molly!” 

“Hmm?” Molly asked, turning abruptly towards Caleb. There was something off in his eye.

“I want to go sit down.” Caleb said over the music. “It’s very loud.” 

“Yeah.” Molly said absently. “Good idea.” They wove their way through the crowds to an isolated bench far away from everything. Molly didn’t let go of Caleb’s hand when they sat down, but he was clearly wrestling with something.

“What is wrong,  _ Liebling _ ?” Caleb asked, running his thumb over the scar on Molly’s knuckle. 

“Nothing.” Molly said, staring at the distant crowds. “I’m fine.” Caleb fiddled with the tassel of his scarf. Molly was clearly not fine. Should he pursue this? He wished Caduceus was here. Caduceus was good at this kind of thing. However, Caduceus was also busy looking at ice sculptures. He sighed, staring down at the ground.

“You are not fine, Molly.” he said finally, looking directly at his boyfriend. “I know you are not fine. Why are you trying to hide it? You know I will understand.” Molly didn’t look at him.

“It’s nothing. I promise, Caleb. It’s nothing.” he said. “We can deal with it later.” 

“We should deal with it now.” Caleb said gently. “Something is wrong.”

“I don’t  _ want  _ to deal with it now!” Molly snapped, turning to look at Caleb. There were so many emotions swirling around in his eyes: frustration, anger, anxiety. Caleb had never seen Molly look like that. “I just, I wanted things to be normal today. For once!”

“They don’t have to be normal if you are not feeling well.” Caleb said, trying to keep his voice level. He was not going to have a panic attack. Molly was not yelling at him. Molly was just frustrated.  _ He was not going to have a panic attack. _ “We can go home now.”

“I don’t, I... _ fuck! _ ” Molly sputtered, dropping Caleb’s hand. “I want things to stay how they were, OK? Everything fell apart and I just want it back to normal! Can’t I have that?”

“ _ Schatz,  _ I know. I know.” Caleb said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Gods, of course I know that.” 

“We can pretend everything is fine until we get home. I just want to have a  _ normal fucking day  _ for once.” Molly said. There were tears gathering in his eyes. “I don’t want to let my stupid brain ruin everything.” 

“It’s not...Mollymauk, it is fine if you need to go home.” Caleb said. “We cannot do that. It will make things worse.”

“Worse? Worse than what?” Molly shouted, leaping to his feet. “I’ve been paranoid that fucking Lorenzo is going to burst in here and take me back all day! I’m riding the edge of a panic attack, and I just want to ignore it and have a good time at this thing that I enjoy going to, but I can’t do that! And you just want me to make it worse! If I talk about it, then it’s real! If I talk about it, everything is going to shatter again!” He was crying now, angry tears rolling down his face. Caleb wanted to say something, but his breath was getting stuck in his throat. “I don’t want...I don't... _ argh _ !” Molly turned on his heel and started speed walking away, his shoulders stiff and his tail lashing against his legs.

“Mollymauk,” Caleb managed to force out, but Molly was already gone. He wanted to run after him, to ignore his bad leg and just grab Molly and hold him, but he couldn’t. He just sat there, tears trickling down his face, trying to shove the sound of Astrid screaming at him that kept threatening to replace Molly in his head. He barely noticed when Jester and Nott came running over to him. 

“Caleb! We heard Molly shouting...what happened? What’s wrong? Where did he go?” Jester asked frantically. Caleb shook his head. He didn’t have words. He didn’t know what words he would use if he had any.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you on Tuseday for more wonderful fanfic content >:3c


	10. Kintsugi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No trigger warnings in this one! Just be aware that Molly and Caleb have some bad brain thoughts throughout, but they deal with them in a good and healthy way.
> 
> Only one more chapter to go?? What is this?! There's also going to be an epilogue. I will be posting those together on Friday, because on Thursday I'm going to be camping and without a computer. 
> 
> Thanks a million to Beth and Artie for continuing to beta (We continue to beta...that word makes sense, yo). Pay no attention to the random inside jokes in the author notes.

“Molly, you have to eat something.” Yasha said, leaning her head against the locked door of the guest room. “You haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.” There was a faint grumbling noise from within. “I’m going to make you more pasta, OK?” No response. “OK, good talk.” She ran her hands through her hair and came back into the living room, where Caduceus and Fjord were sitting. “It’s been three days.” she sighed, sitting down on the couch in between them. “I’ve never seen him like this.”

“I just can’t figure out what on earth they argued about.” Fjord said. “Molly doesn’t shout at people for no reason, and he definitely doesn't shout at Caleb.”

“He’s been shoving something deep down inside of himself, and it probably came raging out of him.” Caduceus said thoughtfully. “That kind of thing isn’t healthy.”

“Have you been to see Caleb?” Yasha asked. “I would but...I don’t really want to leave him alone.” She shot a look down the hallway. 

“Caleb is…” Fjord began, and he and Caduceus exchanged a look. “He’s the same, pretty much. Except he actually leaves his bedroom.” Yasha sighed again and walked into the kitchen to start the water for pasta. 

“We just need to get them to talk to each other.” she said. “But that’s the hard part. Molly won’t talk to me, and I know Caleb is bad at talking to people, especially in this kind of situation.” They sat in silence, stuck in their own thoughts, until the water started bubbling and Yasha began to stir the pasta. 

“Cad, maybe you can talk to him.” Fjord said. “You’re good at that.”

“I don’t know Molly well enough. I don’t know if he trusts me.” Caduceus said, fidgeting with the cord of his sweatshirt. 

“Of course he trusts you.” Fjord said. “Everyone trusts you. You’re that kind of person.” 

“Molly isn’t really in a state to trust people easily.” Yasha pointed out. “I’m surprised he still trusts us, honestly.” 

“I can try.” Caduceus said. “I’m worried it was me that sparked...this.” 

“What? Why?” Fjord asked, staring at him. 

“I tried to get Molly to talk about what was bothering, and after that he was really withdrawn and stressed looking.” Caduceus explained. “Maybe I shouldn’t have bothered him about it.” Yasha chewed her lip, stirring the pasta counterclockwise. 

“I don’t think you shouldn’t have bothered him.” Fjord said. “He probably needed the push, it just happened to clash with more things.” Yasha dumped the pasta out into the strainer in the sink and began hunting for the parmesan.

“Molly is struggling. It would have blown up anyway, even without you.” she said over the rustling of the various bags in the freezer. “Maybe this can be the catalyst for him actually getting help.” 

“I hope so.” Fjord said. Yasha located the bag and prepared a healthy portion of pasta drowning in cheese. She padded down the hallway and knocked on the door.

“Molly? I have food.” she said. There was no response, and she leaned against the doorframe, sighing. “Molly, please open the door.” The bed creaked, and she could hear him walking across the floor. The door opened a crack, and Molly’s tearstained face appeared at it. “Pasta with extra cheese.” Yasha said, offering it to him. He opened the door wider and let her come in, accepting the plate and fork. Yasha sat on the bed among the tangled sheets and regarded her friend. Molly was wearing his own sweatpants and one of her t-shirts, which was practically a tunic on his skinny frame. His hair was a tangled mess, and there were dark circles under his eyes. 

“Thanks, Yasha.” he said, sitting next to her and staring at the plate. 

“You need to eat something.” Yasha said gently. “You need the blubber for winter.”

“If I don’t leave my bed for the rest of my life, I won’t have to worry about that.” Molly said, picking up the fork and eating a few mouthfuls of pasta. 

“You’ll have to leave eventually.” Yasha said. “You won’t get to see Caleb if you stay in here forever.” Molly tensed. 

“I don’t think Caleb wants to see me.” he told the plate. Yasha fidgeted with her braids for a moment.

“I don’t think that’s true.” she said. Molly looked up at her, tears pooling in his eyes. 

“I yelled at him.” he said. “I  _ yelled at him _ , Yasha. At Caleb. Who I’ve known for  _ years _ has panic attacks when people yell at him like that.  _ What kind of a person does that? _ ” 

“You were…” Yasha had no idea what she was supposed to say. Molly put the plate on the bedside table and rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. “You weren’t exactly in the best place, were you?” she said finally, putting a hand on his knee. “Caleb understands that. Caleb’s been in some awful...places over the past year. Over his life, actually. You just need to talk to him.” Molly stared at her, looking absolutely miserable. 

“What if I do that again?” he asked. “What if I hurt him like that again? I can’t do that to him.”

“Then you talk about it.” Yasha said. “That’s what love is. Sometimes you argue, and sometimes you hurt each other, but then you talk about it and you make up and you still love each other at the end of the day. If you don’t talk to him about it, you’ll just hurt him worse. I bet he’s hurting as much as you are. I bet he blames himself for whatever you yelled at him about as much as you blame yourself. That’s how Caleb is. So you’d better go and talk to your boyfriend as soon as possible, or I swear, Mollymauk Tealeaf, I will…” She trailed off, not sure what she wanted to do. Molly sighed and picked the plate up again.

“Maybe you’re right.” he said, and ate a few more bites of pasta. Yasha patted him on the leg.

“I’m always right. I’m your best friend.” she said, and slipped out of the door.

 

\------

 

Molly actually finished all of the pasta, which was an improvement from the previous day. When he had finished, he set it down on the bedside table and flopped back onto the bed. He thought about what Yasha had said. She was right. He should go talk to Caleb, but he was too cowardly. Every time he thought about it, his stomach churned in anxiety and he started falling down a self-hatred spiral.

_ Good. _ his brain thought.  _ You should hate yourself. Look at what you did to him. You’re a terrible person. What kind of a person yells at Caleb? What kind of a person? The kind of person who shot a man point blank with his own pistol. The kind of person who deserved every little bit of pain he went through. Fate is just telling you to give up now while things are still a little good. You don’t deserve Yasha. You don’t deserve Caleb. Just leave now, go back to the wilderness and die there.  _

“I shouldn’t do that.” Molly told the ceiling. “That’s a stupid idea.”

_ It’s what you deserve.  _ his brain hissed. Molly ran his fingers over the scars on the back of his arm and chewed his lip. His brain was wrong. He knew his brain was wrong. Why did it still keep whispering to him then? He just wanted it to  _ stop.  _

“I’ll go to the clinic.” he said. “I’ll talk to someone. I’ll talk to Caleb. That will fix things.”

_ Will it? _ his brain whispered.  _ What if it just makes it worse? Do you want to get worse? Some things you should forget. You’re so good at that. It scares you so much, but you’re good at it. Remember when you had a panic attack because you lost your keys? Remember that? You deserved that.  _

“Stop saying that.” Molly growled, rolling over and putting the pillow over his head, as if covering his ears would stop the insistent whispers in his mind. “That’s wrong. You forget things because you have ADHD. You don’t deserve to have panic attacks. You didn’t deserve all that trauma. You need to get help. Cad is right. Yasha’s right. Talk to someone, Tealeaf, you fucking idiot.”  _ You should have done that years ago, you should have gotten therapy, you just didn’t think your trauma was good enough, you were just a burden on the therapist, other people needed it more… _ “Stop it!” Molly yelled into the pillow. He sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. He needed a shower. He rifled through the dresser, which over the years had turned into where he put all the clothes that didn’t fit into his actual dresser, and pulled out a set of clean clothes. As he was walking to the bathroom, he passed Fjord.

“Oh! Molly! Hey!” Fjord exclaimed. “Are you...are you feeling better?”

“I suppose I am.” Molly said. “We’ll see.” Fjord gave him a tight hug and patted him on the shoulder.

“I’m glad.” he said. Molly stood for a long time under the hot water of the shower, letting it pour over his face and wash away the tears. He was going to get better.  _ He was going to get better _ . 

 

\------

 

Caleb stared up at the ceiling, rubbing his hand over Frumpkin’s back. Nott was at work, and he was alone in the apartment with his feelings. They were complicated at best. He knew Molly hadn’t meant to shout. He knew Molly had been overwhelmed and stressed and he knew better than most people in their friend circle how that made you want to lash out at people. Caleb understood that. He just couldn't make his brain understand. Every time he closed his eyes, he could hear Molly’s voice shouting mixed with another voice, a voice he didn’t want to think of in conjunction with Molly’s. 

_ Astrid and Molly are not the same. Molly is not like Astrid. Stop it! _ he thought to himself.  _ Molly was not really angry. Molly just needs some time.  _

_ Do you want this to go the same as it went last time?  _ his brain asked.  _ What if this falls to pieces like your relationship with Astrid did? You loved her at the beginning, too. _

_ Molly would never hurt me. _ Caleb thought, curling his fingers around Frumpkin in irritation.  _ Molly would never do what  _ she _ did.  _ A cold lump curled in his stomach as his brain started to replay all the memories of Astrid, all the bad ones. He had loved her with all of his being. He really had.  _ Molly is not throwing your love away. Molly loves all the little parts of you. He loves you even though he’s seen you break down so many times. Astrid saw you get overstimulated once and she threw you away like so much trash.  _

“Maybe I hurt Molly.” Caleb said to the ceiling in Zemnian. “It was me who wanted him to talk. Maybe it’s my fault.” He knew that was stupid. He knew it deep in his bones. He had not hurt Molly. Someone else had hurt Molly, had shattered Molly into so many little pieces of glass and ground them into the dirt. Not for the first time, Caleb wished he could go up to Shady Creek Run and kill Lorenzo himself for what he had done to Molly. “I should talk to him.” he added, still in his first language. “But he does not want to talk. I do not want to make him upset again.” 

_ If you’re afraid of that, why are you in a relationship? Why do you talk to anyone? _ the tiny voice in the back of his head that sounded like the therapist he hadn’t gone to see in months asked.  _ Love is fear and pain and loss and longing. Love is so many things. Talk to him, Widogast.  _ Caleb sat up and, grabbing his cane, shoved himself up from the bed and moved across the apartment and out of the door, pausing only to grab his coat. He would walk to Yasha’s apartment and he would apologize to Molly and they would talk. If it went badly, well...Caleb wasn’t really sure what he would do. He would pick up the pieces and he would try to stick them back together. It wouldn’t be the same, but maybe it would still be beautiful. 

The air outside was chilly, and Caleb wished he had remembered his scarf. He turned the collar of his coat up and pulled the sleeve down over his cane hand. It was not too far to Yasha’s apartment. His leg started to throb a few blocks from home, and he had to stop to take a break on a public bench, but he was almost there. Yasha’s apartment building crested up over the edge of a hill, and he made himself start walking faster. He was barely paying attention to where he was walking that he walked right into another person and nearly tipped over. The other person grabbed his arm, and he looked up into Molly’s face. 

“Molly–!”

“Caleb!” They stared at each other. Molly dropped Caleb’s arm and looked away, chewing his lip and drumming on his leg. “I’m…”

“I’m sorry.” Caleb said before Molly could say anything. “I should not have pushed you like that. I was just...I was worried, Molly. I knew you were not doing fine, and I wanted to know  _ why. _ I should have waited for you to talk to me. I am sorry.”  Molly stared at the sidewalk then back at Caleb.

“You shouldn’t have to apologize.” he said. “I’m the one who yelled. I’m the one who went running away instead of fucking dealing with my problems. I’m sorry, Caleb. I shouldn’t have let myself get to that point. I should have told you I was struggling. I wanted...I don’t even know what I wanted. To go back in time to when I could go in a public place and not have a breakdown, maybe.” He laughed, shaking his head. “I was so stupid, Caleb. I am so stupid. I don’t think I want that, anymore. I just want us to be fine now. And I’m going to figure all this shit out. I promise. I’m going to the mental health clinic. I’m going to actually talk about my feelings now. Gods, I was such a dumbass.” He took Caleb’s hand and sighed. “Let’s go back to Yasha’s and we can talk about this all.” Caleb studied his face for a long time, then stepped forward and kissed him softly.

“We are going to work it all out.” he said, leaning his forehead against Molly’s. “It’s going to be fine. I know it will.” Molly smiled. “I am proud of you, Molly.” Caleb added. “I know...it’s hard. It’s so hard, working all that out. Asking for help. Gods know I tried and failed and tried and failed so many times before I got it right. I know you’re going to get there, and you’re going to get better, Molly. You are.” Molly grinned, his eyes brimming over with tears, and pulled him back in for a kiss, his arm wrapping around Caleb’s waist to support him better. 

“I love you, Caleb.” he whispered, his words cracking. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Mollymauk.” Caleb murmured. “More than anything.” 

“Gods, we’re so stupid.” Molly said. “What were we thinking, avoiding each other?”

“Sometimes you just need a lot of time to think about your feelings.” Caleb said, shrugging. Molly kissed him on the forehead and took his hand again.

“Let’s stop blocking the sidewalk and go talk about my mental health, why don’t we?” he said.

“ _ Ja, _ that sounds like a plan.” Caleb said. They walked slowly up the hill, remaining in silence until they were in Yasha’s apartment. Caleb settled down on the couch, and Molly sat facing him, his legs tucked underneath him. “So. Let’s try this again. What is wrong, Molly?”

“What isn’t wrong?” Molly asked. Caleb made a face at him, and he sighed. “Sorry, I know. Defensive humor: not great.” He leaned his head against the back of the couch. “I’m having a lot of anxiety, obviously.” he began, speaking very slowly and carefully, as if he was struggling to form his thoughts into words. “And I wasn’t having these earlier, but yesterday I started getting really paranoid and overwhelmed by all the people. Like, part of me was convinced Lorenzo was going to appear in the middle of Zadash and take me back.” Caleb took his hand and rubbed circles on the back of it with his thumb. 

“That is the worst, isn’t it?” he said. “On my bad days, I think...I think Ikithon is coming back for me. I have not had a day like that in a while.” He drummed his fingers over his thigh. “Is that it?”

“I mean, there’s the other stuff, the stuff you know about. Panic attacks. Nightmares. Insomnia. The whole nine yards.” Molly said. “Oh. I…” He sighed. “I’ve been having bad thoughts, a lot of them.” He didn’t elaborate, just twisted his lip. Caleb squeezed his hand. 

“That can be all, if you want.” he said. “I do not want to push you.” Molly sighed and moved so he was leaning against Caleb. 

“That was harder and easier than I thought it would be.” he said, nestling his head against Caleb’s shoulder. 

“These things always are.” Caleb said. “Do you want me to come with you to the clinic tomorrow? I have work, but we can go afterwards.” 

“Yeah. I’d like that.” Molly said. Caleb kissed him on the top of the head and leaned against him.

“Frumpkin misses you.” he said. Molly laughed.

“Does he?” he said. “How do you know?”

“He kept yelling at me yesterday, and I could tell it was because you were not there.” Caleb said. “He never yells at me...except for when he wants food.” 

“A man after my own heart.” Molly said. Caleb laughed. “Hey...I’m sorry I yelled.” Molly said suddenly. “I know, I already said that, but I want to say it again. I should have remembered that’s one of your triggers, and I should have stopped myself.” 

“You were not thinking straight, Molly.” Caleb said softly. “I understand. You were overwhelmed and not in a good brain place. I really do. I know...I know you would not hurt me. Not like…” He trailed off. Molly shifted and kissed him on the cheek. 

“I’m still sorry.” he said. Caleb turned and kissed him on the lips. 

“And I forgive you,  _ mein Schatz _ .” he said. Molly slid his hands around his back and pulled him down for more kisses.

 

\------

 

When Yasha came home from work, she found Molly and Caleb tangled up on the couch, Caleb’s face tucked into Molly’s chest and Molly carding his fingers lazily through Caleb’s hair. She smiled to herself and tiptoed into the kitchen to put the groceries away.


	11. Burning It Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Transphobia, misgendering, panic attack, canon typical violence (except with guns): “No, I do know you.” to "The authorities were here."
> 
> I was going to post yesterday, but when I got home I was so tired from camping that I sat down and watched All Work, No Play for four hours and completely forgot about my duties to my readers. Sorry for making you wait for this finale!! I'm going to put all the thanks at the end. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I have absolutely no idea how court proceedings work, please forgive me.

Caleb woke up incredibly early the morning of their heist and lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. He had only slept about two hours that night, a two hours punctuated with night terrors and the looming specter of Trent Ikithon. Molly was curled up around the pillow, one leg thrown over the blankets and his tail draped neatly over his thighs. Frumpkin was snuggled up in the crook of Molly’s legs. Caleb sat up and ran his fingers through his hair, using the repetitive rhythm of the action to try and calm his rising anxiety. They had planned so much. It was going to be fine. No one was going to recognize him. Bren Ermendrud didn’t have a beard, didn’t have a fucked up leg, didn’t look like him at all. He leaned his head against his good knee, breathing in and out until his hands started shaking and he was calm enough to focus on a book. 

By the time Molly woke up, Caleb had read his way through five books and was halfway through  _ The Courting of the Crick. _

“Morning.” Molly mumbled, rolling over and smiling up at him. “Did you get some sleep?” 

“A little bit.” Caleb said, shrugging. Molly sat up and kissed him on the lips, cupping his face with gentle hands. 

“It’s going to be fine.” he said. “It’s going to be fine.” Caleb tucked his face into Molly’s shoulder and let him rub his back. 

“We should get ready.” Caleb mumbled after a few minutes. He didn’t want to leave the safe, warm embrace of Molly’s arms, but he knew he couldn’t stay there forever. Molly kissed him on the head and rolled out of bed. They dressed in silence, and Caleb let Molly brush his hair. 

“Let’s go eat.” Molly said, pressing one last kiss to Caleb’s forehead. They wandered out into the kitchen and made toast. Caleb slathered his in marmalade and butter, doing his very best to ignore the anxiety nausea growing in his stomach. Nott came stumbling out of the living room and blearily poured herself a bowl of cereal. There was a knock on the door, and Caleb limped across the apartment to let the others in. Jester and Beau were wearing matching outfits of black leggings and sweatshirts. Jester’s stealthy appearance was only lessened by her hot pink backpack.

“All right, gather round, colorful friends, and I will make you less colorful.” Molly announced, sitting on the table and swinging his legs back and forth. Jester sat down in the chair and took out the box of stage makeup. Over the course of the next few hours, Jester and Molly transformed into more inconspicuous shades of tiefling. It was a strange experience to see them dark red and jewelry-less. Nott also received a makeover so she could pass as a halfling and not alert every security detail in the place, and Fjord’s skin was slightly altered so it was one uniform shade of green. 

Finally, they were all ready to leave. Molly, Caleb, and Nott were taking Caduceus’ cute little Volkswagen. Jester had painted flowers all over it as a birthday present, making it incredibly conspicuous, but they didn’t need to worry about being inconspicuous. Molly stole Caleb’s phone and put on an ABBA playlist at the loudest volume they could collectively handle. 

“We played ABBA at your memorial service.” Nott yelled over ‘Dancing Queen’. “It was that one where they sing about music or whatever?”

“‘Thank You For The Music’.” Caleb shouted back. “You are no longer part of this family!”

“Molly’s rubbing off of you, isn’t he?” Nott said.

“What??” Molly called, pausing in his enthusiastic performance. 

“Nott says you are rubbing off on me because I told her she was not part of our family anymore for not knowing an ABBA song.” Caleb explained.

“Caleb’s right!” Molly yelled. “Now, I need to sing! It’s the chorus!” Caleb laughed, trying his best to keep the shake out of his voice. They pulled into the visitor parking lot of the army office building, and Molly turned the car off.

“Here goes nothing.” Nott said, tugging her wool hat down low over her ears and clambering out of the car. Molly leaned across the console and kissed Caleb once on the lips.

“For luck.” he said. They climbed out of the car and followed Nott down the sidewalk and into the lobby of the building. Caleb itched to hold Molly’s hand, but they had to keep up the pretense of being a lawyer and a client. When they caught up with Nott, who was waiting impatiently by the door, Caleb took her hand and squeezed, once. When they walked in, they spotted Fjord and Caduceus waiting by the elevator. Jester and Beau were nowhere to be seen, which was probably a good thing. Caduceus smiled at them and gave them a thumbs up when they walked over to join them. The elevator came quickly, and as it rose up through the floors Caleb felt his anxiety growing. He shut his eyes, breathing slowly. Molly leaned into him, and the pressure helped steady him. 

“All right, let’s do this.” Molly said as the doors opened. Caleb took one last long, deep breath, and they stepped out into the hallway. Ikithon’s offices were at the very end of the hall, and the walk down the fuzzy green carpet took an eternity. Caleb focused on the soft pad of his shoes against the carpet, Fjord and Caduceus’ quiet murmurs, anything but the door looming closer and closer in his vision. Nott pushed the door open, and they were in.

Caleb had been in Ikithon’s Rexxentrum office so many times, and this place looked exactly the same. There were the same stiff, plastic flowers lining the windows, and the wall was painted a similar pale green. Memories began to crawl out of the depths of Caleb’s brain, and he tightened his grip around the head of his cane. He wanted to turn on his heel and run back to the car. He didn’t want to be here. The office was completely empty. Caleb closed his eyes, trying to breath. 

“Excuse me, ma’am? My friend and I were wondering if we could speak with Mr. Ikithon?” Fjord was saying. Caleb opened his eyes. It was time to move. The door was on the wall facing the secretary’s desk. Caduceus was big enough to block them, but if he moved one inch away, the secretary would see. 

“Mr. Ikithon is not here right now.” the secretary said. “He’s booked. Maybe we can work something out?”

“No!” Fjord shouted abruptly. “I can’t wait!” Nott grabbed Caleb’s hand and they slipped behind Caduceus and up to the door. She pulled out her lockpicks and started working on the lock. 

“Sir…”

“I have waited  _ so long _ just for this!” Fjord cried. “Let me just  _ fuckin’  _ talk to the man!” 

“Hubert, we can’t keep doing this.” Caduceus sighed, sounding a little awkward. The lock clunked and the door swung open as Fjord lunged across the desk to grab the woman’s shirt.

“ _ Please _ .” he begged. Nott slipped through the crack in the door, and Caleb followed her, his chest growing tighter with every step. The door shut, and Nott locked it again. They were in. 

It was a bare office, nothing like the one in Rexxentrum. There were no photos on the walls, no paintings, nothing. Ikithon’s desk had his name and a small pot for pens. There was a clunky desktop computer sitting on it. The walls were covered in file cabinets. That was farmilier. Caleb’s memories of the filing system came back to him as he studied them, and he walked slowly over them. He opened the first drawer and began to go through it. 

 

\------

 

Molly kept his eye on the front door, his hands curled neatly in his lap to hide their shaking. Caleb and Nott had gotten in without a problem. They were going to be fine. Fjord and the secretary were arguing fiercely while Caduceus did a very good job of pretending to try to break them up. Molly doubted it was all acting. His tail twitched against the hard plastic of the chair, the one bangle he had allowed himself to keep jangling with the movement. Gods, he hated body paint. He wanted to scratch his nose so badly, but he would rub the paint off. How long were Caleb and Nott going to be? It felt like an eternity had gone by since they had entered. 

 

\------

 

“ _Scheiße_.” Caleb whispered, banging his head against the file cabinet in frustration. It wasn’t there. Ikithon hadn’t changed his filing system, he just _didn’t have the file they needed_. “ _Scheiße, Scheiße, Scheiße_.” 

“Beau and Jester aren’t texting me back.” Nott said, worry creeping into her voice. “I wonder what they’re doing? Yasha hasn’t texted, either, but she never does.” 

“It’s not  _ here. _ ” Caleb groaned. “I do not know where he would keep it!” 

“Have you checked his desk?” Nott asked. Caleb stared at her. “I don’t know, it’s just an idea!” she exclaimed. 

“No, no,  _ Schatz _ , it is a good idea.” Caleb said. He strode across the room and sat in the desk chair, opening drawers and rummaging through the contents. Ikithon would never think to check for fingerprints. He was so egotistical, he didn’t think anyone could ever get into his drawers. He opened the second drawer and  _ there. _ There was a manila folder lying on top of other folders, labeled in Ikithon’s neat, spiky handwriting: ‘TEALEAF’. Caleb opened it and flipped through it. It had printouts of every message the Iron Shepherds had sent the army, as well as Molly’s files from the army. There were so many. 

“ _ Bastard _ .” he hissed, closing the folder and standing up. “There are so many in here, going back to the very beginning. We have a lot of information we can use.”

“That’s good.” Nott said. “I’m just going to text Molly…” She took out her phone and began to tap. Caleb moved around the desk and leaned against it, waiting for her to finish. As he stared at the door, a confused array of emotions swirling through his mind, the handle started to move. 

“ _ Nott! _ ” Caleb hissed. “Hide!” He shoved the folder up under his shirt, carefully tucking it into his pants as best he could with his shaking hands. He wouldn’t be able to hide, not with his leg. He closed his eyes, one hand pressed to his stomach to protect the folder, the other clinging desperately to his cane, as if it could protect him. He heard the clatter of Nott ducking behind something, and the  _ creak of the door opening he was coming oh Scheiße it was just like at school and he was shaking so badly and… _

“Well.” the too-familiar voice of his former teacher said, the simple word cutting through the air like ice. “Who might you be?”  _ You don’t sound like Bren anymore, you don’t look like Bren, he can’t know who you are, you’re safe, you’re safe. _

“Hello _ ,  _ Mr. Ikithon.” Caleb said, turning and putting on his best conciliatory you-are-my-superior-officer smile. His free hand dropped to the head of his cane, rubbing circles  over his knuckles. “My name is Caleb Widogast. The pleasure is mine.” He offered a shockingly steady hand. Ikithon did not take it, to his relief.

“Why are you in my office?” Ikithon demanded, stalking past him and sitting at his desk. “Why did my secretary let you in?”

“I am here to meet with you about an issue regarding disability benefits.” Caleb said slowly. “I was told you were the man to speak to?”

“No.” Ikithon snapped. “Get out.”

“Yes, sir, sorry, sir, I apologize for bothering you.” Caleb said. He turned to leave, and his hand was on the doorknob when Ikithon spoke again.

“Wait.” Caleb froze. “I know you. Do I not? You seem familiar. Do you have a sister? Brother? Anyone who went to the Soltryce Academy?”

“No, sir, I do not.” Caleb said, turning back to him, trying so hard to not to look afraid. “I get that a lot.”  _ Breathe, Widogast, breathe.  _

“No, I do know you.” Ikithon was walking towards him. “I know you.” Caleb was backing up.  _ Scheiße.  _ “You have changed a lot, but I know your face,  _ Bren Ermendrud. _ ” Caleb stopped breathing. Caleb stopped thinking. The words echoed through his brain, filling his ears. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t feel anything. He needed to run. He needed to get out of here. Where was the doorknob? Ikithon’s hands were on his collar, grabbing his chin. “Yes, I would know you anywhere, Bren. What have you done to yourself? I never thought you would go this way.” 

“ _ Get away from him. _ ” The door slammed open, and Ikithon was shoved backwards by Molly. “Caleb, get out of here.” Caleb couldn’t move. “Caleb, I’ll take care of him, just  _ run _ .” 

“So.” Ikithon stood up, brushed off his suit jacket. “This is a group effort. Who are you?” 

“Fuck off.” Molly said. There was a clattering, and Nott appeared from inside of a filing cabinet, a pistol in her hand. Caleb barely noticed. He pressed himself against the wall, trying to breath, but his lungs weren’t working.

“Take care of Caleb, Molly, I’ll hold him.” Nott yelled. 

“Molly.” Ikithon said. “That isn’t short for Mollymauk, is it?” Molly was standing in between Caleb and Ikithon now, his tail winding around Caleb’s ankle. 

“Maybe it is.” he said, his hand reaching for Caleb. Nott walked next to Molly, her gun pointing directly at Ikithon. 

“You were supposed to  _ die. _ ” Ikithon snarled. Caleb was going to fall over. His vision was blurring, black spots dancing across his eyes. “We don’t need people like you in the army. The Shepherds took care of that for us. But you had the nerve to come back.” There was something off about the way the room was. It was tilting. Why was it…

 

\------

 

Several things happened at once. Caleb fell to the ground with a horrible  _ thud _ . Nott screamed and lunged at Ikithon, her gun going off with a horrible bang. Ikithon pulled out his own gun and dove for Molly, his jaundiced hands reaching for him. The desk lamp exploded in a burst of glass and light. Molly ducked under Ikithon’s hands and tackled him. 

“Get Caleb, Nott!” he shouted, digging a knee into Ikithon’s stomach. Ikithon wriggled like a terrible fish and got out of Molly’s hold. Nott scrambled across the floor, grabbed Caleb, and started tugging him through the door. Ikithon’s gun had fallen across the floor, so he grabbed Molly and hurled him with surprising strength into the desk. Molly let out a grunt of pain, the breath knocked out of him. Ikithon was looming over him, a smile spreading across his face. 

“The Iron Shepherds could not kill you, but perhaps I can finish the job for them.” he said, and raised his gun…

 

\------

 

Caleb came to flat on his back in the receptionist’s office, Nott bending over him. His chest was still tight.

“Where is Molly?” he asked, sitting up. 

“He’s still in there, but we have to run, he’s going to be fine.” Nott said, offering him a hand. Caleb ignored her, shoving himself to his feet. His leg throbbed at the weight, but he ignored that too, marching towards the half-open door. “Caleb! Caleb, stop we need to…” He shoved the door open and into the office. Molly was up against the desk, and Ikithon was pointing a pistol at him.

“ _ Halt _ !” Caleb shouted, his voice cracking. He put a hand on the wall, put all of his weight on his left leg. “He is not for you, Ikithon. I will return to you, just  _ leave Molly alone _ .” Ikithon turned back to him, a smile splitting his face.

“Bren. So you have decided to join us after all.” he said. “Well, well. I never thought you would come back to me. I thought you were so strong, but you were not. You could not do what needed to be done. Has that changed?”

“That’s not his name, you  _ shitface _ .” Molly snarled, standing up and lunging for Ikithon. Ikithon dodged him, and he stumbled to a halt next to Caleb. 

“I think it is her name. A beard and a deeper voice did not change what biology gave her.” Caleb wanted to throw up. It had been  _ years _ since anyone had misgendered him like this. “Now, Bren dear, are you sure you have the stamina to come back to me?” Caleb was shaking all over. His lungs weren’t working again. His ears were ringing. Ikithon was walking towards him, his hand out. There was a gun in the other. Molly was yelling. There was a crack, and Molly let out a horrible noise, and...

_ He was watching Molly die all over again. He could see him standing there on the road, Lorenzo’s gun to his chest, Lorenzo’s gun going off. He remembered it like it was yesterday, remembered the blood leaking into the dirt and Molly’s staring eyes closing and there was so much blood and  _

_ Ikithon was touching him and it was like the last time he had touched him putting the things in his arms and he had been screaming and there was blood too, blood flowing over his forearms and _

Caleb took a breath. Caleb dropped his hand from the wall and started walking towards Ikithon. Caleb’s leg hurt so much, but he didn’t care. He grabbed Ikithon’s arm.

“Oh, Bren, what…” Caleb shoved Ikithon into the desk, his leg screaming at him, but he had a good hold on his teacher, his abuser, his tormentor. He grabbed the gun from Ikithon’s hand. Ikithon kicked him in the bad knee and he buckled, pain filling his mind and his body and he was going to black out  _ no Molly needed him _ there was black fuzz on the edges of his vision and Ikithon had a gun to his chest and his knee was pressing into his bad hip.

“Oh, Bren.” Ikithon said, a pitying look in his eye. “You never were good enough. Your little friend? He, she, it, is not good enough for my army. That is why it has to die.” _Caleb was in_ _so much pain he had to hold on but he couldn’t he just wanted to sleep._ “All of you people, you abominations, you are a sin. You must be eliminated. I am doing you a service. You must die.” The pistol was in Ikithon’s hand. It clicked, and…

“Hands in the air!” The door slammed open, and Ikithon froze. “What the  _ fuck _ , Ikithon?!” Someone grabbed Ikithon off of Caleb. 

“Shit, this guy’s bleeding.” The authorities were here. They were safe. 

“No shit I’m fucking bleeding!”  _ Molly was safe. _ Caleb shut his eyes and let the sweet darkness of unconsciousness take him away. 

\------

 

“Is he coming round yet?”

“Give him time, Jester, he’s probably in a lot of pain right now.”

“He’s been out for  _ ages _ .”

“They did put him on a lot of drugs.” 

“That makes it sound like they gave him weed. Is weed a painkiller? Hey, Cad! Is weed a painkiller?”

“I have no idea.”

“Ugh, what’s the point of having a friend who knows about plants when they don’t know anything about weed?”

“I know things about weed, Beau.”

Caleb opened his eyes slowly, blinking groggily in the fluorescent lights. He was lying in a hospital bed. His head was fuzzy, and he could feel an IV leading from his arm and off of the bed. If he wasn’t so out of it, he would have started panicking, but instead he just stared at the ceiling. He wondered what had happened to get him here. He remembered...fuck. Thinking was hard. His brain was full of cotton. 

“Caleb! I think he’s awake. Caleb, are you awake?” Nott asked, her wide yellow eyes appearing in his vision. 

“... _ ja. _ ” Caleb said, the word feeling awkward in his mouth. What did they have him  _ on _ ? Maybe it had just been a while since he had been on painkillers of this level. Nott squealed and gave him a hug. “Ow. Ow. Hip.” he muttered as her leg accidentally bumped into his bad hip and sent a brief jolt of pain up his body. Maybe the painkillers weren’t as heavy as he thought they were. 

“Sorry! Sorry!” Nott exclaimed, moving off of him. Caleb sat up and winced. Everyone except for Yasha was sitting on the various furniture and furniture-like objects. Jester squealed and ran over to hug him, smearing red paint on his face. 

“We were so worried!” she exclaimed. “Fjord and Caduceus came running downstairs to get reinforcements, and by the time we got upstairs you were unconscious and Molly was bleeding everywhere and we thought he’d killed you and they wouldn’t tell us anything!!!”  _ Molly _ . Caleb’s sluggish brain finally remembered that part of what had happened. 

“Is Molly all right?” he asked carefully, trying to keep the words from slurring together. 

“Oh, yeah, he just got shot in the leg and it looked way worse than it was. He’s getting the bullet out but it’ll be fine. Yasha’s with him.” Jester said. “It’s hasn’t been that long, so he’ll still be a while.” Caleb rubbed his face, grimacing. 

“...Ikithon? What happened to him?” he asked. 

“We have no idea.” Fjord said. “I assume he’s in custody?”

“I fucking  _ hope _ they arrested him.” Beau said. “They didn’t even need the evidence we got.”

“We have the file, don’t worry.” Nott said quickly. “I got it off of you before the paramedics came.” Jester displayed her backpack proudly. 

“They’ll probably put him on trial and then we can bring them out.” Jester said. “It can be like in the judge shows where they’re like, ‘Oh, but there’s no evidence!’ and then the hero pulls it out of his bag and is like, ‘But there is!’ and everyone gasps and the villain tries to climb out the window.”

“I don’t think...that’s how trials work.” Caleb said slowly. 

“Cool trials work like that.” Jester said, folding her arms. “This has to be a cool trial or I’m not going to go.”

“You’re going to go no matter what.” Beau said. “We’ve gotta support Caleb!” Caleb fidgeted with the blankets.

“I...I do not know if I want to testify.” he said quietly. 

“What? But you have to! You’re the one who can take that fucker down!” Beau exclaimed. Caleb looked at her, his thoughts falling into place despite the drugs.

“I know.” he said. “I am...afraid. Of him. He is powerful. He can make me stop having words. I...when he came in there, I panicked. I couldn’t do anything. Molly saved me.”

“I think you can do it.” Nott said. “If we’re all there, he can’t hurt you.” She took his hand. “I’ll rip his kneecaps out in front of the jury if he so much as lays a finger on you. I promise.” Caleb hugged her. 

“ _ Danke, Schatz _ .” he said, tucking his face into her head. He would think about that more later. Right now, all he wanted to do was sleep. 

 

\------

 

The hospital made Caleb and Molly stay overnight, to make sure neither of them were going to die in the night from any injuries sustained, but the doctors declared both of them fit to leave the next morning. Caleb was still dealing with slightly higher pain than normal, but he was used to pain by now and stoically concealed it from the doctor. It was nothing a few ibuprofen couldn’t lessen. Molly was on crutches for the time being, and he was determined to not leave Caleb’s side for the foreseeable future. Caleb was completely fine with this. 

His anxiety was at increased levels, despite his medication’s best efforts. He was pretty sure the only reason he had slept in the hospital was all the painkillers he had been on. He barely slept the first night back home, instead reading his way through every book in the pile next to his bed multiple times through. Ikithon was definitely in jail; it had been the front page article the next day, and had featured a huge picture of him being shoved into a police car. Beau had cut that out and stuck it on her bedroom wall, in typical Beau fashion. That had done nothing to calm Caleb’s fears. His brain kept reminding him that Ikithon could easily get out, that Ikithon had a lot of power, that Ikithon could control people so easily. 

They got three days of rest before the police came calling, looking for statements. Jester had given her address as where Molly and Caleb lived, and the moment the detectives showed up at her door she called Caleb. He was chopping onions for chili when the phone rang.

“Nott, can you–” he began, before Molly leapt up and limped over to where Caleb’s phone was sitting on the couch. “Never mind, Molly has it.” 

“Widogast-Tealeaf-Brave residence, how may I help you?” Molly asked, hopping up onto the counter and crossing his good leg across his lap. “Oh, hello Jester. What did you  _ do _ ? Oh. OK. We’ll be over there soon. Bye.” He hung up. “The police are looking for us. They want a statement or something.” Caleb paused in his chopping.

“ _ Ja. _ Of course. I forgot.” he said, setting the knife down.

“I can go by myself. You don’t have to come.” Molly said. “Not if you’re not comfortable.” Caleb sighed.

“I am...I am not comfortable, but I think I have to do this.” he said. “For my younger self. For all the children he corrupted. It is my duty.” 

“Only if you really think you should.” Molly said. 

“I want to take him down, Mollymauk.” Caleb said, hobbling over to stand next to Molly. “I am just...I am so afraid of what will happen.” Molly tugged him closer and kissed him.

“I won’t let anything happen to you.” he said. “Nott won’t. None of us will. And Beau has power, doesn't she? Through the Cobalt Soul or whatever? That motherfucker won’t know what hit him.” Caleb nodded and went to retrieve his cane. 

“Let’s go.” he said. Molly slid slowly off of the counter and limped back to the table to get his crutches. 

The police officers were a human woman with light brown skin and long brown hair tied up in a messy bun, and a short elven man with dark brown skin and closely shaved hair. They were sitting on Beau and Jester’s couch looking uncomfortable, probably due to the fact that Jester was hovering over them, her arms folded and her biceps bulging through the sleeves of her unicorn hamster sweatshirt. Molly flopped into the armchair, but Caleb didn’t sit down. He leaned against the back of the chair and watched the officers anxiously, his fingers worrying the fraying edge of the cover. 

“All right, let’s get this thing over with.” Beau said, marching to the front of the room and eyeing the police officers suspiciously. “What do you want to know?”

“Um. Hello.” the woman said, looking around nervously. “My name is Detective Jimenez, and this is my partner, Detective Green. I assume you are Caleb Widogast?” She directed this question to Caleb.

“Yes.” he said shortly. 

“And I’m Mollymauk Tealeaf, in case you were wondering.” Molly added. Detective Jimenez smiled jerkily, as if she wasn't sure whether that was supposed to be funny. 

“Yes. Hello.” she said. “We just want to ask you a few questions.” She pulled a notebook out of her pocket and flipped it open, scribbling something down. “Can you tell us a little about what happened in Ikithon’s office?” Caleb twisted the threads of the chair, trying to line his words into order.

“We went there...to find some information.” he said. “To prove something. To prove that…Ikithon purposefully ignored communications from a group...the people…”

“I was taken prisoner while we were on a mission up in the north.” Molly said, gently picking up the story. “The Iron Shepherds, the people who captured me–”

“The slavers?” Detective Green asked.

“Yeah, the slavers.” Molly said. “They wanted money, of course. Slavers always want money. So they sent messages to the army. And the army...the army didn’t do anything.” 

“We wanted proof that they were purposefully ignoring the messages.” Caleb said. 

“So...you broke into Ikithon’s office?” Detective Jimenez asked, chewing the top of her pen. Molly looked up at Caleb, who chewed his lip.

“Yes.” he said finally. “We wanted evidence.”

“You understand we cannot use this evidence in a trial.” Detective Jimenez said carefully. “Not as primary evidence, anyway.” 

“ _ Ja. _ That was not the point.” Caleb said. “We wanted to expose him, not to prosecute him. There is better evidence we can use for that.” 

“What do you mean by that?” Detective Jimenez asked, her pen poised to take notes.

“I will testify against him.” Caleb said simply, staring directly at her nose. “This is not the only thing he has done.” 

“What else has he done?” Detective Jimenez asked. Caleb stared passed her shoulder, chewing his lip. “I need to know, I think. The office will want to know.” Caleb didn’t speak. He had anticipated this would come up, but he had not prepared anything. 

“Caleb, love, you don’t have to tell her everything.” Molly said, turning in the chair and looking up at him. “Only what you’re comfortable with.” Caleb nodded slowly and went to sit in the chair next to Molly. He took a deep breath and slipped his hand into Molly’s. 

“I went to the Solytryce Academy on a scholarship when I was seventeen…”

 

\------

 

“...and that is my story. Thank you.” Caleb sucked in a deep breath and curled his hands around his cane, his back rod straight against the soft back of the chair. It was months later. He was sitting in court, testifying at long last, the culmination of innumerable sleepless nights and panic attacks and so many meetings with lawyers and police officers and officials. He had almost gone back on his plan. He had almost given up so many times, when the newspapers posted skeptical op-eds and when the conservative news media tore the parts of the story that had been published into little shreds for their viewers, when he had woken up screaming from another nightmare where Ikithon shot Molly, when the anxiety was so much that he could barely crawl out of bed. He had  _ done it _ . He looked out into the crowd of spectators and found Molly’s anxious face.

“Thank you, Mr. Widogast.” the judge said. Molly beamed at Caleb and blew a kiss. Next to him, Nott was leaning so far forward on the bench that she was practically falling off. Caleb was pretty sure that the only reason she hadn’t run up to the defense stand and shanked Ikithon with Jester’s heels was the police officers standing at the corners of the room. “The prosecution may ask the witness questions.” Caleb slipped into autopilot mode, rubbing his hands over his pants. He could see the glint of Molly’s horns behind the lawyer’s shoulder, and he focused on that. His answers came easily, somehow. He was barely connected to his body. It was the only way he could do this. He knew Ikithon was watching him, but he didn’t need to think about that. 

“The defense may ask the witness questions.” the judge said, and Caleb had to pull himself back into the moment. He had to focus. Ikithon’s lawyer, a skinny human man with oily black hair and ghostly skin that looked like it had barely seen the sun, stepped up to the witness stand and smiled in a way that didn’t reach his eyes. Caleb took slow, deep breaths, running his fingers over the ridges of his cane. 

“ _ Mr. Widogast _ .” the lawyer said, filling the name with as much contempt as he could. Caleb’s stomach churned with anxiety. He glanced past the man’s shoulder and saw Fjord and Yasha holding on to Molly, Nott, and Jester, stopping them from running up and punching the man. “Would you mind telling us again  _ why _ you were in Mr. Ikithon’s office at the time of his arrest?”

“ _ Ja, _ of course.” Caleb said, clinging on to his cane. “We were looking for documentation of the communications Mr. Ikithon received from the Iron Shepherds in regards to Mollymauk Tealeaf’s ransom.”

“Mr. Ikithon has denied these allegations, of course.” the lawyer said to the jury. “You do realize that is illegal, of course?”

“Yes.” Caleb said. “I do.” He stared the man down as best he could without making direct eye contact.

“Hmph.” the lawyer said. “No further questions.” He strode back to his seat, a self-important air about him. Caleb tightened his hold on his cane, trying to hide his shaking hands. 

“Thank you, Mr. Widogast, you may be seated.” the judge said, and Caleb stood and walked as fast as he could back to his seat, keeping his eyes glued to the back of the room. It was only when he had sat down beside Molly that he realized he hadn’t been breathing. He closed his eyes and tucked his head against Molly’s shoulder, breathing in the comforting scent of his lavender perfume. 

“You did so good.” Molly whispered, rubbing Caleb’s shoulder and kissing him on the head. “I’m proud of you, love. I’m proud.” 

“I call to the stand Bryce Feelid.” the lawyer for the prosecution said. Caleb tuned out the questioning of the witnesses, doing his best to calm down. Molly stroked his hair, pressing the occasional kiss to the top of his head. After a few people had come and gone, the lawyer for the state stood up and announced, “I call Mollymauk Tealeaf to the stand.” Molly squeezed Caleb’s shoulder and stood. Caleb grabbed his hand and pulled him down for a kiss.

“Fuck them up, Tealeaf!” Beau hissed. An older couple sitting in front of them shot her a look, and she glared them down. Nott scooted over to hold Caleb’s hand as Molly strode up the aisle, his boots thumping purposefully on the tiles. The bailiff swore him in, and he settled casually in the chair, leaning his head on one hand and watching the lawyer with an air of vague disinterest. Caleb kept his eyes fixed on Molly. He would not let his eyes stray anywhere near Ikithon. 

“Mx. Tealeaf, would you mind telling us the circumstances under which you came to be imprisoned by the Iron Shepherds?” the lawyer asked. 

“We were in the middle of battle, and I was wounded badly enough that I couldn’t very well escape.” Molly said. “The rest of our platoon had to get out, and everyone thought I was dead. The Iron Shepherds figured out I was alive and took me back to hold me for ransom and maybe get a little bit of information on the army.”

“Did they tell you they were going to send messages to the army for ransom?” the lawyer asked. Molly fidgeted with one of his bracelets. 

“Yes. Almost every day.” he said. 

“Can you think of any reason the army would ignore a ransom for one of their soldiers?” the lawyer asked. Molly shrugged.

“They didn’t have resources to get me out? Racism? I don’t know of any good reasons.” he said. 

“The army generally tries to negotiate ransom deals to rescue soldiers.” the lawyer told the jury. “We learned this from Mx. Feelid. Have you and Mr. Ikithon ever come into conflict, Mx. Tealeaf?”

“Oh, yes.” Molly said. “ _ Mr. Ikithon _ ,” He used the same tone that Ikithon’s lawyer had used with Caleb’s name, “was the sponsor of several bills designed to exclude groups of people from the army, and Mx. Feelid and I were responsible for the movement to stop those bills.”

“Thank you. No further questions.” Ikithon’s lawyer stepped up to the stand and smiled down at Molly. Caleb curled his fingers around the edge of his jacket, balling the fabric up. He wanted to shove that man away from Molly. No one looked at his boyfriend like that. 

“ _ Mr. _ Tealeaf–”

“Objection!” the lawyer for the prosecution interjected. 

“Sustained.” the judge said. “Respect is important in the courtroom.” She shot a disgusted look at Ikithon.

“ _ Mx.  _ Tealeaf,” Ikithon’s lawyer said. “What sort of things did the Iron Shepherds do to extract information? Would you say they made you...mentally impaired? Perhaps your memory is a bit fuzzy?”

“Objection. Uncalled–for intimidation.” the lawyer for the prosecution shouted. The judge considered. 

“...overruled.” she sighed. “He may ask the question.” 

“She should have sustained it.” Jester hissed. “He’s being a–”

“Jes, shhh.” Fjord whispered. 

“They did all kinds of things to me.” Molly said, and a maniacal gleam appeared in his eye. “Would you like me to describe them? In detail? I can do that. There were whips. There was water and fire and all kinds of things. I know when I’ve forgotten something. I know that well.  _ My brain is not fuzzy about this _ .” Silence filled the room. Ikithon’s lawyer looked incredibly uncomfortable. 

“No...no further questions.” he said, walking slowly back to his seat. As soon as Molly returned to his seat, he let out a long sigh and pressed his hands into his eyes. Caleb rubbed his shoulder. 

“You were good,  _ Liebling. _ ” he said, kissing him on the cheek. The closing arguments started, and he leaned into Molly.

 

\------

 

The jury took three hours to deliberate, and it was the longest three hours of Molly’s life. They went for lunch, but no one ate much of anything. Caleb didn’t say anything, just stared into the distance. Molly braided his hair on the bench outside of the courthouse while Jester and Beau yelled about how angry they were at the defense. 

“Everything’s going to work out.” Molly murmured as they started walking back to the courthouse. “I know it will.” 

“I hope so.” Caleb sighed. Molly kissed him on the forehead.

“Hey, once this works out, we can have a normal life again.” he said. “I can get a job, we can get another cat, maybe we can get married eventually...I don’t know.” Caleb stared at him.

“You...will you want to get married?” he asked. 

“We can talk about it.” Molly said, smiling. “But yeah. Eventually.” Caleb smiled back.

“Eventually.” he said. They kissed again and walked back into the room. The jury was sitting up in their box. They sat, Caleb stiff and staring blankly at the jury. Molly put his hand on Caleb’s back, and Caleb reached over to hold onto his thigh. They stood in mindless unison with the rest of the crowd when the judge entered, still holding on to each other, and when they sat again Molly took Caleb’s hand. When the crowd had settled, the judge turned towards the juros and smiled. 

“This is a tough case to consider, and I hope you were all unbiased and fair in your decision.” she said. “Have you reached a verdict?” Caleb squeezed his eyes shut and began to mumble under his breath in Zemnian, his hold on Molly tightening. A half-elven woman with warm-toned brown skin and long black hair stepped forward, a piece of paper in her hands. Molly stopped breathing. Nott was holding on to Caleb’s other hand, and Jester was half out of her seat, her hands gripping the bench in front of her. 

“We have, your Honor.” the juror said.

“What say you?” the judge asked. There was dead silence in the room as the woman unfolded the piece of paper. 

“We find Trent Ikithon guilty on all charges.” she said. The room exploded. Army officials yelled different things at each other, Jester leapt up onto the bench and shouted in joy, and Caduceus gave Fjord a huge hug. Caleb and Molly stared at each other.

“They did it.” Caleb whispered, tears starting to trickle down his face. “ _ They did it _ .” Molly grabbed him and kissed him. They didn’t hear the explanation of the charges, or anything about the sentencing. The only thing in the world was their kiss, their hands on the other’s waist and face and hair, the warmth of their bodies pressed together. 

“Everything is working out.” Caleb whispered. “ _ Everything _ .”

“I know. I know.” Molly murmured back, grinning. He kissed him again. “I love you.”

“ _ Ich lieb dich _ .”

“ _ Ich lieb... _ fuck. I love you more.” 

“Stop talking and kiss me.”

“Of course, my dearest Caleb.” 

And he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, folks! Well, except for the epilogue, but I thought I'd get all the general thanks over with now. Many, many, many thanks to Beth and Artie for betaing this. Beth read this entire things in periodic intervals during school and somehow only took a week or so to read it. I'm grateful to her for enduring my pestering and ignoring her real homework and our various other friends in the name of reading my fanfic. Artie's been reading my fanfic since my middle school Supernatural fics, and I'm thankful she's stuck through all my weird poetry and various other writings of varying quality. She's always here to yell at me for my crimes and the good things I do. Finally, thanks to everyone who read this and commented. A special shoutout to all my fellow aces who yelled in the comments in the beginning about ace Caleb. Did I almost break down crying happy tears in the middle of school over those comments? Yes I did. You're who I write for! Thanks for sticking with me, and I hope you enjoyed the ride! I love you.


	12. Epilogue

“Yasha I’m so jittery Yasha I can’t bounce in these heels Yasha please save me.” Molly chanted, rocking back and forth as best he could in his stilettos. He was grateful that Fjord had stopped him from buying the ridiculous sparkly 6-inch heels he had been eying. That would have been worse.

“You brought this upon yourself.” Yasha intoned, folding her arms and raising an eyebrow. She looked absolutely stunning in dark blue. Beau was going to have a heart attack when she saw her. Yasha was going to have a heart attack when she saw Beau. Molly grinned, drumming his fingers on his thighs. Gods, why was he so  _ anxious _ ? Maybe he was excited. Maybe he was just hyper. They’d been waiting for  _ forever _ .

“Jester just texted to say everyone’s ready.” Fjord announced from his post next to the door.

“Why is she texting? She’s officiating.” Bryce asked.

“Does she even have pockets?” Yasha asked, She patted at her skirt, trying to see if there were any.

“Let’s get this show on the road!” Molly said, bouncing on the balls of his feet a few more times. The slowed-down strains of the saxophone opening to ABBA’s “I Do I Do I Do I Do I Do” started echoing in from outside. Fjord gave Molly a thumbs up and stepped through the door. Molly’s anxiety started to rise, and he worried the edges of his gauzy train. “Oh gods oh gods what if this goes wrong what if I say something wrong Yasha I can’t  _ do  _ this.” he whispered as Bryce followed Fjord. Yasha grabbed his shoulders and stared him directly in the eyes.

“There’s no way you can mess up  _your_   _own wedding_ , Mollymauk Tealeaf.” she said. “Everyone out there loves you. You can’t do anything wrong. You deserve this. It’s going to be fantastic.” She gave him a big hug. “Now, we’re going to go out there, and you’re going to get fucking married.” Molly laughed and took her arm. She passed him the bouquet, which she had been holding on to so he didn’t shred the stems, and they stepped through the doors.

It was a beautiful spring day. They were in the expansive lawn of the big synagogue in Zadash, and the trees had burst into bloom as if they too were celebrating. Toya, Molly’s adopted sister from the circus, had covered the stone path up to where the rest of the wedding party was waiting in flower petals. He could see the top of her blond hair in the front, sitting in between Gustav and Desmond. His circus family had not heard of his supposed death until the story of Ikithon’s trial had hit the news, which had resulted in a lot of panicked phone calls. The entire circus had come, Molly noticed, and he grinned. His eyes passed over the tops of so many of his friend’s heads and came to rest at last on Caleb.

He was wearing a dark blue tuxedo that complimented his eyes perfectly. His bow tie was just a little crooked, and several wisps of hair had escaped from his ponytail and fell into his eyes. Jester and Nott had tied so many flowers around the head of his cane, and his hands were folded nearly on top of it. Molly would have noticed the way he was tapping anxiously if he hadn’t been so absorbed in staring at his face. Caleb turned to look at him, and a absolutely smitten expression spread across his face.  _ Gods _ , Molly loved this man. And he was going to marry him!  _ He was about to marry him _ . Finally, he stepped up to the front and faced his  _ future husband. _  They stood, smiling at each other, not able to take their eyes off of each other.

“ _ Du bist schön. _ ” Caleb whispered finally as Jester stepped forward, book in hand and a huge grin across her face. The ceremony was a blur. Molly barely paid attention to the words of what Jester said, or the poetry that was recited, or even the rhythmic readings of the Sheva Brachot. He was fixated on Caleb, and Caleb alone. At long last, they finished the readings and all the little traditional things that they had decided to slip in, and  _ finally _ , they could read the vows. Molly’s hands were shaking as he unfolded the crumpled piece of paper he had shoved down the front of his dress.

“I don’t know why I wrote these down, I’m not even going to be able to read this.” he joked, squinting at the crumpled scrawl and tossing it aside. Caleb and the rest of the assembled people laughed. “Caleb.” Molly said when the laughter had faded. “What am I supposed to say? How do you put six years of falling in love into words? I know I’ve been in love with you from the moment I set eyes on you in that bar in Trostenwald. I was there to get people to come to the circus, and I saw you and Nott sitting at a table alone and I just  _ knew _ . It only took me five years to say it.” Unconsciously, he reached out for Caleb’s hand, and Caleb took it. “You’ve been there for my best moments and my worst moments, and you still love me despite all the crazy shit you’ve seen me do. And I love you for that. I love you for the way you talk to Frumpkin in Zemnian like no one else is in the room. I love you for the way you never hear me yelling at you to answer the phone because you were too busy ‘reading a book’ or something. I love you because I always know you’ll listen to me, no matter how stupid the thing I’m telling you about is. I love you…” He had to stop for a second, the tears that had started rolling down his face catching in his throat. “I love you because...fuck. You were there to catch me when I was falling apart, and when I was trying to put everything back together you stayed by my side and didn’t leave. Even when I was having a breakdown in the middle of the library. Even...despite...gods, this is why I wrote them down!” Caleb squeezed his hand. “I swear, Caleb, I will always be there for you. Always. Through the good times and the bad ones, the days when everything is golden and glowing and full of life, and the days when you can’t even get out of bed. I’m not going to leave you. I love you. I love you. I love you.” He wanted to kiss Caleb so badly, but Caleb had to say his vows.

“ _ Schatz,  _ I…” Caleb ran his thumb over the back of Molly’s hand, smiling up at him. “I don’t know what more I can say to you, that I have not already said. You first met me when I was still working through all...all of the trauma I had experienced, and you still wanted to be around me. You still thought I was worth the time. I...I do not think there is a real time I realized I was in love. Maybe it was after the first Harvest Close festival. Maybe it was after the gnolls. Maybe it was not until Hupperdook. It feels like I have been in love you for my whole life sometimes. Even when I did not think I deserved love, deserved compassion and support and friendship, you gave them to me. You held me when I woke up screaming in the night, and you listened to me when I told you every tiny little fact about cats I knew. Even when you came back, when I thought everything would fall apart because I wasn’t exactly who I had been when we lost you, you still loved me. When I told you everything about my past, every terrible little detail, you still loved me. I never...I never thought I would have something like that. I never thought I would deserve it. I love you because you don’t just see smart and clever Caleb, you see Caleb who gets overwhelmed by crowds and Caleb who has panic attacks over fire and Caleb who can’t watch spy movies without crying and you still love me. I love you because you do not care who sees you when you sing karaoke and because you dance to street musicians and because the first time I met you, you talked to me about the book I was reading and told my fortune and because you just  _ are _ . Despite everything we have been through, you still see the beauty in the world.  _ Ich liebe dich wie nichts auf dieser erden. Du bist mein ein und alles. Ich möchte den rest meines lebens mit dir verbringen. Ich liebe dich.  _ I love you.”

“OK, let’s get this over with so you can kiss already.” Jester announced, and Molly laughed. Nott stepped up with the rings in her hands, and Jester took them. “Now, Caleb, take this and repeat after me. I give you this ring,”

“I give you this ring,”

“As a symbol of our  _ beautiful love _ ,”

“As a symbol of...of our beautiful love,”

“And I promise to always always love you through everything and even when we’re really old and after we die because I love you so much.”

“Why did we let you write these? I promise to always love you through everything and even when...we’re really old and after we die because I love you so much.” Caleb propped his cane up against his leg and took Molly’s hand, sliding the simple silver band onto his finger. They kept their fingers laced together until Molly had to put Caleb’s ring on.

“And with that, I think it’s time for some  _ kissing _ .” Jester said, grinning like crazy.

“You don’t even have to tell me.” Molly said, and he swept Caleb up into his arms and kissed him to raucous applause from the assembled guests.

 

\------

 

The sounds of loud dance music filtered through the open doors of the reception hall, but it went unheeded by Caleb and Molly. They were sitting on a bench watching the stars, soaking in the giddy joy of the day. Caleb was tired out. He had danced until his leg hurt too much to keep going, and then he had waited until the pain faded and had kept going until he had to give in to his leg’s irritated throbbing. Everyone else was still going strong. He could hear Jester cheering, probably for Nott.

“We should have restricted Nott from going near the alcohol.” he murmured, snuggling closer to Molly. “She is going to kill someone, or herself, based on those noises.”

“I trust Nott.” Molly said. “Actually, I trust Fjord to stop Nott before something happens. He’s good like that.” There was the sound of giggling, and Beau and Yasha slipped in front of them, holding hands and looking either intoxicated or in love. “Ah, the power of weddings.” Molly commented. “Bringing people together.”

“Keg will be sad.” Caleb said.

“Keg is hooking up with Mona; I think she’s going to be fine” Molly said. “I walked in on them when I was looking for the bathroom.  _ Not _  what I wanted to see on my wedding night.” Caleb laughed.

“No, I would guess not.” he said. He sighed. “I cannot believe this is happening.”

“We’re really married.” Molly said. “After everything. I didn’t think I would live long enough to get married, once.”

“ _ Ja _ .” Caleb said. “But we did.”

“Isn’t that crazy?” Molly asked. They pressed closer together and stared up at the star-studded sky.

“I love you, Mollymauk Widogast Tealeaf.” Caleb said softly.

“And I love you, Caleb Tealeaf Widogast.” Molly said, cradling Caleb’s chin with one hand and kissing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! Thanks for reading!!


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